An Affair to Remember

With Valentine's Day looming, the internet is crawling with Top Ten lists of New York's most romantic spots, best places to kiss, coziest corners to snuggle in, restaurants to propose in, and so on, ad nauseum. It seems every time I open my browser, I'm assaulted by pop-up ads from florists offering dozens of roses and online stores who sell chocolate in every conceivable shape and color. Suddenly, everywhere I look, there's something pink – and I hate pink! But I've got a journal to write, because I just tried out the IgoUgo Travel Club's special deal at the Royalton Hotel. So, in honor (or is it dishonor?) of Valentine's Day, I offer this perversely-themed journal: great places to have an affair in Manhattan.

Romantic just isn't good enough; there has to be a vague aura of something illicit – a scent of sleaze, a sense of inarticulated wrong-doing of some sort. Or, in some cases, just plain out of the way and dark. I hope you'll take it in the spirit it was intended: tongue firmly in cheek. Happy Valentine's Day!

Quick Tips:

Like most dabblings in adultery, this one has its drawbacks. The "morning after" at the Royalton was a reality check, as we begun to notice the little details that the evening's mood lighting had covered up. For , I was not expecting the best room in the building, but our location on the second-lowest floor directly behind the building's stone façade left our view a bit lacking. Daylight revealed the desperate need for a paint job. And like the many hidden costs of an affair, the Royalton would easily nickel and dime you to death if you gave it a chance. Minibar prices were beyond extravagant. Some of the bath products were free, but others had price tags. A closer look at the basket full of goodies in our room revealed that each and every item was for sale, down to the .50 sewing kit. This was explained by way of a card printed in a font so small, you'd have to use a fractional number to describe its size. So, let the buyer beware. If you think you're going to save money with a night at the Royalton, don't plan to touch anything in your room!

Best Way To Get Around:

We all know the best way to get around Manhattan is on foot, so in lieu of a tedious discussion of transportational tips and tricks, I offer instead a different way to "get around" ... Truly's Top Three Tongue-in-Cheek Trysting Tips!

1. Don't get caught! Your den of iniquity must be either a) dark, b) out of the way, c) obscure, or d) all of the above.
2. Set the mood! Make sure you're cheating in style. The locale of your secret rendezvous needs to be as classy as it is unwholesome. The more expensive the hotel, the more likely it is that the staff and other guests will look the other way.
3. Bring a camera! – This handy tool offers multiple applications. Not only can you document your sins and create valuable evidence to be used in future blackmail or divorce filings, you'll also get extra GO point bonuses when you write a journal about it. (Wish I had brought one!)

We stepped out of our taxi into the slightly seedy night air of 44th street. No sign heralded our destination, but we knew our way: this is where you go when you don''t want to be seen. Past the unmarked door made of rich, dark wood, we entered a pulsing, narrow space, the left side sunken and filled with young, well-dressed revelers, all rich and beautiful, reflected in the narcissistic gaze of a gigantic mirror that hung on a rakish angle from the wall above. Music throbbed as if we were in a nightclub, not a hotel lobby. No one looked up at our arrival. This was the Royalton''s bar.

Designer Philippe Starck''s exquisite sense of style showed through in the tiniest details – the curve of a chair back, the cut of a desk clerk''s somber jacket. Mood lighting was carried to an absurd extreme as we fumbled to find the correct button in the dark, tiny elevator. The midnight blue-painted hallway was as quiet as the lobby was loud, a long curving arc disrupted by doors in the same dark, rich stained wood. Each door was numbered with a round glass marker recalling a porthole. We felt like the furtive couple in "Titanic", creeping stealthily down the hallway of a luxury liner in near-darkness. Our door was at the end of the hall, so dimly lit that putting key to lock almost required kneeling.

Inside was all silver, white, and more dark, brooding wood. Infinitely simple, yet expertly realized. Like any Manhattan hideaway, the room was small, but it mattered not as our gaze fell squarely on the large, irresistible bed. Piles of oversized square pillows, edged with a lovely hemstitch pattern, filled the corners of the bed and built-in lounge. A single candle in a silver sconce waited by the bedside to be lit.

