Quaint But Not Cute
- December 16, 2007
- Rated 1 of 5 by
CarlaWalker from Tuscaloosa, Alabama
I am a fan of old fashioned roadside motels. Though I am not quite old enough to remember the glory days of Route 66, those little family owned inns inns create in me such an incredible sense of nostalgic longing for a time when the family could pile up in the stationwagon and cruise the country safely with the only fear being that the Corn Palace would be closed by the time you made it to South Dakota. At first glance, the Southland looks like one of those places. From Highway 31, it reminded me of the Dav-Ed Motel, which is an absolutely adorable little place in Ohio, but almost from the word go, the experience was a complete flop.
I had traveled to Atmore with my dear friend to visit my husband and her son (which is another review altogether), and we were both mentally and physically fatigued so we decided to stay in town for the night to rest before the drive back to the nothern part of the state. My friend gets out to pay at the window with her credit card, and as the desk clerk is manually entering her number, she says, "Well, I guess I could have paid cash." Lesson number one : don't speak your thoughts aloud. Immediately he said, "your card was declined". Of course it wasn't, but he saw green, and we were out of luck. Fine, whatever, we just want a nap. Take the key, walk to the room, unlock the door, and WHAM! The first thing we realize is that the only way the door will close is if the deadblot is locked. Upon further examination, it looks like the door has been crowbarred from the INSIDE, which immediately creates this sense of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", people-trying-to-get-away-from-the-monster-under-the-bed feeling. I don't believe in the boogeyman, so I go on in. Here's the run down of the room - one minifridge and TWO microwaves (one for the brain and one for the liver? That's one hungry, impatient monster.) Two beds, ugly bedspread, typical motel fashion. Two old, waterstained prints of an Italian garden over the beds. No clock OR lamp. A chair on the left side of the room and a table on the right. An ok TV. The absolute BEST part was the AVOCADO toilet! I knew stoves and washing machines came in avocado, but who would have thought that our friend John loves the baby-poo-green color too? We had a good laugh over the the room and then promptly went to sleep because, Lesson number 2: being tired impairs your judgement. I woke up before my friend did and reached over to grab my satchel and remove a notepad so I could write a letter to my beloved, when -- ACK!!!!! I realized that we weren't alone! The mother of all 6 legged nasties was attempting to make its way into the envelope I was sending to my husband (would have made a SUPER treat for the mail lady!!!! Wish I had thought of that then, but I was too busy screaming like a banshee and doing a fast-forward version of the rain dance around the room.) I bounce over to the light switch (because remember? There's no lamp.) and discover that Mama brought along the family on this vacation.... Now, I have walked through the inner city unarmed at night, I have dived off a cliff into a fast moving river, and I have kissed my pet snake on the lips like a baby kitten, but I nearly DIE FROM FRIGHT at the mere mention of the word cockroach (EWWWWWW!!!!!!! I almost fell out of my chair!) So, that was it. I got in the car, made my way to the Creek Casino, and spend the rest of the night giving to the Parch Creek Indians the money that I COULD have spent at a slightly more expensive but less-likely-to-be-insect-friendly hotel.
If you are staying in Atmore for any reason, don't attempt to go the budget way. I DEFINITELY recommend the Best Western right off of Interstate 65, or even better, go hang out at one of the nice beachside hotels in Pensacola and just make the relatively easy drive. The money you save at the Southland just isn't worth the feeling that you are in a bad "B" movie.
On a scale of 1-10, I rate this place a –459.67 °F, which, for all those who aren't as nerdy as me, is an absolute zero.