Amster-DAM That Was Fun!

If you can plan your visit during the late-March through end-of-May timeframe (exact dates change each year), you’ll want to make a springtime visit to the Keukenhof gardens. The Keukenhof is the largest bulb-garden in the world, with over 7 million (yes, million) bulbs each year. The most famous of those bulbs are the tulips.

Seeing the tulips is like timing a trip to DC for the cherry blossoms. There’s no way to do it in advance. You’ve got to pick a date and go with it - your chances get better as mid-April rolls around, and May is prime tulip time. We visited on April 15, and we were told it was the first day of peak bloom, so we were pretty lucky.

You can smell the blooms (and there are more than just tulips) before you even get off the bus. Once you step into the gardens, it’s like you’re entering a flower wonderland. You could, literally, tiptoe through the tulips - though that might damage them for the rest of us, so I wish you wouldn’t.

The park features flower display after flower display. We were there for almost 3 hours, and I don’t think we even scratched the surface. My favorite area was the area around the Dutch windmill. Who can pass up a photo of the tulips and the windmill? Additionally, just behind the windmill are the tulip fields. Red and yellow and purple as far as the eye can see. Climb the windmill steps for an even better view. (Surprisingly no charge to do so.)

There is also a new option to take a canal boat ride through the tulip fields for 7.5 Euro pp. It was okay, in my opinion, but I wouldn’t say it’s a must-activity, if you’d rather save your money and explore the garden more. The ride takes about an hour, and you’re so low beneath the fields that photo ops aren’t the easiest to get.

Be sure to stop in one of the bulb-growers’ shops. Here, you can purchase some Holland bulbs, which are then sent to you in September (spring is the blooming time, not the best time for bulbs.) They have pre-formed packages, or you can pick and chose boxes of bulbs (they come in sets of 20.) I bought my tulips from Walter Blom BV (www.walterblom.nl) and I can’t wait to see them come up next spring. Holland memories every year!

The best way to reach Keukenhof, which is about 45 minutes from Amsterdam in Lisse, is to purchase a combination ticket from the tourist info booth at the Airport. For 20 Euro pp, you get the bus ride and admission into the park (under 11 is 11 Euro and seniors are 17 Euro.)

If you have a short layover in Amsterdam, or even if you’re visiting for a week, the best overview of the city that you could give yourself is a canal tour. These canals are the veins which Amsterdam’s life’s blood runs - the water from the Amstel River. More than 400 bridges span these canals, giving Amsterdam a charm and feel that few European cities have.

Thus, a canal tour becomes the perfect way to sit back and take it all in, letting the city come to you.

There are plenty of options, and you can chose which suits you best. However, I highly recommend the Canal Hopper, 22 Euros per person, kids under 4 free, under 12 11 Euro, and a 4 Euro discount if you book late in the afternoon (it operates until about 5:30 p.m.) The electric-powered boats run daily July -August, and in the off season on Friday, Saturday & Sunday (but not in the cold, sometimes water-freezing months of Dec-March.) If you are blessed with beautiful spring weather (rare for a city that experiences 300 days of rain per year) take advantage of the sunshine with this open-air boat. If the weather’s not so good - no worries, they raise a tarp to keep your head dry. Most of the other canal tour boats were closed in, and I’m all about getting up-close-and-personal for the great photo op.

The boat driver is also your tour guide, and interacts with you as much as you interact back. They tell interesting stories, point out the unique things that make Amsterdam, well AMSTERDAM! There are two routes, and you can stop at any of them to explore further, and then re-board for more canal fun. The prettiest route is the Historic Pleasures, or yellow, route. That takes you through the Red Light District, Anne Frank House and the Lieidseplein. However, don’t count out the orange, Hidden Treasures route, for breathtaking views of Central Station, the passenger terminal for cruise ships and past a windmill turned brewery - the only one in the Amsterdam city limits.

Springtime offered not only great canal views, but duck families with fuzzy babies in tow, swans-a-swimming, just-budding green trees and flowering plants.

The easiest stop to reach from the Dam Square is in the Spui district. Hop on the tram, it’s the next stop.

