All Netherlands, All the Time

We all know about the windmills and tulips - but the Netherlands is so much more than that.

I loved hopping on my bike and peddling to nearby towns to shop their weekly markets. The produce and bread are top notch - especially early in the morning. And you get to see so many people milling about.

Birthdays are such a joy to celebrate in the Netherlands, because everyone makes a big deal out of them! Some of the best parties I attended were birthday bashes. Be sure to bring a small gift for your host - even wine or flowers.

Sinterklaas is fantastic fun for the whole family. Try to meet him at the port when he arrives in November, or go see him at the castle in Helmond. The country's commitment to the idea is powerful.

The Netherlands is full of first-rate museums. My favorites included the Van Gogh and FOAM Photography museums in Amsterdam and the Gevangenpoort in The Hague. See my "Amsterdam, Netherlands" journal for more information about museums in Amsterdam.

De Efteling is a popular amusement park - and loads of fun for kids and adults.

Sate and bitterballen - my two favorite fast foods. Don't miss out.

Stroopwaffelen! Find them at any grocery store, and in most weekly markets.

There are wonderful beaches at Scheveningen and Zeeland.

Though I'm not a hard-core partier, as are many Carnaval-goers, I still manage to have a fantastic time celebrating Carnaval.

Quick Tips:

Be advised - stores are closed on Sundays and usually don't open till afternoon on Mondays, so get your shopping done by Saturday. Or check online to see if your town is having "koopzondag" - shopping Sunday. There is usually one per month.

If you like museums, get a museumjaarkaart. It grants free or reduced admission to more than 400 museums in the Netherlands for a year. It usually pays for itself after about three visits.

If you plan to spend a long period of time in the Netherlands, and plan to take the train, buy a rail discount card. For about 50,00 euros you get a 40% discount on all domestic travel for a year (some minor restrictions apply). As a bonus, three people can travel with you on your card. It'll easily pay for itself after a few longer trips.

If you plan to take the bus, you can save a little money by buying a strippenkaart from the grocery store instead of just buying each ticket onboard. Just show it to the driver, and he'll stamp the number of strips required for your trip. Just make sure you plan to use the entire thing - otherwise, you'll end up losing money!

Get out of Amsterdam. There's so much to see and do there - it's a wonderful city - but it's not all the Netherlands is about. You have beautiful beaches to the west, a festive Carnaval season to the south, and a whole different language up north. Get out and about - there's plenty to see, and you can get about anywhere you'd want to go within a couple of hours.

Best Way To Get Around:

The train is best for longer distances, and it connects pretty much everywhere you'd want to visit. It's definitely faster than sitting in traffic in your car, which you're bound to do - there's always a lot of traffic in the Netherlands.

Biking is a great way to cover short distances. The weather is usually mild, though rainy, and the ground is flat! If you don't have one of your own, you can rent them in many larger towns. There are plenty of bike paths to lead you to your destination.

Buses are available within cities and connecting close cities, but I avoided taking them. They're pretty reliable, but there's a good chance you're going to have to wait quite a while to catch a bus, especially if you're going a longer distance.

I spent the night of June 7th at the StayOkay hostel in Haarlem. It was quiet, and no wonder--its location is pretty inconvenient. We made the mistake of walking from the train station: it took ages, and the directions on the website are so crappy that we ended up not even being able to find it--thank goodness for nice Dutch people who know their way around and are willing to give rides to poor lost travelers.

Do yourself a favor--take the number 2 bus. It'll drop you off right at the hostel and only costs a couple of euros.

They have 2-, 4-, 6-, and 8-person rooms available. Our room, an 8-bed room, cost 17.50 euros per person. Internet access is expensive--50 cents for 6 minutes. There is also a bar available--Jag and jenever shots are 2 euros each.

The staff is really helpful and friendly, as seems to be typical of hostels. The rooms are clean and well-kept.

Breakfast is included, and it's a good breakfast: bread, meat, cheese, peanut butter, jam, margarine, chocolate flakes, raisin rolls, 2 cereals, milk, chocolate milk, 3 juices, water, and several hard breads/crackers. Sure beats the last hostel I stayed at, where breakfast was a glass of milk and a slightly stale croissant. It's nice, too, because the guy putting the meal together really seemed to take pride in what he was doing.

If everything is filled up in Amsterdam, this is a good bet--chances are, you'll find a room, and it's only a 10-minute train ride from Amsterdam. So, if you can get past the location inconvenience, you'll find a great place to stay.

I stayed here for one night. To get to this hostel from the train station, walk down Vredenbrug and Nobelstraat. Lucasbolwerk is on the left, and the hostel is right after the hair salon. There are no signs, so you´ll have to ring the bell.

This is a super relaxed type of place. There are a dozen computers with free Internet and a huge DVD library. There is a lounge, patio, and kitchen, where you can help yourself to all the food you want at any time of day. They even encourage you to take some with you.

