Horror Story - Freakin National Lampoon's SanFran Vacation...
- June 13, 2009
- Rated 1 of 5 by
jln121 from San Francisco, California
The Francis Drake Hotel ... where should I start? If you value sleep, steer well clear. Never mind that the "corner room with a view" on the fifth floor means half your view is blocked by the extended roof of the rest of the building below you, including the mechanical housing (the same building, mind you). The hotel and its management have positively no respect for the fact that people use hotels to sleep. This poses several problems.
First, their "pet friendly" policy means that anybody can bring - and leave - any pet they like. For dogs with separation anxiety, this means the dog yelps, barks, and scratches in the next room while you're trying to sleep. This is not good if you're expected at an early-morning session to a very technical conference. Those tend to require sleep.
In my own experience, complaining about this non-stop barking while I'm trying to sleep resulted in over an hour's attempt to find the owner. The owner was eventually found and the dog taken with them, but a promise was made - either they'd be moved or I would be. I came back from the conference hours later (still with no word from the concierge about the move) for a nap. I close my eyes, heave a heavy sigh, and am immediately jarred back to lucidity by the very same dog.
After I called, the staff reacted with an "oh yeah" sort of tone and said I'd be upgraded to another room and that they'd send someone right up with a key. Already sleep deprived from the mornings barking session and exhausted by the day's events, I packed my things quickly and waited at the door. Nobody came. I called the desk ten minutes after the first "we'll be right up" to receive another "I just gave 'him' the key and he's coming right now" ... over five minutes later, I'm still standing with my bags like a jackass, the dog's plaintive yips and howls ever-present.
Five more minutes and I practically skinned my knuckle hitting the huge metal mechanical button for the elevator (I'd already skinned my ankle and fingers carrying ice from the floor below because the ice machine was "out of order" on my floor). I went to the front desk only to hear another surprised "oh yeah" reaction to the key and move request.
To their credit, the room is considerably nicer. There're actually power outlets, which is always a plus in this day and age. No real hot water to speak of on the 17th floor, however.
On my last night of a week-long stay - a Friday - I learned that the Starlight Lounge on the top floor was open and quite popular. Unfortunately, that means BOOM-SSSS-BOOM-SSSS-BOOM-SSSS-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-SSSS ... until about 1:30-2:00 AM. Mind you, for an East-coaster, this means 5 AM is when the thumping stops. I was informed quite matter-of-factly (read "in a sarcastic tone") that they can't "stop the night club, SIR". I was also given a lecture about the fact that I had not complained about the night club earlier this week. That's true. I didn't even know there *was* a night club until tonight, when I actually heard (and felt) its Friday night presence. But since I didn't hear it previously, I was clearly inventing the complaint.
On my way back up from asking for a feedback form (there weren't any, I'd be sent an e-mail to which I could respond), a very large group of drunken twenty-something bimbos (believe me, being stuck with them for nearly five minutes, this isn't a snap judgement) forced their way into the elevator, absolutely crowding it. They began arguing which floor they were going to, then finally the elevator simply refused to move because it was over weight. When I say "crowding it", I mean crowding. The icing on the cake was when they started loudly proclaiming in unison that I was the luckiest guy in the world to be crushed against the wall of the elevator by their sheer numbers, as if trodden by cattle (trust me, "luckiest guy" was quite a stretch with that group), for like cattle they behaved.
After about three minutes of yelling and screaming in the lobby with the door opening and closing, the elevator finally departed, several of the 'ladies' finally getting out. Several stops meant several more minutes of holding the door and arguing amongst themselves. When one kept repeating I was the luckiest guy in the world, I let out a half-hearted "whoooo!" (it was 1 AM, 4 AM by my body's clock - not exactly tolerant of screaming morons at this point). She then informed me I was an ass. I informed her in turn that she was in fact self-important and more than a little drunk.
Once we finally parted ways, I returned to my room-under-the-night-club to wait for 2 AM when I can finally sleep ... until 6 AM to get up and catch my 5.5 hour flight.
If you like sleep, or have even the most basic desire for peace when you return to your hotel, stay the hell away from the Sir Francis Drake. Nothing about this week's stay except the cleaning crew (who were very friendly) was even remotely pleasurable. From the overpriced room service and bar to the complete disregard for reasonable peace and quiet of its guests, and not to mention the lack of professionalism and follow-through demonstrated by the staff, this is on hotel I will *never* come back to.
If, however, you're a shallow gaggle of twenty-something bimbos who dream of living under a night club and getting hammered each and every night with neither sleep nor regard for your neighbors, this might be the place for you ...
On a pure rating side, the rooms are mostly small, with outdated and scarce electrical outlets. The bathrooms are positively tiny and the finish was pealing from the tubs of both rooms I stayed in. Many things that don't need to be broken were (draw strings on the blinds, ice machine, door latches, etc.). The television is very fuzzy (over-extended cable splitters, etc.) with its very limited selection of channels. The free WiFi Internet access is practically unusable - it's overloaded and slow (loading a web page often requires a minute, then explicably loads fast for a second, then back to the usual slowness). The room service is often unavailable (I've had to call over a 30 minute period just to get someone to take my order four times this week) and the selection is very limited. The place is drafty as hell (it's an old building, but on the upper floors the wind rattles the old windows so hard they wake me up out of the very little solid sleep the place afforded me). Room service often forgot to remove the melted ice in the ice bucket and some other trash from my room (with a trek up or down one floor, I made sure to get plenty each night). The first four keys I was given for my original room simply did not work most of the time, refusing to read (a red blinking light, versus a green and a click).
God I hate this damned hotel. Can I go home now?