Undeniably the best pictures I took on the trip, and possibly the best experience I had in Amsterdam. I can’t say enough - hop on a Canal Hopper!

Bikes are a part of the daily Amsterdam life, and there are probably more bikes in the city than people! If you have grown used to the "ring ring" of the bike bells telling you to get the heck out of their way; if you think you can understand which roads are bike paths (all of them) and can understand the traffic lights just for the two wheelers, then head on over to Mike’s Bikes and immerse yourself in the local transport!

There are several options at Mike’s Bikes. You can just rent a bike for a day (be sure to lock both the wheels and the body) or you can join a bike tour. New for 2009 is a city tour of Amsterdam, or there is the countryside tour. We chose to venture a bit outside the city limits on the countryside tour, which takes you to a windmill and a cheese and wooden shoe farm. The Internet says the bike tour isn’t strenuous, but unless you can bike non-stop for an hour, I’d look into a bus version of the same thing. I bike some at home, and my butt was quite sore at the end of the day!

The countryside tour is led by a guide, and ours was really well-informed, if only slightly haughty in his professorship of us. Most of the time was spent riding, however, and it was a great way to see, well, the countryside!

My complaints about the tour would be these:
1. I think the size of the group was too large. We had about 15 bikers, and when you’ve got that many people in a single file line, the chances of all 15 making it across a busy intersection before the light changes is not good. I found myself in that situation quite a few times, where half of the group was light-years ahead and the other half stopped by a light. I was concerned that we would lose the guide and be stranded where we didn’t know where we were. He did stop and wait for us each time, but I still would’ve preferred a smaller group.

2. I would’ve preferred a bit more casual ride, with more stops to take pictures. As it was, I was afraid that if I stopped, I’d be left.

The cheese shop (and the free samples) were amazing, and of course, I bought a pair of wooden shoes. We took a group photo at the windmill, and because it was a sunny Amsterdam day, we biked the long way home. We came back through Beatrix Park as well as Vondel Park, which was beyond crowded thanks to the nice weather. Make sure you know what the people in your group look like, or you may end up following another biker another place!

All in all, I would say that this is one of my top Amsterdam activities. I think that was helped along by the beautiful sunshine (rare for Amsterdam, I’m told) and the breezes in my hair as I biked along the outskirts of the city.

Warning. Journal may be offensive. Rated PG-13. There’s something in the Red Light District to offend everyone. I’m just taking one for the team to report back to you. ;)

Randy Roy is not a Roy at all, he is a she - an American expat named Kimberly. The name of her company is derived in part, from Randy Savage, the wrestler - so she tells us - and part, I think, from her slightly warped (in a good way) sense of humor.

The tour is a great way to explore the infamous Red Light District of Amsterdam. Especially if you are like me, and a little nervous to be wandering the area on your own. During the day it wouldn’t be so bad (but the things that make it "red light" are there all the time - Kimberly tells us that a quickie as the businessmen are on their way to work in the morning is a booming business), but the area really comes to life in the evenings. That’s when the lights glow the brightest, the glow-in-the-dark bikinis on the prostitutes actually glow and the buildings light up signs like "Sex Shop", "Condomerie" and announcements for various live sex shows.

There’s definitely a seedy side to the Red Light District, but there are some stunning things here as well. Canals lit up at night, hundreds of years old churches (ironic, isn’t it?) and really cool bars. That’s why you take Randy Roy’s tour - Kimberly knows her way around, she knows what’s what, and she guides you like a pro.

The tour started us out easy with the rather tame things. An introduction to the Victoria Hotel, where the tour meets every day at 8 p.m. and also at 10 p.m. on Friday and Saturday. (Reservations are recommended at http://randyroysredlighttours.com but you can also just show up.) Then we moved down the Damrak, past the Sex Museum, which she recommends for a mere 3 Euro, and on to the Stock Exchange Building. After that, we head into the heart of the Red Light District, past the hotel where Quentin Tarantino holed up to write "Pulp Fiction" (clearly taking advantage of the pot decriminalization here). She also gives an intro into the "coffee shop culture," how to introduce yourself into the world of marijuana. (Ie: wait a full 2 hours for an "infused" brownie to take effect before eating another one.)

