Kentucky Stories and Tips

Week 32 - A Young Sean Connery (USA)

Churchill Downs Photo, Louisville, Kentucky

It’s been a pretty eventful week so I thought I would keep everyone up to date with recent shenanigans!

At the start of the week, I almost managed to make another guest appearance on TV, but alas it wasn't to be. On returning back home from partaking in the popular American past time of bowling, my entire street had been closed off by numerous fire engines and a number of TV crews. It all seemed like everyone was congregating around my house, and for a second or two my heart missed a few beats as I envisaged my passport and all my documents going up in smoke! Luckily it was the house a few doors down that was drawing all the attention, as it had gone up in flames. I was one relieved male!! Unfortunately a dog made a trip to doggy heaven, but no one else was hurt in the fire.

The following night my street was again the centre of more mischievous shenanigans as I was awoken at 2am by a lone gunshot, which broke the night’s silence. Being the hard, strong guy that I am I decided the best call of action was to hide underneath the bed sheets instead of venturing downstairs and looking out of the window to get a closer look. A few minutes later the area was full of police, so I knew something had happened, but I felt all safe and warm in my bed so I just decided to go back to sleep. It wasn't until the following morning when I found out the shop over the road had been held up at gun point!

This seems to be the fashion of the week at the moment, as six different shops within the local vicinity have been robbed at gunpoint this week alone. Not to mention the daily drive-by shootings that have also taken place. I'm definitely not going to make any enemies if at all possible, or make late night trips to any shops!! It seems the safest way!!!

The highlight of the past week had to be going to the 132nd Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs, which was an amazing experience. Obviously it was made all the better as I managed to double the money I went with through some inspired (more like lucky and spawny!) betting. This meant I managed to cover all of my spending for the entire day! Being a tight git that I am, you certainly can't beat free days at the races!!

There were almost 160,000 people who were there to share my joys at the Kentucky Derby, and I have to say that I have never seen so many blind drunk people in one day in all my life. It was both revolting and amusing at the same time. Amusing as in seeing drunken people collapsing all over the place, with one guy falling head first into a rubbish bin, and revolting when seeing people walking around with their T-shirts covered in sick! Not very nice at all! I have to say that when it comes to not being able to handle their drink, it seems the Americans are right up there just behind the English at the top of the table!!

It wasn't all fun though as somehow I managed to put sun cream all over my body apart from one side of my forehead so now I have half my forehead completely red, burnt and peeling, which is not only painful but it makes me look like I have the worlds worst dandruff. Not very sexy at all!

While at the Kentucky Derby, we got to see a few famous celebrities but unfortunately they were all American celebrities so I didn't have a clue who any of them were!! I did manage to go out for dinner the other night and sit on a table next to Bret “The Hitman” Hart (a famous wrestler), although I could have been told any name and I would have believed it.

Apparently a number of wrestlers are appearing in a pay per view event at the local basketball stadium, which might explain why they were eating in a small restaurant in Kentucky. He was dining with another wrestler who came with trademark long wet hair and all his muscles out on show, to try and impress the ladies I'm sure!! I have no idea who he was though. I think I was getting more attention for being the token English man than either of the wrestlers!!!

Normally on my travels, well, when I say normally I mean at least once in every country I have visited, I have been mistaken for a girl for one reason or another. So it was a nice change last week when I was told I sounded just like James Bond, a young Sean Connery. I really can't see that myself, to be honest, but it was good for the morale and made a welcome change from being called a lady or a chick!!!!

It seems in this part of America a token English person is well remembered. I visited a local pub in the week that I drank at now and again the last time I was over here, and while everyone else was asked for their ID, the barman said to me that he didn't have to see my ID, as he knew who I was and that I drink there all the time. The last time I went was 4 months ago!! The same also happened in a restaurant as well! Obviously feminine looking English men with strange hair make a big impression in this part of America!

Other than all of this, I also made a trip to Natural Bridge State Park, which is basically all about a huge piece of rock approximately 2m wide, that's shaped like a bridge, which you can walk across. Although if you accidentally fall off you have a nice 100 feet fall to your death!! Being a little afraid of heights added to the experience a great deal!! I have put a few pictures on my web page as the views were quite impressive (if any of you are into that kind of thing!!!).

I have also arranged a few road trips as well, which should be quality. As well as road trips to Washington, Nashville and Memphis, I will also be enjoying a nice 2-day, 7-hour trip to Los Angeles via the legendary Greyhound bus. From the stories I have been told about riding the Greyhound, if we make it to the end of the trip alive then we have done well! I have also sorted out a job for when Candace and I go to Costa Rica as well, as we are both going to work on a coffee farm for 3 weeks in the middle of the cloud rainforest. It should be an intriguing experience as we will be working for a family that speaks no English and with me speaking no Spanish it could be a struggle. At least we get free unlimited horse-riding, which might not be the safest thing considering I have never ridden a horse before!!

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