"No! I cannot take a drinks order until you have ordered your food."
The rather harsh statement from the waiter was directed at a startled group of Spanish tourists, obviously spending a little too long in deciding upon their order. Sitting at the next table, I had a ringside seat of the entertainment.
Flustered, one of the group tried to explain that this was the first time most of them had eaten Indian food and they wanted a little time to decide their order.
Did our waiter act with sympathy and allow them a drink to accompany their struggle with the menu?
No, he decided to bark out choices for them. Fortunately, one of the group with the best English, and experience of Indian food decided to control the situation, and ordered a selection of food.
Was our waiter satisfied?
"You have not ordered enough food for the table", he insisted a number of times. The leader of the group persisted, and told the waiter that they did not have a big appetite and that was what they wanted to eat. Our waiter finally went away, the hard sell attempted and failed.
Diners 1, Waiters 0.
I offered a wry smile, as about 5 minutes earlier I had survived a perversely hard sell of accompanying salad, poppadoms, vegetable side dishes, and an insistent statement that I must have rice with my meal.
Diners 2, Waiters 0 – a satisfying result.
However, this was not to prove to be either my most relaxing meal or my best choice of restaurant.
Unfortunately, there are still restaurants that rely on unsuspecting visitors to make up the bulk of its custom. From my experience, the attractive looking Maharaja Indian Restaurant on Queensway in Bayswater, and very near the Bayswater tube station appears to be such a place.
The Maharaja is a nicely furnished restaurant, with cloth tablecloths and a menu that although a little more expensive than the nearby competition looked reasonable. One thing that swung it for me was that the word "buffet" was absent. Live with a trained food hygienist for 20 years, and you too will want to avoid buffet food like the, a-hem, plague!
Unfortunately, inside, the restaurant is quite long and thin, with tables quite closely crammed together. This was cosy for me, as I was a sole diner on this occasion on a business trip, but I wasn’t too sure the Spanish party appreciated me being at the edge of their discomfort.
Another ominous sign came when my onion bhaji starters arrived scant minutes after my order. They tasted dry, were rather day glow orange, a little stale, and tasted like they had been sat in the kitchen just waiting for an order to arrive. I was distinctly unimpressed that I had to pay another 85p for the yoghurt sauce to make them palatable. Fortunately, the shredded lettuce and tomato was free.
My table was quite close to the bar area, and each of the wait staff had the unfortunate habit of putting their hand down on my table as they passed it. I found this disruptive; particularly considering the table wobbled. I was also unimpressed with the slightly rotten smell that wafted around the restaurant once or twice. I didn’t really detect where that came from, but it could have been the drains (which to be fair wouldn’t have necessarily been the fault of the restaurant). It wasn’t there all the time, but just little unpleasant wafts to keep my sense of smell on heightened alert. Fortunately, I can’t blame the food as I felt no poorly after effects.
I was also unimpressed with being force fed my bottle of Kingfisher larger. Almost each time I had put my glass down a waiter came along to fill my glass. I much prefer to moderate my own drinking, and find it rather invasive. The Spanish table also protested at this action. Again, to me it stank of the "hard sell" approach.
I had ordered Chicken Tikka Masala for my main course, and although it had the word (nut) next to the order, I was unprepared for the coconut assault. I’m more used to Muslim style curry, and the Indian habit of adding coconut doesn’t please me. However, again, I appreciate this is just personal preference, and to be fair, I was warned! The meat was plentiful, and although I didn’t personally like the taste of the meal, it wasn’t badly done.
My naan bread was less forgivable, about the size of a tiny supermarket naan and about as fresh and palatable. The naan must represent about the worst £2.80 I have ever spent in an Indian restaurant. I am used to a naan being perfectly adequate to accompany my meal, but this one ran out half way through. No matter, I wasn’t over fussed with the curry to worry about it too heavily.
Again, my main course arrived scant minutes after my starter plate was collected. I always like my meals to be prepared, and this speed just made me think that the kitchen were rushing the job and using pre-prepared food.
Worse, I still had my knife and folk in my hand as the plates were being taken away. The waiter then asked, "finished?" as I handed him my knife and folk. Hmm, I have now!
Partly to upset the wait staff who seemed to think I was after some kind of speed eating record, I decided to linger over the reminder of my drink, and let my food hit my stomach before departing. To be fair, they did let me do this without comment.
My bill came to £22 with a mandatory 10% tip added. I guess I can’t complain that my service wasn’t attentive or fast; however, it certainly wasn’t a stress free experience. Not to be recommended.
by Slug on November 27, 2008
Maharaja Indian Restaurant
50 Queensway London W2 3RY
+44 20 7727 1135