Romantic Beach Dining

The Burro Bar has the absolute worst service in Vallarta. If you want a waiter to notice he has people at his station – do not come here. If you want to order a drink without bellowing and doing aerobic arm flailing – do not come here. If you want to order lunch before dinnertime - do not come here. I love this place.

What I love.
1 – The location - on the beach. You can get bad service while wiggling your toes in the sand.
2 – The setting – under a large palapa, or one of the personal sized ones, surrounded by palm trees and tiki-donkeys.
3 – The food – not fancy but consistently good, filling, and reasonably priced.
4 – The beer – sold by the bucketful, making the bad service less important. The extremely inebriating coconut drinks are pretty good too.

Our last visit to the Burro Bar was pretty typical. We arrived, looked for a waiter near the table we wanted, ordered a couple of buckets and sat down. Our beers were quickly delivered and we asked for a menu before the waiter has a chance to run off. We sat around, drinking our beers, watching the beach, gossiping. We planned to spend the whole day at the beach. A half hour, forty five minutes later, the waiter showed up with the menus. We ordered some more beer, which was quickly delivered on the fly by a running waiter. (We don’t know where he was running. It couldn’t possibly have been to take an order.) About an hour later we ordered some nachos. They were great, as usual. As the afternoon wore on we chased the waiter down to get more beer. Close to evening we ordered shrimp cocktails. Also good. Eventually we caught the waiter and asked for the bill, and asked for the bill again, and asked once again. We got our things, headed for the door and the bill appeared. It had been a perfect day on the beach.

A word about the food – I have eaten here many times over the years and here are my recommendations. From the breakfast menu I am partial to the chicken enchiladas which are three corn tortillas rolled around mounds of shredded chicken topped with a tasty but not hot tomato sauce then covered with oodles of melted cheese and served with refried beans. The Campechana is also very good. It is a shrimp and octopus cocktail served the Mexican way, in the broth the seafood was cooked in with diced tomato, onion, cucumbers, cilantro and avocado with catsup, hot sauce, Worcestershire, magi and lime to add at you discretion. From the lunch/dinner menu I also have my favorites. For a snack nothing beats their nachos. They have six different varieties to choose from – plain nachos with just beans and cheese, supreme with beans, cheese, chorizo, ground beef, tomato, onions and peppers; deluxe with beans, cheese, shrimp, mushrooms and bacon; by the sea with beans, cheese, shrimp, tomatoes, onions and peppers; meat-lovers, topped with beans, cheese, ground beef, chicken, chorizo and bacon; nacho fajitas, with beans, cheese, chicken, tomato, onions and peppers. They all come with salsa and jalapenos on the side. My favorites are the plain nachos. For a light meal I like the the burrito – a choice of shrimp, chicken or steak (I always get steak) wrapped in a flour tortilla and not much else, with salsa and jalapenos on the side. My friends swear by their burgers. I’m not a big fan but the breaded fish fillet burger can be pretty good. It comes served with French fries and coleslaw. For a real meal I like the Boca del Rio shrimp but most adults I know do not. It is advertised as shrimp in a sweet and sour sauce but it tastes an awful lot like catsup to me. It comes tossed with bacon and covered with white and American cheese. It may be an acquired taste. Another favorite is the Mexican plate - with a steak taco, a chicken enchilada, a chile relleno, a quesadilla, beans and rice.

Tip – after you finish your bucket of beer and are looking around, don’t panic, there are bathrooms. Go out the front door, across the promenade, up a couple of stairs into the building, look at the end of the room to the right. Other than the sand customers track in the bathrooms are usually clean.

El Farallon Restaurant & Burros Bar, better known as the Burro Bar, is in Puerto Vallarta’s Romantic Zone. The great location, food and beer, not to mention the atrocious service with a smile, are the reasons I recommend it.