It´s 16 euros for one night, and well worth it. There were 16 beds in my mixed dorm, and they were smashed pretty closely together. There was a toilet and shower in my room as well as one in the hall. Bring your own bedding, unless you want to pay 2.50 euros to rent theirs.

Unfortunately, I didn´t sleep all that well, because it was really, really loud outside. The hostel is near a lot of bars, so you hear the nightlife all night.

Be aware that there are no lockers or safes available, and no locks on the room doors.

Also, I hate to say this, but you should know. I did see two mice, one in the kitchen and one in the lounge. The food is mostly in the refrigerator or in glass containers, so it should be safe, but it did creep me out a little bit. I didn´t see any mice in my room, though. Still, what can you expect from an older building like that? The staff is friendly, the food good, the beds comfortable.

Before choosing this hotel, you have to ask yourself why you might be in Bodegraven. There's no typical reason to be in that town itself, so perhaps it's the middle of the summer and you couldn't find accommodations in Amsterdam or Rotterdam. Maybe you got off at the wrong stop and it's already really late. Or something. At any rate, here you are, in Bodegraven.

To get to the hotel, exit right out of the train station and turn right to cross the railroad tracks. Keep walking straight for a couple of kilometers, and the hotel will be on your left, right by the McDonald's. Parking is free.

The room seemed a little small, but all hotel rooms do when you first walk in - you just have to adjust to the fact that you're not in your living room anymore. The double room involved two single beds pushed together, so you can sleep in the crack if you want. There was a television, an Internet connection, a telephone, a large desk (excellent work space), two chairs, and a tiny table. The hotel information book was written in four languages - Dutch, English, German, and French.

You can have pets for a small charge - I believe €5. The bathroom was spacious and stunningly clean. There was a tub and a shower. There is a restaurant and bar available, as well as a little gift shop. The restaurant was full of breakfast buffet-goers in the morning.

I didn't pay for the place, so I'm not complaining, but it seems overpriced for what you get. Of course, all hotels seem that way to me. Again, why are you in Bodegraven? Oh, well. If you are, and can afford hotel (as opposed to hostel) prices, it's a fine place to stay.

Istana
Monday-Saturday 12 to 9:30pm
Sunday 4 to 10pm

A comfortable place with modern decor; includes a bar. The menu is fairly extensive, and single dishes usually cost less than 5 euros. I think everything is under 15. I had the set sate lunch menu for 4.75 euros, which included three sate skewers and my choice of noodles or rice. The sate was on par with other sate I have eaten; nothing special, but good.

I'd love to offer more of a review, but I only ate there once, so I'm not much help. It's definitely a place I'd like to visit again.

Pan & Koek
4:00-8:30 pm Monday-Friday
12:00-8:30 pm Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday

Den Dungen is a little spot of a town, with a few schools and a grocery store. As I understand it, it's considered as part of its neighbor, the larger Sint Michielsgestel (though we live in Den Dungen, our address is Sint Michielsgestel). The Pan & Koek is definitely a highlight of this little town.

The restaurant serves pancakes, a Dutch specialty. Keep in mind that pancakes in the Netherlands aren't like pancakes at home -- these are big, thin, and relatively tasteless, which makes them perfect for a variety of toppings. The menu is quite extensive. You can put sugar, fruit, chocolate, meat, cheese, and/or vegetables on your pancake. The prices are around 10,00 euros, give or take depending on the toppings, and you get plenty of food. I'm partial to the Chinese chicken -- very tasty. They also have salads and desserts.

The restaurant has indoor and outdoor seating, a bar, clean bathrooms, and a little toy area for kids to play. If you're having a birthday party, ask them about hosting or catering your event.

The staff is great -- I made the attempt to use the little Dutch I know, but when they said something I couldn't understand and I had to admit my partiality to English, they switched languages readily and happily.

I'm not sure why you might happen to be in Den Dungen, but if you are -- have dinner at the Pan & Koek.

I don't know the name of the restaurant for sure. I thought it was something else, but the words "Golden Tulip" were on everything, including the napkins and the server's name tag. Golden Tulip is the name of the hotel, so the restaurant should probably have a different name, but oh, well. The point is, you can't miss it -- it's on the market square in Den Bosch, right by the C&A.

We went on a Sunday night and it was almost empty. I've passed by it during the lunch hour, though, and it's often quite busy.

It's a hotel restaurant, so it's a bit fancy-esque, but you won't feel out of place in jeans.

The lunch menu items stay under 10 euros for the most part. I only glanced at those, however, as we were there for dinner.

I've been in the Netherlands a while, and there are enough food words in my Dutch vocabulary that I can generally decipher a menu and decide what to order. Here I could not. Fancier dishes mean fancier words, and I struggled to find words I recognized. Ordering was an adventure, even with my English-speaking Dutch friend along with me.

The dinner menu consists of three courses for about 23 euros. You can also order individually; if, for example, you only want the main dish, they are all individually priced, so you can do that as well.

