Stairways to Heaven

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The hotel is a relative bargain starting at around $129 for two singles or a queen bed, and it is cheaper than staying in the outskirts of Union Square (and dodging the homeless) or around Northpoint/Fisherman's Wharf (and dodging all the awful souvenir shops). Yet in many ways it's even better positioned than these tourist trap accommodations.

This is a generic chain motel, complete with the requisite bland decor. But it makes a great base for exploring the city. Besides, while there are lots of motor lodges along Lombard, this one has the advantage of height--stay on the fourth floor or above (a bit extra) and get a view of the Bay and Golden Gate Bridge that even most of the more expensive hotels can't provide. So what if the nightstand is oak veneer plywood McFurniture?

Continental breakfast is included with the room rate, and by all reports was very passible. If you want an omlette or other type of hot breakfast, walk down Lombard to Home Plate.

This is a textbook example of a budget motel. It was built in the nadir of commercial architecture, 1958, and supposedly has been remodeled . . . hah! The decor is pitifully cheap-o (but clean) and there is less atmosphere here than on the moon. But unless you are planning on staying in your room all day, you are about as ideally located as can be to all sorts of touring, dining, and shopping attractions, as well as on several main transit routes.

The room comes with a free parking spot. You have to register your car at time of check-in, otherwise you could probably make $15 bucks at the dinner hour selling your space to frustrated drivers looking for parking on Polk. You are within walking distance of several nice restaurants (a good thing, given the lack of street parking) on Polk Street: Osteria Antica, La Folie, Petit Robert, Yabbies' Coastal Kitchen, Pesce, Spoon, and Street to name but a few destination dining spots.

The continental breakfast is pretty skimpy and the coffee awful, but pay five bucks and walk three blocks to Polk and Green and you can have croissants and Cafe au Lait at La Boulangerie de Polk or one of the four other coffee/tea houses in the neighborhood.

There's also a laughably small pool, but if you came to San Francisco expecting to bask in the Californian sun and heat, well, I've got a bridge to sell you.

If you need to go a step up to bland but somewhat more tasteful decor (and superb views), check out my entry for "Comfort Inn by the Bay" which runs for about $40 more. But this place is about as cheap as you can get and not be checking for roaches, bed bugs, or stepping over drunks. So save your money here, and then use the extra to have a special meal at one of those restaurants mentioned above.

As it is on Van Ness, traffic noise could be a problem. Ask for a room away from the street (or pick a Filbert, rather than a Van-Ness facing room) to be safe.

They also serve many great desserts and gelati. Those looking for a light meal can order an insalata caprese or one of their many focaccia sandwiches. But the highlight remains the coffee.

There are other decent cafes around- the neighboring Caffe Puccini, Steps of Rome, etc. But personally, anytime I am in North Beach and in possession of $1.65, I head to Caffe Greco for a caffe macchiato.

Located on one of the few commercial corners of upper Russian Hill, Zarzuela makes for a wonderful romantic date. Parking is impossible on the Hill, but since the Hyde Street cable car makes a stop at the door, why not take advantage of it? (Less picturesque modes of transit are the #41 and #45 Muni buses along Union) Although the winelist las a nice selection of Riojas and other reasonable varietals, I'd recommend a carafe of their red-wine sangria, at $16. Peruse their copious selection of tapas plates, and pick a mix of hot and cold plates, along with a salad. Two people can split 5 or 6 plates of tapas and a carafe of Sangria, and the bill will be about $50, without tip. No reservations are taken, so weekend nights can entail a long wait. But come early and then walk along Hyde to Filbert or Lombard. After climbing the local stairs, you'll be set for a wonderful meal. The wait staff is friendly and efficient, and people-watching is always amusing. If the weather is nice and you don't mind eating your dinner at a slight slant, grab one of the sidewalk tables. (Closed on Sundays and Mondays)

If you only have time for part of one walk, don't miss the section of Filbert between Montgomery and Samsone. This is the reknown "Filbert Street Staircase," which is a cascade of wooden steps down a lush garden of flowering trees and shrubs, bordered by charming 19th century cottages and open to a view of Treasure Island and the East Bay. On Saturdays, you will run into locals returning from the Farmers Market (Embarcadero & Union) and the occasional landscape painter. Peer down Napier and Darell Lanes, often mistakenly depicted as streets in city maps. I promise you no car has ever sped over these narrow planked alleys. If you are lucky you will catch a glimpse or hear the racous calls of local flock of wild parrots that divides its time between this hill, North Beach and Russian Hill.

At the bottom of the hill, you will end up on the charming campus of Levi-Strauss, considered one of the prime places to work. There's a great restaurant onsite, Il Fornaio. If it's not a chilly day, walk through (yes, through) the labyrinth of the courtyard fountain. It will delight all children... as well as your inner child.

To get back to North Beach, either retrace your steps, go back up the Greenwich steps or, for those with burned-out thighs, take a detour to much-flatter Broadway. I recommend resting and refueling at one of the many cafe's along Columbus, between Broadway and Union. Caffe Greco (see entry) is my personal favorite.

These tours talk you through the various neighborhoods of houses that cling precariously to the hill. Charming staircases connect these enclaves, the most spectacular of which are the Pemberton steps. At nearly every landing you will be rewarded with splendid vistas.

Be warned that even if it's warm downtown, the hills are often chilly and they catch the fog first. Bring a windbreaker and polar fleece jacket, even - especially- in summer. There are fewer cafes in this area, so water, refreshment or bathroom breaks should be taken when presented.

"Stairway Walks in San Francisco" provides two excellent tours of Russian Hill. Here's your chance to discover the hidden charms of Macondray Lane, the inspiration for Barbary Lane of Maupin's "Tales of the City." Gaze in awe at the splendor of North Beach, Telegraph Hill, Chinatown and the Financial District, as you descend down the Vallejo steps. Taking copious photos of this view from the Broadway steps on the way back up will help you catch your breath (Good shoes and some stamina are necessary.) Finally, the best way to see the famous curvy part of Lombard is not by car (as the queue on a weekend is long and often fatal for one's transmission), but by foot from the lovely brick staircase that borders the gardens.

Don't even think of trying to park on Russian Hill, except possibly on Sundays, when you will not get ticketed for not having an "A" permit. Only locals and machists like me would even think of trying to drive or park on these narrow, hilly streets.

If you manage to survive even one of these hikes, you've earned yourself a nice dinner in the area. While neighboring North Beach provides many Italian choices, you might want to try some tapas at Zarzuela. Or descend down the Larkin Street steps to Ghiradelli Square and re-enter the land of tourists.