Sails said, "WAITER, HELLO, WAITER!!!!...another bucket of beers please. Thank the Gods we’re on the beach."
The Irishman said, "I like it here. They leave me alone"
Pablo said, "I don’t mind waiting. A lot of pretty bikinis walk by."

sample menu
Chicken Enchiladas............80 pesos/US$7.60
soft rolled corn tortillas filled with chicken,
covered with mild tomato salsa and topped
with melted white cheddar
Campechana............90 pesos/US$8.60
cold shrimp broth with octopus, shrimp,
tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, avocado
and cilantro
Super Burrito............130 pesos/US$12.40
giant flour tortilla filled with grilled flank steak,
grilled shrimp, bacon and cheddar cheese
Shrimp Quesadillas............90 pesos/US$8.60
flour tortillas filled with white
cheddar cheese and shrimp

The Burros Bar is open daily from 9:00 am until midnight. The kitchen is open until 10:00 pm. Credit cards are not accepted.

Directions
The Burros Bar is on the beach at Lazaro Cardenas. From the parking/plaza Lazaro Cardenas head toward the beach. Look to your right.

Right on the beach, just off of Lazaro Cardenas park, Canto del Mar is in the perfect location and popular with many friends of ours but somehow we had never been. We ended up going in by accident, originally trying for the place next door. From the park side it is confusing which opening belongs to which restaurant; from the beach it is easy. Look at the tablecloths.

A cheerful waiter immediately ushered us to a shady table, gave us menus and took drink orders. It looked like we were staying. Seated on the sand, surrounded by coconut palms and beach umbrellas, we were happy as clams. The beer was cold. We watched the waves and listened to the 70s classic rock the bartender put on when we arrived not knowing whether it was his taste or his take on us. We were the only customers at the time. Had we been dated? Judged? It didn’t matter. We drank beer and sang along.

Later, much later, we got around to the menu. As we had expected, it was mostly seafood – shrimp, fish filet and whole fish served a myriad of ways, lobster, mussels, squid and octopus were also offered. There was a decent selection for the seafood-shy including steaks, ribs, fajitas and burgers but not much for vegetarians, just the usual – chips, salsa, guacamole, quesadillas and nachos. Prices were typical for the area, many of the seafood dishes cost 120 pesos.

The service was speedy for a laid back beach place. We started with an order of fried calamari and some beef nachos. The calamari was crisp and tender with a tasty dipping sauce somewhere between tartar sauce and salad dressing but not abundant. The nachos were covered with cheese and chunks of tender steak. Once we got some salsa we were happy. For the main course mostly shrimp and mixed seafood cocktails were ordered, I had the garlic fish fillet and Linda had the burger. The consensus on the cocktails - good but far from great. My fish fillet on the other hand was wonderful – a nice sized piece of mahi-mahi covered in sautéed garlic served with rice and mediocre vegetables. The burger was just plain weird. We’re not sure what had been done to it. The meat was paper thin and possibly deep fried. The bread was soggy, the toppings wilted. My recommendation – if you hate your dining companion insist he have the burger.

We have been back repeatedly since this visit. The service is always friendly and usually attentive. The food is pretty good, the garlic fish filet is always great. We stay far far away from the burgers. For a light snack I recommend the French fries or fish on a stick, both always seem to be very tasty. Our first visit we left before the music started but we now have come in many Sundays. The group plays mellow rock, reggae, the usual. They seem to have a lot of fun and the patrons love them. The sand, the sea, the palm trees and the cold beer are always here, so we return.

Javier said, "tender calamari, not tough at all, very fresh, great batter, not greasy. We were treated well. Very agile service. There was a huge table next to us that our waiter was also attending; they were well served but we were never ignored. Very attentive."
Sails said, "Cold beer, good squid, friendly service, right on the beach, our feet in the sand – what more could you want. We should have stayed longer; we missed the music."

sample menu
Crab Tacos............60 pesos/US$5.70
Clam Chowder............60 pesos/US$5.70
Whole Fried Red Snapper............199 pesos/US$
Spicy Shrimp............120 pesos/US$19.00
Beef Fajitas............110 pesos/US$10.50
B B Q Ribs............110 pesos/US$10.50


Canto del Mar is open daily from sometime before noon until somewhere after sunset. There is live music, mostly soft rock and Mexican ballads, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Visa and MasterCard are accepted.

