Panamá City; the Capital Offenses

My approach to Panamá City was met with an expectation that travel information never quite seemed to incorporate with any merit. After all, this was a booming metropolis now frequently pronounced as "Latin America's most Cosmopolitan Capital". If the unconventional skyline was to be of any indication, there had to be more than what guidebooks and website reviews indicated; at least beyond expected ruins of the first city and impoverished hovel of the second.

Well, there was and now it's patent why most travelers landing at Tocumen International Airport simply pass through the capital, and keep right on going! That's the one luxury that Canal cruise ship passengers will likely be denied, but it doesn't necessarily mean that coming ashore will end-up feeling like fish out of water. If anything, the fabricated city is waiting just for them!

With one of the world's most bio diverse ecosystems sprawling across the countryside, the green of Panamá City salutes an unsophisticated version of nouveau wealthy amidst a clamoring, destitute preponderance that cannot be ignored! Ambitious locals, propagated expats, and haughty tourists live high on the hog around the financial district of El Cangrejo and lavish Punta Paitilla, where pretentiousness are the main attractions.

Unless aspiring towards unachievable materialism from home, effect was like gagging on the silver spoon that's force-fed. By end of my stay, I could almost justify the boorish bubble without wanting any part of the feast or famine, where crass and cheeky are offhandedly served as the main course. Otherwise, whether heading-out on your own or joining a City excursion group, ¡cuidese!

Removed from dire reputations of historic areas, Panamá City's "other" attractions are distractions at best; Third World euphemisms masquerading as second-rate venues that even my Latino partialities couldn't excuse. Fortunately, admission fees were never more than but the greatest waste was time, better spent in other parts of the country.

Of these trenchant reviews, Parque Nacional Metropolitano is the only one I would endorse, but even it pales in comparison with other National Parks less than an hour away. The city rendition has a superb mirador overlooking the Capital chaos, where "escape" overshadows all else.

All things considered, perhaps there's good reason why foreigners remain sequestered within the counterfeit crowds; something just as easily accomplished by staying home! Honestly, regardless of how you find yourself in Panamá City, don't be surprised to end-up asking why?

Quick Tips:

Down-to-Earth Panamá City
With limited information and guidebooks regarding Panamá, Lonely Planet is the most popular and disputable; especially involving the capital. From the moment of arriving, information was vague, inaccurate, or missing altogether. Greatest assets are the maps. Reviews list specifics to be aware of. Here's other things to keep in mind:

-- Popular attractions can be seen in one or two days, but plan for longer stays if exploring the nearby Canal and National Parks. Private or public transportation make these quite accessible, but accommodation options are limited in these areas.

-- Consider getting an early start with daily activities. Not only does this help beat the sweltering heat, heavy rains prevailed on most afternoons. Once clouds start brewing, there's about a 90-minute window before skies open, with need to take cover. By late afternoons, conditions had usually cleared-off.

-- Numerous attractions are clustered around Plaza Cinco de Mayo; a snarl that takes gumption to navigate without even considering the derelict area. Overwhelming to say the least, I never found Museo Afro-Antilleano or headquarters of the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute, which supposedly has a new wing dedicated to children and interactive displays regarding the environment.

By chance, I did pass by Museo de Ciencias Naturales. As part of a residential district, the mini-mansion was obscure like the sign. "Think Small" when tracking museums, without expecting much help from locals. Also keep in mind that hours of operation, including for days closed, don't carry much weight - for anything!

Turning-Up the Heat...
Pooped & Duped definitely stirred the pot of controversy for future travelers and tourists, but even more so for potential investors looking to permanently relocate. To no surprise, several exchanges have ran the gamut between the obvious and oblivious!

"Was it really that bad?" Compared to other places, Yes!

"But aren't there expat communities?" Yes.

How's your Spanish? "Not so good."

What did you think while visiting? "We haven't actually been there yet".