Kimberly takes you past a few more stops of the rich and famous before you hit the highlight of any tour to the Red Light District - the prostitutes themselves. Oddly enough, it didn’t offend me, it didn’t make me a proponent of women’s rights, it didn’t turn me on. Mostly, it fascinated me and made me sad for these women. (They probably wouldn’t like that.) The red light windows cost between 75-100 Euro an hour to rent, so you can imagine the rates for their services. The red lights indicate women, the blue lights indicate transvestites. No pictures allowed.

The tour ends in a bar, where Kimberly buys you a drink (which, in reality, is included in the tour price of 12.5 Euro.) I’m not sure if it’s the same bar on each tour, but we ended up in a famous one called Cafe Mandje. Apparently, in its heyday, it was a swingin’ gay bar - the first in Amsterdam and one of the first in the world. Cut-off ties adorn the ceiling, as the original owner made everyone leave something behind. :)

What was great about our tour is that there were about 10 of us total, and each pair of two was from another part of the world. Germany, Istanbul, Singapore, etc. But we all meshed nicely (I think, thanks in part to the new outlook on American government, with the 2008 elections.) So the drink at the end was like hanging out with friends for a bit.

I would highly recommend Kimberly’s (a.k.a. Randy Roy’s) tour for a "virgin’s view" of the Red Light District.

Disclaimer again. This is the museum of sex journal. If you’re expecting fluffy bunnies, and church facades, you may want to reconsider reading it. I’m trying to keep it PG-13, but honestly, it may be hard. No pun intended.

The Sex Museum is hard to miss if you walk on the main drag from Central Station to Dam Square. Situated smack dab in the middle of the Damrak and sandwiched between souvenir shops and restaurants, it only costs 3 Euro per person to enter.

If you go in with the right attitude, it’s a fun little jaunt through history’s soft-core porn. And some of it not so soft core. Their are trash cans adorned with the male member, a giant penis chair to sit in and even a penis statue from the Etruscan period. See? Porn goes WAY back.

There are also some naked women parts hanging on the walls (and a bottom who "farts" on you as you "pass" by) a statue of a naked Marilyn Monroe and lots of pictures of naked women on the wall.

The most fun is in the form of the robotic statues that interact with you. There’s a flasher who opens his coat as you walk by, a really ugly naked woman who pops out with arms open, etc. If you take it all in good fun, I think you can giggle your way through it and survive.

The most interesting thing I learned from the sex museum, and my tour through the Red Light District, is where the porn term XXX came from. You see, in the early Amsterdam years, there were three things that were likely to kill you. Plague, fire and floods. Each of these three catastrophes were represented in the Dutch crest with three St. Peter’s crosses. St. Peter stipulated that he not be hung on a cross like Jesus (t-shaped) but rather on a sideways cross, like an X. These three x’s are flanked by two lions, forming the crest. When the porn industry took Amsterdam by storm in the 1960s-1970s, the three Xs appeared on the graphic movies, and thus the XXX rating. Learned something new today, didn’t you?

All in all, I can say for a mere 3 Euro, go in and get your little peep show. Who knows, maybe it’ll spice up your love life back in the hotel room.

This is just one of those activities that you should really do while in Amsterdam, yet you just know it’s probably going to bum you out. But inspire you at the same time. An emotional roller coaster made possible by the Nazi invasion of World War II.

Are there any American school children who made it past 10th grade without reading Anne Frank’s diary? I was then, and still am today, amazed at how a little girl facing such scary times managed to live in a cramped space and yet still be a "normal" little girl. You’ll be even more amazed once you step into the cramped quarters of the few rooms atop her father’s store when you realize how many people lived in nothing but this small space for two years.

Nothing brought tears to my eyes more than seeing the black-out curtains on the windows, remembering that she really wasn’t allowed to see the outside world very often. Yet, she hoped on, dreaming of a time when she wouldn’t be a Jew, but a person.

The museum is tastefully done, with several videos to watch along the path through the house. Everything is the same as it was 60 years ago after the rooms had been cleared out once the Nazi soldiers found them. The museum said that the soldiers knew about the bookcase that hid the entrance to their hideaway, so they were surely tipped off, but no one knows by whom. Our Mike’s Bike guide indicated that in the last few years, they found out that it was another Dutch family, with a grudge to bear. Which is true? I don’t know, but either way it sucks.