Directions
Canto del Mar is on the beach. From the parking/plaza Lazaro Cardenas walk a few meters west.

Cuates y Cuetes, roughly translated, means twins and fireworks. It also can mean best buddies and tipsy folk. I think the latter best describes this place. Teté, the owner, is a bubbly, loving, airhead who really gets into special occasions. Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving and St. Patrick’s Day are often celebrated but Revolution Day, November 20, is an all out party. The solstice and equinoxes, are also a big deal, especially the spring one, are brought in with an indigenous religious ceremony and then a concert on the beach. Even on uncelebrated days this is a happy place to be.

Located on the beach, right next to Los Muertos pier, Cuates is open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It also is a busy bar. The menu is simple, having nothing fancy but offering plenty of snack food, seafood and Mexican specialties. The breakfast menu has all the usual offerings. Over the years I have eaten here often and I have my favorites. For breakfast you can’t beat the Bistec Ranchero, a thin steak covered in a tasty tomato based sauce and served with incredibly good potatoes and black beans. For a snack I usually order nachos. There are six kinds to choose from. I am partial to the chicken and guacamole ones. For a real meal I always start with avocado soup – a big bowl of homemade chicken broth garnished with mounds of avocado, cheese and other goodies. For the main course I can always count on the breaded shrimp being perfect. It is one of the few places I will order breaded shrimp. The shrimp quesadillas, the hard shell tacos and the Rosarito style tacos are more of my favorites.

Cuates is a comfortable and entertaining place to be. It probably has one of the most popular happy hours in town and is then usually followed by live music. There is seating down on the beach and also in the open air building under the awning. Your choice – toes in sand or toes on floor. Inside fans keep the air moving, on the beach there’s a breeze. If your thing is good service, sit inside because while Cuates servers are always super friendly some are less than attentive. Inside you have a better chance of flagging one down. Any table is a good spot for watching the goings-on on the beach like parasailing, banana boat rides and general beach strutting. If you like shopping from the beach vendors you’ll have a blast but if you consider these salesmen the scum of the earth I recommend you sit inside and away from the rail.

Cuates y Cuetes, called CCs by the happy hour brigade of expats, is frequented by a wide range of people – locals, tourists, nationals and foreigners in all age groups and from all walks of life - except during happy hour that is. Dress is casual, life is good, this is the place to kick back and watch the sun set. And yes, those strange people applauding, they are thanking Mother Nature for a beautiful day's end. I think.

Sails said, "Very friendly owner and staff, decent food, good drinks, good music and most importantly, it's on the beach. I end up here quite often. The shrimp quesadillas, the breaded shrimp and the potatoes served with breakfast are really good."

sample menu
breakfast
Bacon and Eggs............46 pesos/US$4.40
Cheese Omelet............60 pesos/US$5.70
Hot Cakes with Fruit............48 pesos/US$4.60
dinner
Garlic Soup............50 pesos/US$4.75
Nachos with Guacamole............98 pesos/US$9.30
Fish n Chips............110 pesos/US$10.50
Shrimp in a Butter Sauce............150 pesos/US$14.30
Chicken Enchiladas............89 pesos/US$8.50
Cheeseburger and Fries............86 pesos/US$8.20


Cuates y Cuetes is open daily from 7:00 am until 11:00 pm. Credit cards are not accepted. There is live music most nights, from 7:30 pm until 10:00 pm.

Directions
Cuates y Cuetes is on the beach at Francisca Rodriguez. From the southwest corner of parking/plaza Lazaro Cardenas (the ocean is to the west) head south along Olas Altas for three blocks, go right on Francisca Rodriguez one block. The restaurant is on the right. You can also head south along the beach for three blocks.

Epoca is a pleasant restaurant on the ground floor of a large building of condominiums, but open to the public. It is on Los Muertos Beach in Puerto Vallarta’s Romantic Zone. The street side entrance can be somewhat confusing. If there is a sign reading "Residents Only", you’re at the wrong door. Head a few steps toward the beach and you will find the right place. Most people go in from the beach – no confusion there.