Well... Imagine trying to transfer and barricade hordes of "cheese" amidst a nest of rats, without them figuring out a way to become crumb snatchers. Can you really blame them, or the fat cats supposedly standing guard, that are just as hungry? Travelers and interlopers can expect all kinds of precautionary warnings and helpful suggestions from Panamanians. "Don't Feed the Animals" isn't one of them!

Best Way To Get Around:

Finding your way around Panamá City is an adventurous activity unto itself. Lay-out of the city along the arcing Bahía de Panamá is a confusing jumble of streets and avenues, where nothing runs in a true direction. It takes some doing just to first establish directional bearings before heading-out on your own. Here's other in-between basics:

-- For using public transportation, Los Diablos Rojos are all part of the capital experience; a ride to anywhere never costing more than 25¢. However, activities in this journal are around the suburb perimeters where buses don't run. Specific details for getting there are within each review.

-- Licensed taxis carouse with frequency as do random Panamanians pulling-over to offer rides; shun the latter! Drivers quote rates based on how much they think you're willing to pay, though the farthest taxi zone for a local is .65. Let that be the measuring stick. Willingness to share rides with other passengers also helps determine cheaper fares. Be advised that most drivers speak limited English or none at all, and aren't much help for finding places beyond major attractions.

-- Make sure to carry passport and tourist card at all times, or risk getting hauled-in. Law enforcement and military patrol frequently converse with travelers to insure well-being, but have no interest in seeing copies of original documents.

Night on the Town...
Panamá City's heralded nightlife proved scandalous and a bit much. As a solo traveler trying to enjoy a 40¢ beer in places around La Exposición neighborhood, solicitations for sex and drugs were constant and obnoxious. Discussing predicaments with a hotel security guard, he offered accompaniment to haunts of the seedy Santa Ana district on my last night.

The block-long pub crawl included five pitchers of beer, Seco shots, pool games and pole dancers, and dinner for two at the corner cafeteria; all for under including round-trip transportation. Head still pounding on the flight home, I was gracious for chance to indulge the "real thing"; the only gringo in an area I wouldn't have even dared venture by day. Nevertheless, without a local escort, being out anywhere in public after dark is potentially asking for mischievous trouble, harassment, or worse.

My Little Villages, which should translate Mis Pueblitos, was said to feature cultural replicas of various areas; namely in the styles of architectural influence and how these have shaped communities scattered across the country. Poble Españyol, located on Barcelona's Montjuic, had one of these types of parks that I thoroughly enjoyed despite criticisms for being nothing more than a tourist trap. If only the Panamá version would have been half as much in catering to tourism, without being nothing more than a hazardous trap!

This place goes down as the All-Time Bust of places I've been lured while on the road. The pitiful excuse of an attraction is divided into two sections. The entrance gate is coupled with the scant colonial features. The Afro-Antilles and Indigenous areas are across the driveway, behind the huge parking lot. In fact, you likely wouldn't even know they were there if it wasn't for the colorful banners, and suspicions that there had to be more than the traditional side.

The Caribbean gingerbread structures would have had potential if half the buildings weren't propped-up amidst falling down in various stages of decay. The few shops selling what was said to be "fine local handicrafts" were not only limited, selections looked more picked over than shelves on Christmas Eve.

Supposedly, the compound hosts cultural performances and events on weekend nights, but here's another thing to consider. The surrounding area is "said" to be extremely dangerous. I took a cab here on the way to the Causeway; driver cautioning about walking around beyond the park.

When it came time to leave, there was no hope catching an unoccupied taxi along busy Avenida de los Mártires without walking down the hill quite some distance to a taxistand, across the busy highway. Determination to get the hell out of there likely wouldn't be audacious enough to survive the walk after dark!

I was in and out of Mi Pueblitos in less than 30-minutes. Even if restoration became a priority, there would still be nothing worth stopping for. Save the $1-admission, and look at my photos because they captured about all there was to see.

