5th Annual Las Vegas Freakshow Extravaganza!

Vegas is a never ending sensory overload, which makes it perfect for a long weekend of fun. Although, it does seem to bring out the freak in people, and then they seem to congregate around us.

The highlights of this trip are as follows:

1. Food: It is quite possible that I would get on a plane and fly 3,000 miles just to eat in Las Vegas. Last year, my friend and I tried Delmonico and it was so good it earned a repeat visit this year. You haven't eaten steak unless you've eaten Emeril's steak. And I am almost embarrassed as to how much I look forward to my pig out at the Paris Breakfast Buffet. It's a bring-your-own-wheelbarrow (to roll yourself out) experience. And did I mention the crepes?

2. Luxury Accommodations: I had wanted to stay in the Venetian hotel for some time - well, mostly since I was disappointed in the Bellagio last year. The room we had in the Venetian was nearly the size of my condo at home. I could've moved in, had it not been for the drunken labor day revelers who kept shouting and forgetting what room they were in while knocking on our door. Eh, it's Vegas, who needs sleep?

3. Adventure:
We rented a car on one of our Vegas days and drove into the wild blue (or brown in this case) yonder. A few hours later, we were having lunch at the Little Ale'inn in Rachel, NV and then heading up the Extra Terrestrial Highway to Area 51. We drove down a dirt road for what seemed like forever to reach the boundaries of this non-existent facility to take a picture of the sign telling us to go no further. We also waved at the military guard on the hill. A lot of trouble for a non-existent place, huh?

Other highlights, just for their freak factor, involve having dinner with a very short David Spade, walking behind the grossly distorted body of CarrotTop, having a slightly drunken rage over all the slutty people in Vegas - only to find out from a cabby there was a Pimp and Ho ball that weekend (not that the dress changes when the ball is not in session) and being the surprised guests at a Tesla (80s metal band) wedding in the House of Blues.

Quick Tips:

I am almost the Vegas hotel queen, having stayed in an average of 2 hotels per stay in Vegas for the last five years. Let me impart my wisdom and my preference, should you care.

Best hotel in Vegas? Mandalay Bay.
#2: Venetian
#3: Paris
#4: Luxor
#5: Aladdin
#6: Bellagio
#7: New York New York

Always book through the hotel if you can, you'll get better rates. And call back even after you've made your reservation. You might get better rates.

Bring lots of cash - the ATMs here charge you ridiculous fees to withdraw. Bring lots of small bills for tipping the waitresses for your free drinks.

Best Way To Get Around:

Taxis are abundant and not expensive - but make sure that you know where you want to go (especially from the airport) because some will try to take "shortcuts" that'll cost you more money.

Walk at least some of the Strip. But bring your walking shoes, because you'll need them. Things look close, but they're really not.

There is the new rail system up and down the Strip, but as yet, it hasn't been convenient (ie: right in front of my lazy butt) so I haven't been on it yet. But you can buy a day pass.

My best friend and I got a great deal for two nights at the Venetian, but since the third night (a Saturday) skyrocketed to over $500 a night (whew!) we decided to stay Saturday night at the Luxor in keeping with our Egypt theme this year. (We just went to Egypt a few months ago).

The Luxor falls into the three-star category of Strip hotels along the same lines as New York New York and the Aladdin. Of the three, I think the Luxor is the choice, and I’ll tell you why.

First, the pool at the Luxor is top-notch. It’s a sprawling area of sunbathing and swimming delight, and the extra sun reflected off of the pyramid will help your tan. Second, the rooms are clean and quiet. Third, with the new Mandalay Place shop connecting the Luxor to Mandalay Bay with an indoor walkway – my favorite hotel for gorgeous people watching and Star Wars penny slots – it’s in a nice location, even if it is at the end of the Strip.

My recommendation is to request a Pyramid room. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a view of Las Vegas Blvd, and the nice round butt of the Sphinx in front of the hotel. Plus, you’ll get to experience the inclinator – it’s an elevator, but it runs sideways up the slope of the Pyramid. If you’ve had one too many of the free casino drinks, however, grab onto the handrails!

I will say that since the first time I stayed here five years ago, the Luxor is starting to show its age. A renovation of the rooms and the casino wouldn’t hurt. They’re not awful, but they just look worn. Plus, I think a wider range of slot machines would be nice, too.