Surprisingly, we found parking just outside. We went in the side door and found ourselves in a typical Vallarta building with tile floors, white walls, and teja and wood beam ceilings. The level we were on, there were plenty of wooden tables and chairs but they were not set. This area seems to only be used when things are hopping. To the left, up a few steps, is a wall of windows. If I remember correctly, it used to be an air conditioned dining area. Now it just seems to be a storage area for linens and such. The kitchen is in there somewhere. Down a few steps, toward the beach, is a covered patio with a lot more seating, and this is where we were directed. It was an off hour so we had our choice of tables. We chose one the sun couldn’t possibly touch. They all have a view of the beach. On the other end of the patio is a teensy but bustling bar. Across the sidewalk, on the beach, are more tables, under individual palapas (thatched umbrellas). It’s a big place.

Our smiling waiter soon arrived with menus. One of us, who will remain nameless (Javier), was suffering a diabolical hangover. We were making fun of him and the waiter jumped right in with a little teasing of his own. We ordered drinks and looked at the menu. The breakfast menu offered the usual egg dishes, pancakes, fruit plates and such but also a few Mexican specialties like beef tips albañil, chilaquiles and enchiladas. The lunch menu had mostly light stuff with lots of snacks, soups, salads and sandwiches to choose from plus some more complete meals featuring mostly seafood. The dinner menu was shorter and much fancier with dishes like Mahi-Mahi Tikin Xie and Rib Eye al Pastor. Breakfast and lunch were cheap considering the location. Dinner was much more expensive but still not bad for this neighborhood.

Our waiter returned quickly with our drinks, and a little extra something to cure the hangover, compliments of the house. It looked like a bloody Mary to me. Javier slurped it down, later swearing his hangover was gone.

The food we had ordered took quite a while to be served, but waiting, while sitting next to the beach, is never a hardship. The Rancho Nachos were a jumble of tortilla chips covered with refried beans, sprinkled with cheese and topped with grilled skirt steak strips. The consensus was – too many chips, not enough beans, way too little cheese, and excellent beef. We had to wait for the salsa which didn’t help. The shrimp tacos – corn tortillas filled with batter fried shrimp, radish, cabbage, tomato and cilantro then topped with a creamy sauce and an avocado sauce – were incredibly good. The shrimp were crisp and plump, the vegetables fresh, and I don’t know what they put in the sauces, but wow they were good.

After eating, we sat around watching the beach and drinking beer. Our waiter was attentive but never hovered. People came and went, some vacationers and some locals, but the place never got busy, except for the tiny bar. Epoca is a great place to relax. The food isn’t bad, the service is friendly and the location is excellent.

Javier said, "rico shrimp taco, the nachos are boring, light on the cheese, too many bald chips, not enough meat but at least it's really good meat. Not a bad price but definitely needs more cheese. Really good shrimp taco."
Sails said, "You guys, why don't you want to sit on the beach. Look, there are tables down there. It’s a beautiful day. I don’t want anything to eat. Let me have one of those tacos. Damn that's good. Yeah you’re right, the nachos need more cheese, good meat though. What do you mean were out of tacos? I'm going down to the beach."

sample menu
breakfast
Shrimp Omelet............79 pesos/US$7.50
Breakfast Burrito............52 pesos/US$5.00
Chicken Enchiladas............79 pesos/US$7.50
lunch
Shrimp Stuffed Avocado............85 pesos/US$8.10
Baja Style Shrimp Tacos............77 pesos/US$7.30
Club Sandwich............79 pesos/US$7.50
dinner
Spinach and Jicama Salad............76pesos/US$7.25
with carrots, cashews, and cherry
tomatoes in a honey tamarind vinaigrette
Spicy Clams and Mussels............94 pesos/US$9.00
in a creamy chipotle and anchovy sauce
served with grilled bread
Mahi-Mahi Tikin Xie............178 pesos/US$17.00
bathed in an achiote marinade and poached in a banana leaf
served with wild rice and a mango, cucumber and jicama salad
Rack of Lamb Norteño. ...........244 pesos/US$23.25
in a red wine and mint sauce
served with a potato cake,
roasted chayote and red beets

Epoca is open daily from 8:30 am to 10:30 pm. Happy hour is from noon to 2:00 pm and again from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm. Visa and MasterCard are accepted.