-- Be advised that this place is packaged into numerous excursion tours as a cultural and lunch spot. In my opinion, finding Mi Pueblitos as part of an itinerary is enough to consider taking another tour that doesn't include here!

Travel information and locals' advice regarded this leisure and recreational haven with such grandeur, I'd planned on spending my entire last day here as a reward. Big mistake, but that doesn't mean this place should be totally written-off. Coming here in the daytime was miserable; especially on a weekday. Save this for the night or on weekends. Otherwise, don't bother.

The four small islands are connected and lined with upscale restaurants and bars that cater to large crowds of an evening. The Fuerte Amador Resort & Marina promised shops and activities mingled with historical significance within Front Grant, established by the U.S. in 1913 to guard the Canal entrance.

I quickly lost interest because during a weekday morning, the entire Causeway area was locked-up tight; completely abandoned with no indications that anywhere was even preparing to open for lunch. Cool respite from the city heat doesn't appear until later, either. As for sloth-ladened nature trails, I didn't even bother looking. Everywhere appeared parched and deserted, with no shade in sight.

Greatest disappointment was missing out on the Marine Exhibition Center, operated by the Smithsonian Tropcial Research Institute. I knew it didn't open until 1pm, but waiting around was out of the question with roasting the only thing to occupy time. Perhaps I didn't miss anything. Lonely Planet contradicts itself within the same description, referring to the pair of aquariums as "large" and "small"; I'd bet on the latter considering appearance of the building.

Actually, LP botched this entire section. The bicycle and inline skate rentals are no where near the entrance, and not even all that visible along Calle Amador well before the sprawls of parking lots. Los Diablos don't carouse the Causeway. There's taxi and carriage shuttles out to the islands of an evening and on weekends. I ended-up walking the distance thanks to a greedy taxi driver.

Catching a cab from nearby Mi Pueblitos, the driver quoted $3 until realizing that was simply to neighborhood border. He agreed on $2 more to the entrance, which got me to the parking lots. At those rates, I conceded to walk the remaining 2km+ roadway which forms the Causeway. Walking along the Canal was uneventful. Biking or skating would've been even more blistering.

Once reaching the tip and determining there was no point in sticking around, I haled a taxi for $3 back into the city. When asking about the Panama Canal Administration Building, located in Balboa Heights which LP groups with the Causeway, the driver gave an extended tour without requesting more.

Surrounded by sterile U.S. military bases, the stately building crowns a hill reached by elaborate staircases. The rotunda dome contains murals of the Canal's construction supposedly worth seeing between 10am and 2:30pm; "if you ask guards politely", according to LP. Considering how screwed-up information was regarding everything else in this section, I didn't want to bother. However, the driving tour through this area was interesting and a recommended daytime alternative.

Enslaved to the American dollar, Panama's economy is driven by extremes of the wealthy minority and impoverished majority. Since travelers are automatically lumped into the upper-echelon, purchasing power comes with a hefty price tag if buying what everyone wants you to believe, and where they'll expect you to go.

Shops and boutiques of the El Cangrejo or Punta Paitilla districts, which includes the European-styled Multicentro Mall, cater exclusively to the affluent. You can miss these spoils, but there's no escaping the Duty-Free zone at Tocumen International Airport; reminiscent of a NYC 5th Ave shopping-spree. In addition to top-of-the-line designer labels and exquisite jewelers, outlets peddle humongous-screen televisions and all the latest electronic gadgets.

Marked-up bottles of liquor, and $18 cartons of cigarettes (costing $1 a pack in the city), are indication that captive consumers need beware! Unfortunately, last-minute fleecings were unavoidable without planning ahead. Panamá City might be considered shopping capital of Central America, but good luck trying to find something as simple as a postcard!

Determining not to haul purchases around the country, I held out for the capital without realizing souvenir shops and local markets would be scant. Selections were even more limited compared to other towns. If something catches your eye along the way, buy it! Otherwise, last-minute opportunities at the airport will be a mixed-bag.