I liked the way that the museum tried to use Anne’s words to instill hope for future generations, and lessons in history at the same time.

Allow about an hour to see the museum, but you’ll need to budget your line time. The queue was around the corner and down the street when we went, but it moved quickly - only a half hour of waiting. I understand that as the summer progresses, however, the lines stretch for hours. None of the city passes cover entrance to the Anne Frank House, but you can buy tickets in advance online, if you know when you’ll be going. We looked at that option, but didn’t want to be tied down to a specific location at a specific time, so we chanced it with the line.

Entrance into the museum is 8.5 Euro pp. If you buy online, they add 50 cents to that price. No photos allowed inside.

By the way, if you are a fan of the Rick Steves Europe guidebooks, his Amsterdam, Bruges and Brussels guide gives a great self-guided tour of the Anne Frank House.

Go. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t. Learn. Don’t let it happen again.

I think I’m learning something about myself, as I traipse around Europe’s museums - I am not a museum person. That’s an important tidbit of information to keep in mind as I write about the Van Gogh Museum.

If you ask someone where the "Van Go" museum is, they won’t know what the heck you’re talking about. In Dutch, Gogh is pronounced, with full on throat throttle and spit, as "Gagcht." Their pronounciation will kind of make you want to say "bless you."

The entrance is a short walk from the also-famous Rijksmuseum, past the tourist photo op at the big IAMSTERDAM sign and several food and souvenir stands on the Paulus Potterstraat. The lines seemed to move quickly to pay the steep 15 Euro pp entrance fee, which included the "Colors of the Night" display (which disappointed since the most famous "Starry Night" isn’t among that collection.)

There are three floors of artwork, after you check your bags and go through security. The first floor is a Van Gogh history, and the only works I was familiar with were the painting of the yellow sunflowers and his self-portrait. The others, especially the early ones, were way to dark and dingy for my taste. But hey, the man cut off his ear, so what do I know from art?

I never made it to the second floor, I was so bored from the first one. Now, again, had this been impressionist art, like the Musee D’Orsay in Paris, I probably would’ve been more interested. This was not my cup of tea.

So, if you’re a fan of Van Gogh, visit this museum, which features more than 200 pieces of his work. If not, save your Euro and buy a snack outside.

On any major tourist street in Amsterdam, your likely to find a smorgasbord of food choices, from bars to sit-down restaurants (which are now non-smoking) to eat-at-the-bar joints to your standard American McDonalds, Subway, KFC and Burger King. Basically, each night, we just strolled through our neighborhood and looked at cafe menus to decide where we would eat dinner.

On our first evening, we happened past an Italian restaurant called just that, Italiaans restuarnt. The aroma wafting out the door made us stop and look, and the menu hearkened to our hungry tummies. The owner even poked his head out of the door as we browsed to tell us about the specials for the evening. Okay, twist our arms, we went inside.

The inside was as quaint as an Italian place that you’ll get outside of Italy. There were Chianti bottles decorating the walls, small, cozy tables filling up, and the smell of good pasta. I ordered the pasta special, which was a mix of all types of pasta - penne noodles, tortellini, etc. all put into one bown and made into a lasagna. My handsome dinner partner ordered the grilled chicken with french fries. We started of with some toasted Italian bread with a garlic butter spread - mmmmmmmm (though it did cost 3 Euro extra, it wasn’t included like it is in the States.)

I am told that the chicken was good, but just chicken. My pasta dish, on the other hand, was MMMMmazing. Savory and delicious and way too much to finish, so my dinner partner made work of it.

We managed to sit next to a few students from the US who were studying in Amsterdam, and they gave us some good first-day tips. The staff was also super pleasant, and we felt like we were eating in an Italian uncle’s kitchen, minus the 32 Euro cost of the meal, the bread and two drinks.

If you’re walking down the Nieuwendijk, which runs parallel to Damrak, your nose might find it before you do, but it’s well worth a sit-down. And if you can get a table up front, so you can people-watch out the window? Even better.