But for $150 a night on a Saturday (with other rates lower during the week) it’s a good place to stay. Plus, how long are you really in your room in Vegas?

Would I recommend the Luxor? If you want a basic themed hotel without all the fringes with a nice pool, absolutely.

After five trips to Vegas, I’ve managed to stay in a good number of hotels on the Strip, but the hotel that I’d been jonesing for was always out of my price range. For some reason, all the stars fell into alignment and I was able to secure a $199 rate for a Thursday and Friday night so I pounced on a reservation at the four-star Venetian. (Although, the Saturday night rate was $500, so we packed up and went down the Strip to the Luxor). As a matter of fact, I had made a reservation for $219 per night the day before, and when I called back to make a change, the rates had dropped. Just goes to show you that Vegas reservations are random and change on a dime.

The room was by far the largest I’ve ever stayed in on the Strip. At 700 square feet, it was almost as big as my condo at home! It had 2 queen beds (though you can get a lower rate with a king bed instead) and a sunken living room. Strip views cost more, and the hotel’s location wouldn’t be worth the extra money – put it in the slots instead!

The staff falls all over itself to make you happy. Request the daily turn down service and they’ll come in while you’re off winning money and leave you chocolates (they’re good!) on your pillow. Also, request a refrigerator – and then head down to the Cheesecake Factory and stock up!

A note on what room to request: Stay as far away from the elevator as you can. It was a holiday weekend, and we were right off the elevator, so every drunk asshat on our floor shouted at 4am, tried to use their key on our door, knocked on the door, etc.

My one complaint about the Venetian, which is minor at the least, was that they really had the low lighting thing going. I’m a woman! I need to see to put on my makeup! Seriously, if I was trying to make a move on my man, the low light would help. But some actual lighting options would’ve been great.

So, my two cents on the Venetian is this: I’d place it in the top 2 hotels I’ve stayed in on the Strip, and WAY better than the Bellagio. The hotel is beautifully designed, the casino is fun, the rooms are huge, the staff is great. But I would certainly not pay over $275 a night.

BAM! That’s what your taste buds say when you take a bite of Emeril’s Delmonico steak. DAMN! That’s what your wallet says when you get the bill. But it’s worth the splurge just once on your trip.

Delmonico – in the Venetian Hotel – was so good on last year’s trip that it earned a repeat visit on trip number five. This time, we were smart enough to call a month in advance, rather than a week in advance, and got to eat at a normal person’s dinner time – 7pm. Reservations as far in advance as you can think to make them are going to allow you to eat before 10pm. And if you want to just walk in – keep walking.

The only reason to come to Delmonico’s is the steak, in my opinion. Ok, well, there are the side dishes. And the ambiance. And the service. Ok, well there are lots of reasons to eat here.

I’ve never been to a restaurant that has the tables set all nicely with fine china (marked with a “D”) when you sit down, and then as soon as you sit down, they clear the table setting away and reset it with “eating” plates.

Not only do you have one waiter, it seems like the entire wait staff is attending to your every need. Take a small sip of water – refill. Crumbs on the table – clean it off with a crumb cleaner. Finished your bread – it’s gone.

Loyal readers of my journals know that I would trade my future firstborn for a good filet mignon – and this one doesn’t disappoint. Well, almost. Both my friend and I had to send our steaks back the first time, as they were way overdone. But the waitstaff took it in stride, and a very short time later we were delivered new steaks (with new sides as well so they didn’t get cold) which were perfectly cooked and melted in your mouth. I had sliced potatoes cooked with caramelized onions with my steak, and the whole meal left me feeling full and satisfied.

If you want a recommendation, it is to go eat there! I have two words for you. “yum” and “mmy”!

One of the hottest new restaurants in Vegas is the Mirage’s Stack. The waiter took care to show us that comedian David Spade was dining just a few feet away – seriously, this man is dating Heather Locklear? In what bizarre world? But I digress.