A pair of full-blown giftshops are on the upper-level, next to the main restaurant. I liked selections, but $8 for a magnet? For cheapskates, there's a couple of trinket shops beyond security clearance. Hindu Palacio is on either end of the Duty-Free strip, but don't expect much unless you're Hindu or Rhasta. My bag was full by time I left the country, but with hardly anything momento-related.

In Panamá City, travelers benefit with everyday items; priced for a population where minimum wage is still $1.25. Albrook Mall, across from the main transportation terminal, is a god-send for picking-up last minute things forgotten. The Super 99 resembles Wal-Mart with a bit of everything, and operates separate with extended hours. The mall opens at 9am, but businesses don't until 10am or later, and close at 9pm.

Clothing that might cost $5 per item at the mall can be found for half that along Avenida Central, which is a pedestrianized shopping area through the Calidonia/Santa Ana districts. Lined with department stores, what-not shops, and specialty outlets carrying everything from fabrics to lingerie costing 25¢, the impulsive browse is guaranteed to turn-up a little bit of everything - except souvenir items the general public has no use for.

-- Numerous shopping plazas are scattered about the suburbs. Costco is the only recognizable American-chain; membership card required to enter. Prices were cheaper than the States but more expensive compared to independent local businesses.

-- A 5% sales tax is added to all non-food items except in Duty-Free areas. If planning to make substantial purchases in the city, check to see if the store also operates a branch inside Tocumen's tax-free zone.

Rousing the ranger from his last moments of slumber, he pointed towards darkness beyond the shack, and quickly disappeared. Eyes had adjusted by time trail was found, and I was quickly swallowed into Parque Nacional Metropolitano; the Capital's 655-acre city park that serves as a buffer zone in more ways than one.

Dawn was rapidly approaching; the forest awakening along with the city. Sounds of nearby traffic, and small commuter planes from Albrook Airport, stirred restlessness of fluttering birds and haunting yawns of howler monkeys. Compared to other pristine National Parks just beyond the city, this one's not nearly as spectacular but yet is a recommended haven for escaping chaos of Panamá City.

Beginning at Sendero La Cienaguita before 6am was matchless entree for reaching crest of a mirador as sun was skirting over la Bahiá de Panamá. Openings within the canopy afford panoramas toward Miraflores Locks and island hills of the Causeway, but nothing surpassed glittering of the skyline menagerie.

The mirador is lined with benches, and I could've; should've stayed longer for enjoying spectacular views but knew wildlife would soon retreat.

At base of the hill, trail merges into Camino del Mono Titi, forming a loop back to the ranger station. Feeders along the way promised signs of these monkeys, but only small capybara-type rodents were scurrying that morning. And after weeks in pursuit of spotting toucans, a clearing revealed a tree-top full, and I was finally content.

There was nothing difficult about these pathes; even initially exploring through darkness. Bilingual information placards detail aspects of the tropical forest and ample wildlife living here. Most revealing was tracking of birds that summer along the Ohio Valley's Erie Canal, before flying south to Panama's similar Canal environment.

From the back entrance, another pair of pathes loop frontward towards the visitor center, extending along borders with busy roadway beyond the fence. Most intriguing of this section was the large botanical shop with a deluge of potted tropicals. One could actually catch a cab at the back ranger's station and skip paying; not that it would matter.

A cluster of buildings and pavilions encircle the main entrance, and visitor center opens at 8am. There's a small giftshop and museum off the main lobby, which I perused several times (and could've robbed blind) while waiting for staff to finish morning gossip while I paced in full-view. Eventually, it took pounding on the counter for someone to come collect the $2 admission.

-- Prearranged guided tours are available after 8am, but aren't necessary. I highly recommend arriving by 6am to maximize the experience.

-- Taxis provide the only access. Wait along the main road for departures. Ability to haggle and willingness to share rides determines rate. When leaving, consider heading towards nearby Albrook terminal and mall, where 25¢ Diablos are available back into the city.