Let's just say if the course doesn't have a windmill or a clown, I probably haven't played on it. I keep telling people that I'm not old enough to play real golf. My mantra is the same as Bugs Bunny: "Gee, don't you get tired running them 18 bases?" I tried that on a kid golfing on the first tee - he was not amused.
Anyways, the Lawrence Welk Resort has a great deal on their par 3 course, The Oaks. Mom, 13 year old son, and I were able to play for a grand total of $66 which included cost of the round, pull carts, clubs, balls, and tees. Since we're not golfers, we went the day before to get all the info. The young guy in the pro shop was moderately helpful but only if we asked the right questions - he didn't exactly volunteer information. An older fellow who doled out the clubs and carts (sorry, I don't know what to call him - Greensman? Club Guy? Majordomo? Arnold Palmer?) was very helpful and made us feel welcome and encouraged even though it was obvious we were golf-ignorant.
We called the next day for a late afternoon tee time (to minimize heat exhaustion) and were told our time was 4:17 pm. Not 4:00, not 4:15, not 4:30, but 4:17. Wow, they must have this down to a science. We arrived in time to pay and get all our stuff so we could be on the course at 4:17. Along with the other two groups that showed up at the same time! So much for a well regulated start time. One group decided to just start on the second hole so they could be ahead of us. I think they could tell we were novices - I felt relieved that they didn't spit on us. The other group was two young boys who politely let us go ahead of them, probably for the comedic entertainment. The older guy we talked to the day before wasn't there. So instead we had to deal with another of the "Lawrence Welk Resort Un-enthusiastic Young Employees". He brought the clubs and then audibly sighed when we asked if he could go get the carts, too.
Once out on the course, it became more apparent that the only person with a clue was our son who has actually played a real round or two and even taken a few lessons. While Mom whacked the ball along the ground and I tried to kill nesting sparrows, Junior hit drive after drive right down the middle. He beat me by ten strokes - it could've been worse but my putting is a little better than his. I have 30 years more experience at mini-golf on him. Mom actually sank the best putt of the day - a beautiful sloping 30 footer on the first hole.
I'd have whipped them both if there had been more windmills.