Designed after Bryce Canyon, the “stacked” look of the walls makes for dining eye candy, along with the waiters, who were all male (the hostesses were female). It’s marketed as an American bistro, but I like to call it “kid food for adults.” My dinner consisted of an appetizer and a side – I had mini kobe chili cheese dogs (three of them), They were gourmet chili cheese dogs, though, with kobe beef chili on top in little mini buns (the chili was spicy!). They were really good, and eaten with a fork, I might add. I had a side of the whipped potatoes (the menu says they’re “better than mom’s” and don’t tell my mom but they were.) But should you like to really regress into childhood, order the adult tater tots. What makes them “adult”? No, they’re not shaped in pornographic shapes, they have bacon and brie inside.

My meal totaled about $25, but the other menu items were a little more pricey.

For dessert, my friend and I each had a S’Mores Stack Martini – what could possibly be the strongest drink ever, and for $14, it should be. The rim is tinged with graham crackers, and it is quite yummy.

The place was packed full, but most of it was reserved for a private party. The waiters had a little too much to handle, and were a bit on the slow side, but there was plenty to look at, so it wasn’t that big a deal.

I liked Stack, and thought it was a really cool place for dinner, despite David Spade. Ha. The food was really good, it wasn’t overly expensive, and it has that unique Vegas flair with its design. Reservations are highly recommended, but I think you might be able to walk in at a slightly off hour.

I know I’ve written about the breakfast buffet at the Paris Hotel in almost every Vegas journal I’ve posted, but come on, there are crepes! You have to write about Crepes.

If you’re going on a weekend day, get there about an hour and a half before you actually want to eat. Also note that around 11:30 they start changing over to the lunch buffet, so plan accordingly. The lines are long, and there’s a reason for that. (Crepes). The cost of the buffet is $12.50 per person, so while not the best deal in town, you can pack in a lot of crepes for that price.

Once you’re seated, you need a plan. Give your waitress your drink order, and then make a quick sweep of the area. Scope out the eggs, the bacon, the fruit, the home fries, the pancakes and French toast. (I’d skip the pancakes and French toast if I were you, because there are the crepes.) There’s a pretty good fruit and muffin bar as well. Don't get the crepes yet! Those are dessert, and besides, the line is long and either your food will get cold while you wait, or if you go the other way, your crepes will get cold while you get your other food.

Once you’ve stuffed yourself with the normal breakfast foods, go stand in the crepe line. While you’re in line, think about what you’d like your crepes stuffed with. Raspberries? Cherries? Chocolate? Nuttella? Apples? Caramel? Go nuts! Get two! They’re made right in front of you, and it’s also just neat to see how the chef does it.

Just so you know, if you don’t need a wheelbarrow to roll you out at this point, there’s soft-serve ice cream, cookies and other “desserts” as well. And just think, you’ll save money, because you won’t need to eat for hours! If you don’t like this buffet, then you’re just not American … uh, I mean French! Vive Le Buffet!

After a long day of driving to Area 51, we were tired and hungry and just wanted to eat. The House of Blues had decent food and was very close in Mandalay Bay, and there was only a half hour wait. Done!

I’d eaten at a HOB before. I knew there would be simple, southern food and a blues atmosphere. And there was. But what made this particular dining experience special was that we accidentally ended up in a wedding. But not just any wedding. A Tesla wedding. (Tesla is an 80s metal band, if you don’t know.) We were sitting right behind the “preacher”, and had a full-on view of the bride (wearing a lovely pink knit shawl) and groom (wearing a wrinkled polo shirt). The entire wedding party and all the guests were wearing their Tesla shirts, while Tesla was preparing to perform next door.

The couple met online on a Tesla chat room, and then met up at a concert. Then had a Tesla wedding – in the HOB. To each his own, it seems.

When time came for photos, they had the traditional picture of their hands with their new wedding rings – over a bowl of red and black nacho chips.

All of this while I was enjoying some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I was laughing so hard I nearly snarfed the gravy.

I don’t know that I’d say that the HOB is the restaurant (or wedding location) I’d most recommend. It’s basic food, it’s not terribly expensive, etc. It served it’s purpose – it was fast and easy.

Caramel is Bellagio’s newest “ultra lounge” that is aiming to steal clientele from the trendy Ghost Bar. I doubt it’ll ever have the draw, but I really liked the fact that it was a more mature crowd (late 20, early 30 somethings, instead of rowdy 21-year-old wearing next to nothing.), there were places to sit (which seems to be off limits in most bars) and they served finger food. It wasn’t overly crowded at the 10pm hour, but it was hopping enough to be full, with a really good mix of male and female. Two hot women (us, okay?) were able to get in easily, and make it to the bar without assaulting anyone.