On our last night in Amsterdam, we were extremely tired, cranky that we had to get on another long flight the next day and super hungry. We walked (and walked and walked) trying to become inspired by one of the string of cafes we passed nearby our hotel. After what seemed like forever, we stumbled (almost literally, as our feet were killing us) upon O’Reilly’s Irish Pub, just past Magna Plaza off Dam Square. Amsterdam is a food culture melting pot, so we weren’t surprised at the Irish pub, but we were pleasantly surprised that we liked it.

The interior was quite spacious, with lots of tables outside (though it was chilly and no one was sitting outside), tables near the windows, tables near the bar and the full area, tables with the big-screen TV that had a soccer game on.

As an American, we could give a rat’s hiney about soccer, but we really got swept up into the excitement of the fans. When the food came - we split Mediterranean chicken, roasted baby potatoes and garlic bread - we got even more excited. It was delicious! So much so, that we were fighting over the last baby potato (we ended up splitting it. ha!) I even splurged a bit and ordered desert, a hot apple crumble with toffee crunch on top, with sides of ice cream and custard to melt on top. Yum-my!

All that yummy food and desert and drinks came to 30 Euro.

I have no idea who won the soccer game. All I know is that it was a great way to top off a good stay in Amsterdam.

Yet another one of our evening strolls in search for a new cafe to try for dinner, we came upon Lounge Cafe Saint Paul. The menu posted outside spoke of lots of choice inside, so we decided to give it a try.

The inside doesn’t look like much - it’s a bar. But the staff was exceptionally friendly, and we decided to stretch our "normal" food choices with their guidance (we were on vacation, after all).

The bar is next door to a fondue restaurant, and I think they may be owned by the same people, because fondue is on the menu at Saint Paul’s as well. And that’s what we chose. We split a cheese fondue, a Swiss cheese called Fribourg, and a meat fondue with olive oil (two meat choices, steak and chicken, and some veggies.)

We’d had cheese and chocolate fondue before, but never with the main meat meal, so we weren’t sure how to cook it at first. The staff jumped in and showed us, and soon we were seasoned veterans. And it was so tasty! The cheese fondue was yummy, too, and we quickly managed to polish our plates.

Now, there were a couple of things I didn’t like. There was smoking in the back - I don’t know if bars don’t fall under the no-smoking rule, or like other illegal things in Amsterdam, people chose to ignore it. But we moved tables and sat up front near the door and were fine. However, at the first table, we saw a tiny mouse in the corner. Oddly enough, I forgot about that when the food came over from next door.

So, I recommend some fondue in the front of Cafe Saint Pauls. Though I will say it was our most expensive dinner tab of the trip at 45 Euro.

Ah yes. The typical American cop-out - eat at a Hard Rock Cafe. But at least you know the food will be the same most everywhere, the bathrooms are clean and free, and there was outdoor seating on a sunny day. Sold.

Funny enough, we sat outdoors at a table right next to some Hard Rock Cafe big wigs. They were there to check up on the restaurant, the wait staff, and the chefs. They ordered sample items off the menu and were "grading" them on presentation, quality, taste, etc. We eavesdropped a bit, so I think we had a good idea of what not to order. Turns out, it was a rough day for the chef trainees. The big wigs rode them pretty hard.

However, I ordered the Tupelo chicken tenders, and the handsome lunch partner ordered a burger, and both of us were pleased with the result. The big wigs even asked us how we were doing, and if all was okay. So it felt kind of nice to get the extra attention. Our waiter was from Sydney, and he did a great job, too. So it was a good lunch experience for 30 Euros (which included drinks.)

Of course, there was a visit to the Hard Rock Cafe shop, because who doesn’t think a Hard Rock Amsterdam shirt isn’t cool. Of course, they’re not cool at 30 Euro a pop, so we didn’t buy any. But we did get coupons that gave us a percentage off if we spent 40 Euro, which I thought was a nice, but necessary at those prices gesture.

So I’ll admit that it wasn’t some Dutch gourmet experience, but it was a decent lunch, and that’s all that matters.

We tried Dam Plaza for breakfast one morning, since it was right next door to our hotel, and their breakfast options were a lot cheaper than our hotel restaurant.