Directions - Epoca is on Aquiles Serdan at the beach. From the parking/plaza Lazaro Cardenas head north along the beach for two blocks.

On the beach, just up from the pier in Puerto Vallarta’s Romantic Zone, is the restaurant Langostino’s. There are plenty of tables on the sand under individual palapas. Inside the decor is tropical and seating is comfortable with views of the busy beach and the ocean.

We had been greeted by an exuberant waiter as we approached. He led us to our table, gave us menus and took drink orders. This is when anything resembling service ended. The restaurant specializes in seafood and the menu reflects this with a long list of shrimp, fish and lobster. Many of the appetizers, salads, soups and pasta dishes have seafood too but there are also plenty of options not from the ocean. There are fajitas, steaks and Mexican specialties like quesadillas and tacos. The prices seemed about average for the neighborhood.

While we were here (during the low season) only a few tables of people came in. All appeared to be tourists from the States and Canada. Being right on the beach, dress is very casual.

The waiter was outside trying to flag in customers. We were ready to order and still had not been served our drinks. We caught the waiter’s attention. He seemed annoyed at having been disturbed. After a lengthy wait our food arrived along with our drinks. The ice had melted and the beer was warm. The waiter was back outside before we had a chance to complain. We had decided to split appetizers. The fish ceviche tostadas were abundantly topped and nicely garnished. They tasted about average. The threesome of the sea, which was shrimp, scallops and squid, all breaded, came served with French fries. It looked nice enough. We grabbed our first morsels. We grimaced. Javier actually spit his out. The breading was soaked in grease, the squid felt like rubber, the shrimp were dry and the scallops, yuck, were rubbery, dry and tasted funky. The French fries, crinkle cut from the freezer section, were the only edible thing on the plate.

Still hungry, with no time to change restaurants and no stomach for seafood, we wanted ice-cream. It is a brand served in many restaurants around town. We shouted our order to the waiter who was outside talking to friends. I had orange sherbet which is presented in an orange. It was delicious. Javier had a sundae presented in a plastic glass. It wasn’t nearly as fun as mine but just as good. We walked outside to request our bill. The waiter asked how everything had been. We told him. He replied, "That’s too bad. You should have had our seafood. It’s the best in town." Huh?

I do not recommend Langostino’s but my mother taught me if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, so here goes. The location is great. The bathroom was nice. Eat ice-cream!

Javier said, "we don't like it, the waiter joking with passersbys at the expense of his customers, inexcusable, and old tough squid, gross.
Sails said, "Yuck"

sample menu
breakfast
Hotcakes............45 pesos/US$4.30
Chorizo and Cheese Omelet............48 pesos/US$4.60
Eggs Benedict............66 pesos/US$6.30
lunch and dinner
Chicken Enchiladas............65 pesos/US$6.20
Onion Soup............45 pesos/US$4.30
Spaghetti Bolognese............95 pesos/US$9.00
Octopus Cocktail............110 pesos/US$10.50
Whole Red Snapper............135 pesos/US$12.90
Kilo and a Half of Shrimp............525 pesos/US$50.00
cooked any style

Langostino's is open daily from 8:00 am to 11:00 pm. Happy hour is from 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm. There is live music, usually soft rock, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights. Credit cards are not accepted.

Directions - Langostinos is on the beach at M. M. Dieguez. From the southwest corner of parking/plaza Lazaro Cardenas (the ocean is to the west) head south along Olas Altas for two blocks, go right on M. M. Dieguez one block. Turn left at the beach. The restaurant is on the left. You can also head south along the beach for two and a half blocks.