Be prepared though – trendy ultra lounges equal trendy ultra drink prices. Our chocolate something-or-other martini packed a $15 punch, but also managed to induce quite a buzz.

The music was danceable, though there’s not a lot of room for dancing. And it wasn’t so loud that you can’t have a decent conversation. (Okay, I sound really old, don’t I? Well, I’m over the nightclubs, I have to say.)

I would definitely lounge here again. I felt like maybe I found my hangout.

For the last four trips, my friend and I really liked getting spa treatments as the Luxor Hotel’s Oasis Spa, but the spa menu had been cut back this year and we wanted to try something new. The Venetian’s Canyon Ranch Spa’s prices were way too high – I would’ve needed a massage before and after the bill, so we decided that we’d try T.I.’s new spa, Wet. The award for weirdest spa name and marketing brochure goes to T.I., but they had a good range of treatments, many with half hour options, and fair prices for Vegas. Once you check in for your treatment, you have use of all the facilities for that day until 10pm, including the gym, which normally charges a $35 facility fee.

Crazily enough, I made use of the gym, and it was pretty nice. TVs positioned just right for the cardio equipment, and a large selection of weights. Towels are rolled up and placed on each machine, in case you forgot to grab one, and bottled water is provided.

There is a spa changing area, and you’re provided a locker with a robe and slippers inside.

After a workout, a massage is a good idea. I had made an appointment (they take them 30 days in advance) for a one-hour massage. I had to tip up front, which I thought was odd, but okay. And I’m pretty bummed that I did this, because I certainly wouldn’t have tipped as much after.

The massage was “nice”, and relaxing, but I went in with a tight shoulder and came out with a tight shoulder. For $125, I would’ve liked to have had those knots worked out. It certainly wasn’t worth the money.

The facilities are nice, but I didn’t get the best massage ever. Try it at your own risk, and tip after your treatment. For me, next year it’s back to the Luxor.

About 3 days is all I can take of the sensory overload in Vegas, so I thought a nice side trip would give me a break. Where else would a big nerd go, someone who likes the Star Wars Penny slots, sci-fi TV shows and travel oddities but to Area 51.

We rented a car and took off on the I-15 North, which merges with I-93, and then we got on the Extra Terrestrial Highway, State Rout 375. It’s about a two and a half hour drive directly to Area 51, but we went about 20 miles further down the highway first to visit the town of Rachel (humans 98, aliens?) for lunch at the Little Ale’inn. I’ll be honest with you, it’s not Haute cuisine, but it’s part of the experience. Have a warmed over alien burger and a Coke, talk to the locals and other alien seekers and buy yourself a gitchy souvenir (my favorite is the alien head guitar pick.)

When you’re done in Rachel, head back the way you came and look for the black mailbox, which is now painted white, by the way. Turn down this dirt road (prepare to wash your car when you’re done), and follow it. Frommers said that almost any road would take you to the boundaries of Area 51, but the most famous entrance is at Groom Lake. Veer right at the fork in the road, you’ll come to a ranch (the entire area is all open range, so don’t drive through the cow piles on the road). Turn left at the ranch, and at the “T” turn right. You’ll think you’re never going to get there, but about a half hour later, you’ll see a lone truck at the top of a hill. A little further, and you come to the No Trespassing/No Photography sign. You’ll take a photo, of course, and wave a friendly hello to whoever the poor guy is that got the job of sitting in a truck watching crazy people come take a picture of a sign that says No Photography. They can see your dust trail coming for miles, so there’s no sneaking up on them. I, personally, wouldn’t test my luck and go any further, but if you test the boundaries and live, I’d love to hear about it.

The ride seems a bit longer than it is, because there is nothing along most of the road but the same pointy mountain you’d been looking at since you left. But it is gorgeous scenery, and the road is straight as an arrow. The dessert heat makes it look like the road is melting, and you can see mirages, and that’s cool. Plus, you can drive really really fast!

This was a really fun, if long, side trip that the Moulders of the world would love.