One thing you have to know when you travel or move to northwestern Florida is that it is a lot different than travelling or living in Southern Florida. I lived in outside of Fort Lauderdale for 14 months from 1999-2000 and can testify to this now that I am living in Northwestern Florida in a small town called Milton. After 16 years in the sticks of Idaho, I thought I had seen it all with rednecks and other rural adventures in the mountains in the McCall/Donnelly, but nothing could prepare me for life in "the wilds of Milton."
Native born Floridians and newcomers will tell you that Northwestern Florida is known as Floribama because it is closer to Alabama than other states and life is so much similar to life in Alabama and the other Gulf States. Life is pretty laid-back here in Floribama and city folk like me are shocked that people still have chicken coops and other livestock living in their backyards that are only 5 miles from the nearest grocery store.
When Mom and I moved to our new home in Milton at the end of July, we were surprised to be neighbors with a man named Wayne and his chicken coop, goat, and after looking in his yard one more time, a couple of pigs. "This will be fun!", I thought, but Mom and I have gotten spoiled by living in the quiet country solitude of Donnelly, Idaho for 10 years and in rural Meridian, Idaho for almost six more years. Mom and I thought a crowing rooster going off at the crack of dawn would be no problem. The rooster, who Mom calls Rudy, never bothered us with his crack of dawn crowing, and the bleating of the goat wasn't an issue either.
The pigs are another story altogether. Our first full night at our new humble abode, Wayne comes up to me as I am dumping moving boxes into the trash and tells me that he is about to have his pigs slaughtered. "OK" I thought, he will take him to the slaughterhouse, and that will be it. A co-worker of mine who is also named Wayne told us that he was taking his two pigs Mary Beth and Gloria to the slaughterhouse to be processed, and I thought our neighbor Wayne would be doing the same. WRONG! About 5 p.m. as Mom and I are getting ready for dinner and feeding our cats Zoe and Xena, we hear two loud pops from someone's gun. Wayne and his buddies have done the dirty deed of pig sticking all by themselves, and for the next couple of hours work on cutting Porky and Petunia into chops and other smoked goods for Wayne's birthday party the next day. Luckily we didn't see the butchering from our windows, and I was glad they did the deed behind the shed that blocks some of Wayne's property from our view. The next day at work, I tell Walter and Jim, two of our Department Heads, about the whole thing, and Jim jokes, "I guess those little piggies didn't go to the market!" HA HA!
But, dear readers, the adventures with the pigs doesn't end there. About three weeks later, Mom and I are cleaning up for dinner when Mom opens the back door and sees something one doesn't see in their backyard on a regular basis. "Look what's here!", Mom exclaims and I run to the back porch in time to see three little pigs running through our yard. "Oh boy! Wayne has gotten more pigs!", I say. During the next few hours we see the thre little piggies running around Wayne's yard loose, and Wayne and his wife are out for the evening. Being a city girl, I find this pretty entertaining, and Mom and I sit on the porch rather than watch the Red Sox getting shelacked by the Evil Empire or whoever they were playing that night, and watch the three little pigs running around in a last chance of freedom before being made into pork chops. Even Zoe and Xena are picqued by livestock in the neighborhood and sit on the porch watching the pigs and puffing their tails whenever they come near the yard.
So city girl me is really curious about these pigs and wants to get pictures of them for my friends around the world and for Igougo.com. Like Margaret Bourke White, I get out the trusty camera and get off the porch and to the fence dividing Wayne's and our property and get a shot of the pigs in their yard grazing. Then the pigs see me and come up to the fence, and I get back on the porch. YEESH! "These pigs don't look anything like "Babe" or Miss Piggy!", I think to myself. They are kind of smelly, on the small side and kind of ugly. No cute pink piggies here with eyeshadow and lipstick here! They must think I have food, and I tell them I don't and return to the porch. A couple of minutes later, I return to the fence to check them out again, and they think I have food and run to the open gate in the back yard and make their way out of the yard towards me. YIKES! I don't know if the piggies are friendly or maneaters and start running with the three little pigs behind me in hot pursuit. In my flight, I blow my right calf muscle out and hop and limp up to the safety of the porch. Xena has run into the house and Zoe has puffed her tail up in fright and runs into the house, too. Mom wishes she had the camera to get the shot of my running from the pigs who are now heading to the neighbor on the right of us land.
Three weeks of limping on a swollen calf and ankle (I might have twisted it running) and explaining to friends and family about my adventures of the three little pigs have made me the butt of many jokes and stories. The District Human Resource lady at work said there have been incidents of domestic pigs running away and becoming wild complete with tusks. I laugh with them.
Eventually, I see Wayne in the yard last week, and he tells me that the three little pigs are going to the market (they are really going to the market this time) at the end of the month, and I tell him about my adventure with them a couple of weeks before. Wayne also wishes that there was a picture of my running from his pigs. He tells me the pigs were probably hungry and had let themselves back into their pen before Wayne and his wife got home that night. Who knows what sparked the three little pigs taste for freedom, but I wonder if this is going to be one of many experiences for me in the country. Mom suggested when we were getting ready to move into the house that we get some chickens for our own eggs since a lot of our neighbors have their own coops. I told her "no way." First, I am afraid of birds and their wings flapping and claws, and I am afraid of getting clawed by a chicken when I would go and get eggs. Second, Zoe and Xena would most likely be sitting outside the coop licking their chops and watching these birds in anticipation for their own personal chicken dinner. The birds might not lay eggs being scared out of their wits at the sight of the little killers stalking them. Third, I am not one to want to clean chicken coops. When it gets wet, chicken and turkey coops tend to get pretty ripe, and I know that from staying in Slovakia during the Summer of 2002. Biking past a turkey farm that was pretty smelly on daily bike rides gave my gag reflexes a test. We'll just stick with dogs and cats for now.
This past weekend, our new neighbor to our right moved in with two horses and two dogs. The horses are magnificent creatures and I woke up this morning to their whinnying while their owners groomed and exercised them. Who said life in the country is lame. I am looking forward to more experiences of living in the country. Stay tuned!