We were seated in the window, and I ordered one of the Dutch traditional items - a pancake. Now what I didn’t realize is that the Dutch don’t necessarily have pancakes for breakfast - they eat them for dinner, and not with syrup. They eat them with eggs and bacon, Mexican toppings, Italian sauce, etc. I learned later that pancakes are one of the lowest forms of Dutch foods - a workman’s diet. It’s also not a nice silver dollar pancake size, either. It’s one big dough patty that fills a large plate. I ordered mine with syrup, and the syrup was very thick and very savory - not sweet like American Syrup. I did, however, get used to it, so managed to eat most of the pancake. I think it was less the restaurant’s cooking and more my expectations that made my breakfast "eh." Handsome breakfast partner had a toasted ham and cheese, another staple in their breakfast. He enjoyed it. Breakfast cost us about 15 Euro for both of us, which included that wonderful Illy coffee that Europeans enjoy (as do we!)

The main reason I recommend Dam Plaza is that they’ll go out of their way to help you. We returned one evening with a strange request - could I please have a hot chocolate to go? They didn’t really have any "to-go" cups with lids, but I told them I was right next door at the hotel and didn’t need one. So then they jumped to it, and steamed some milk for my "dessert." Then, the bartender took great pleasure in adding whipped cream and then, aha!, some chocolate powder on top. I was almost flattered that they’d take the time for me. The waiter told his bartender to "take care of our neighbor!"

I know it was only a 2 Euro hot chocolate, but it was still special.

So if you’re in Dam Square, walk down Damrak just a bit and stop at Dam Plaza - at least for a hot chocolate. They’ll treat you right.

We did our research online about the Hotel Amsterdam, and we saw that there were more good reviews than bad ones. We were also impressed that the hotel management responded to each review on TripAdvisor. Plus, the price was right in the package we booked, so we took the faith leap and booked our 5 night stay here.

Staying at Hotel Amsterdam was like the movie, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good: If location is what swings you on a hotel room, you really can’t beat the Hotel Amsterdam. It’s a 5-7 minute walk down Damrak to Central Station, and you can practically spit on Dam Square, with the Royal Palace. For those Americans that just can’t stay away, there is a McDonalds and a KFC right next door. If vices are up your alley, then it’s mere steps from the Red Light District, the Vodka Museum and the Sex Museum. There are tons of restaurants within walking distance, and there’s a tram stop smack dab in front of the front door.

The Bad: We weren’t terribly impressed with the room we were given upon check in. It looked worn and drab. It was large for a European room, which was great, but it was big on size and small on, well, nice. Stains on the carpet, worn spots on the chairs, and two twin beds instead of one king. We were on the first floor, right next to a shared-by-all-guests restroom (though each room had it’s own) and was straight across from the elevator. It was loud, and kind of seedy, so we asked to change rooms.

It wasn’t possible the first night, but we were moved on night two. The new room wasn’t as big, but had a king bed and looked at first glance to have more charm. There were stained glass windows and a balcony overlooking the Damrak. However, if you peeked behind curtains, there were mouse-sized holes in the walls and more stains. Not to mention that the great view during the day became an overlook for party central at night. We went from a loud room to a louder room. Additionally, the hot water in the bathroom sink was slow in heating, and didn’t actually heat until you turned the tub water on. We should’ve complained again, but didn’t want to be the rude Americans, so we put up with it and avoided our room until we absolutely needed to sleep.

The staff weren’t the brightest bulbs in the bunch, either. There were a few exceptions, but I expected them to be more help with directions and activities (but they weren’t.)

The Ugly: The smell that reeked up our bathroom was almost unbearable. It smelled like the mildew had become self-aware, it had been there for so long. It got to the point where we had to hold our nose to shower.

I’ve grown to expect lesser standards for European hotel rooms that we’re used to here in the States, and I can be pretty flexible in what I can accept. That said, I wouldn’t recommend the Hotel Amsterdam to anyone staying in this beautiful city (which overshadowed the bad hotel experience, thank goodness.) There are so many to chose from, and honestly, in a city with public transport as good as this one, I can’t imagine that any location would have you too far from the action. In this case, I think we’d have preferred to be further from the action - and noise.