The bathroom was a stage set for temptation. Every surface was covered with either a rough slate tile shaded a mossy green, or strategically placed mirrors. Standing at the sink, I was able to see myself at angles I had never seen before. Orchids in a silver vase graced one corner of the triangular sink area, and a candle the other. Wonderful-smelling products with intriguing names like "Body Conditioner" rested on silver trays amidst bowls of dried lavender. The shower, sized for two, was separated from the rest of the room by glass doors, and hosted a variety of knobs and dials, controlling both a shower head with obscenely lavish water pressure, and a mysterious-looking wand-like instrument whose purpose you are free to guess at.

And so it was here that we began our torrid affair – with IgoUgo''s Travel Club. How could we resist, when this night of hedonism cost us only $25? The bill we got the next morning for $345 was a shock. It was a mistake, of course, quickly corrected by IgoUgo, but one that showed us just exactly how much we were saving.

River Restaurant and Bar caused a splash when it first opened back in the '90s, breathing fresh life into the Upper West 70's restaurant scene with its exotic décor and sizzling spices. The pan-Asian wave that River swept in on included the more upscale Rain and the ubiquitous chain Lemongrass Grill.

Rain has since opened an East Side sibling and Lemongrass seems to have taken over the universe, but River hasn't changed, though their fickle, trend-seeking clientele has left for greener pastures (I'm sorry, my extended marine metaphor has taken a leave of absence and won't be coming back!). Walking in, you are still transported into a faraway land of fresh bamboo and exotic greenery. The same fiery chilies and fresh herbs still grace unusual vegetables simmered in coconut milk and sesame oil. But now, you'll likely have the bar to yourself on a weeknight (even a Thursday!) – the perfect place for a few light, unusual appetizers and a drink or two.

A few suggestions for a light dinner (or to whet a heartier palate):

Cha Gio Chay
These vegetarian spring rolls share a name with the typical Chinese Takeout fare, but the similarity ends there. River's spring rolls are light and crispy, filled with fresh, finely chopped vegetables, herbs, and cellophane noodles that nearly melt on the palate. Dip them into the bowl of Nuoc Nam sauce and wait for the explosion of salty-sweet flavor.

Steamed Vegetable Dumplings
Again, don't confuse these dumplings with their "one from Column A, one from Column B" counterparts. These are steamed to perfection and stuffed with a delicious mirepoix-like assortment of meaty mushrooms and greens. Even the soy sauce dip is a cut above, enhanced with garlic and basil.

Saigon Vegetable Pancakes
Six little pancake rolls the size and shape of fish sticks nestle together in a bed of colorful garnishes. Each one is filled with a mouth-watering assortment of oriental veggies, bean sprouts, and scallions in a coconut-curry sauce. Dip your rolls into the tamarind-garlic sauce provided – it's a veritable bridge over the Bay of Bengal between India and Asia.

Goi Cuon Chay
Looking at River's menu, I deduced that 'chay' must be Vietnamese for 'roll', but the Goi Cuon (Garden) Chay could not have been more different than the Cha Gio (Spring) Chay. Served cold, the Goi Cuon Chay is a refreshing, light counternote to the rich indulgence that is the Cha Gio Chay. Cool, powdery rice paper is wrapped around a bouquet of lightly seasoned but flavorful veggies, mint leaves, and mushrooms. The texture of the shrooms was so meaty and the taste so intense that we initially mistook it for pork, and almost sent them back! These come with a peanut plum dipping sauce that was so good, I was tempted to dip my fingers in it after the rolls were gone.

The word "romantic" doesn't do justice to the atmosphere at Flor de Sol. Imagine for a moment that you've traveled backward through time, and have arrived in the basement of a Spanish nobleman's castle – only you've brought a room full of black-clad, multiethnic young partygoers with you, and the prices are unmistakeably 21st century.

That's Flor de Sol, a bit of interior decorating magic on Greenwich St. High up in the rafters, crossed swords hang next to colorful banners, and metal sconces mounted high on crude wooden posts hold candles dripping with ambiance. The walls are primarily exposed brick (either very old or carefully distressed) with the occasional framed painting of a saint or a sunflower to brighten things up. The tables and chairs are somber in color and strict in line, creating a mood more like a depraved monastery than a cozy restaurant. Yet the overall feeling is convivial, festive, and above all bursting with the romance of a time and a place far, far away.

I wish I could say the same for the food. Perhaps I've been spoiled by my recent visit to Barcelona, but in my opinion, tapas should be small portions with proportionately small prices. At Flor de Sol, each plate of tapas cost more than I usually pay for my entire lunch. They were good, but not spectacular enough to justify the expense, in my opinion. Then again, there's a reason that the Zagat guide rates restaurants on price, service, and décor. It takes some combination of all three to be a success, and Flor definitely succeeded with their look. As for the service, it was perfectly fine: young, eager to please, and struggling with their English. The cost was absurd ($2.50 for about two shots of diet coke?!) but if you like the décor enough, it's a great place for a date, so who cares about the other criteria?

Some tapas to try, particularly if you're a vegetarian: Hongos Rellenos (stuffed mushrooms), Patatas Bravas (fiery sauce, yum!), Tortilla Espanola (like a quiche), Platanos al Gusto (translation, al garlic!), Vegetable Empanadillas Rellenas (yummy greens inside). If you're not a vegetarian, try anything with shrimp. The night we visited they had a delicious special of Camarones Salteados: brazilian shrimp sautéed with baby broccoli in wine sauce. The vegetarian paella also surprised me, mostly because it existed! but also because it was quite flavorful, considering that without the seafood, you're basically eating vegetables and rice.

Desserts were good but not to die for. The Pastel Tres Leches (three milk cake?!) sounded absolutely foul, but tasted pleasantly light and sweet. The wine list has some great Spanish selections, but the best thing at Flor de Sol is the fruity sangria. Romancers on a budget can order it at the bar and soak up the ambiance!

If you really, really don't want to run into anyone you know, then the best way I can think of to spend $12 on an evening's entertainment is the lecture series at the American Museum of Natural History. Unless you're a paleontologist, of course.

The quality of the lectures varies. Some seem to be targeted more toward a younger (read: grade school) audience, whilst others are so fraught with technical jargon that you wish you'd brought a dictionary – or better yet, a translator who speaks fluent scientist. My favorite by far was famed writer and neuropsychologist Oliver Sacks, who gave an engaging and charmingly awkward speech about the work that led to his 1973 book "Awakenings", on which the movie "Awakenings" was based. He described the filming of a 1974 British documentary (also called Awakenings) that was also based on his sleeping sickness patients and their miraculous, but temporary recoveries. After the lecture we attended the long overdue U.S. premiere of that documentary, which even today is rarely shown in the U.S. It contains interviews with the actual patients on which director Penny Marshall's characters are based. In 40 minutes of film, we get to know them as they awaken from their bizarre coma-like states, come to terms with a world that has left them behind, and then tragically, slip back into illness and decline.

A recent visit to see Richard Ellis speak on The Origins and Evolution of Life in the Sea was less successful. Mr. Ellis was ill prepared, and spent much of his allotted two hours showing slides of his hobby, sketching fossils, while rambling to and fro on three tangentially related topics, yet never tying them together. Still, he was an entertaining and often amusing speaker, and to his credit, he showed great restraint and good taste in not hitting up the audience to purchase copies of his latest book, Aquagenesis, which was offered for sale after the lecture. The evening wasn't a complete waste – I learned that the only other species on earth that regularly walks upright (and has the vertically-oriented spine to do so) is the penguin. Who knew!

Other upcoming lectures will cover topics such as "The Mangrove Forest" and "Emotion and the Human Brain".

Of course, if fossilized trilobites and the "aquatic ancestor theory" don't put you in an amorous frame of mind, there's always the brand new planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth and Space. Completely rebuilt and sporting the latest in Zeiss Star Projectors, the revamped planetarium even uses dry ice to immerse you in an exciting, educational ride through outer space (narrated by Tom Hanks, no less!) Plus it's really, really dark in there.