For the appetizer, I ordered the soup. Quite good -- a clear soup with mushrooms and chicken. My date ordered the carpaccio, which he enjoyed but I declined to taste.

I'm not sure what my main course was, but it was delicious. It was a roast beef, I believe, with onions in a sauce, with some mushy stuff on the side that seemed to be potatoes but didn't really look like potatoes, and cabbage. It was displayed beautifully -- this is one of the nicer restaurants I've been to in a while, and I was quite impressed with the presentation of the food. It looked good, and it was good. I think it was the fourth item on the main course menu, and it had the word "rode" (red) in it. Try it.

The third course is my favorite -- dessert! My date ordered the waffle with cherries; I ordered the chocolate and vanilla parfait. When it was brought to me, I wasn't impressed -- it looked like ice cream or something. But it was excellent. Cold, like ice cream, but the texture and flavor was phenomenal. I highly recommend it.

It's definitely a little pricier than what I'm used to, but every now and again you have to do those sorts of things. The food was great and the atmosphere was lovely. It was so quiet, so we got to have a great conversation. The server was attentive and helpful, and she spoke to me in English at every opportunity.

Good food -- give it a try.

We were about to give up on our restaurant search and head home for a sandwich when the neon sign at La Chine beckoned me from across the square.

Neon signs above restaurants are typically a turn-off for me, but during my time in Europe I have learned that they mask many a good restaurant. Tacky signage doesn't mean bad food. And I was really hungry. And I love Chinese food. So we got a table.

Long menus are typical in Chinese restaurants, and this (in Dutch, English, and French for your deciphering pleasure) was no exception. It included all my favorites (broccoli beef, cashew chicken, and chicken with mushrooms) as well as lots of seafood and duck dishes. There were ten types of soup from which to choose. You could even order pork with a pancake. Welcome to the Netherlands.

My friend started with the egg drop soup, which she enjoyed. It was thicker, creamier than most egg drop soups I've had or seen. I ordered the cashew chicken and she had chicken chop suey. It was brought to us promptly (though it seems not as promptly as in most Chinese restaurants I've been to) and placed on a hot plate in the middle of the table.

It was an excellent meal, on par with some of my favorite Chinese restaurants. My friend liked hers, as well. The host/waiter lurked around (in a good way), ready to take our plates and catch our eye when we were ready for the ticket. If you're hungry for Chinese food, this is as good a bet as any, and it's conveniently located on the Markt. Enjoy!

La Chine
11:30am - 11:00pm
Closed Monday

Schijndel is a small town, but you wouldn't know it by the crowd at De Losbol on the weekends.

It's a cozy little place with two bars, clean bathrooms, and ridiculously loud music. Do yourself a favor and stand closer to the entrance rather than wandering back to the second bar or toward the bathrooms. I've heard maybe 4% of what people say to me when I'm in this place.

You can check your coat for 50 cents. Mixed drinks seem to run 3 to 5 euros; beer is, of course, less.

This is known as the "builder's bar"--many of the customers are carpenters. And they are loyal ones, at that--it's easy to get to know people because you run into the same crowd every week.

It's a great place if you find yourself in "rural" Holland aching for a party atmosphere. The bartenders are silly and fun and have been known to let people dance on the bar.

Gevangenpoort (Prison Gate Museum)
Tuesday-Friday 10:00am-5:00pm
Saturday-Sunday noon-5:00pm
Admission: €4 (€3 for children under 12)
Must be visited with a guided tour, which start every hour on the hour, and last for approximately one hour.

After paying for your ticket, you wait in the jail's old cellar for your tour to start. They have a time line of photographs and artifacts for you to look at while you wait. The captions are in Dutch and English.

The tour is in Dutch, but they hand out a booklet of information in your native language with which you can follow along. It's helpful and interesting, but you still feel like you're missing out on lots of information. Our guide was fantastic, and was always careful to point out in English where we were going next so I could follow along (though the booklet does go in order) and ask me if I had any questions.

The tour starts with a short video (English subtitled) about Cornelis de Witt, the prison's most famous prisoner. He was a government official who was held there for 2 weeks on charges of treason—which were later found to be false charges.

Though prison life was pretty rough for the average folks—dark, cramped cells, crappy food—de Witt didn't have it so bad. Rich prisoners were allowed to pay extra for private rooms (complete with a fire place and toilet) and good food.

They tortured de Witt for hours to extract a confession for his plan to kill Prince Willem III. He never confessed. He was then charged with perjury, and was banished from Holland.

He was in bad shape after the torture, so he asked his brother to come and get him from the jail. The citizens were furious and wanted de Witt to be punished for treason. They dragged him and his brother both from the prison and killed them.

After the video, you go through the rooms one by one—The Knight's Chamber (de Witt's "cell"), the women's chamber, the hostage room, the storage loft, the torture chamber, and the courtyard.

Interesting and inexpensive, this museum is an excellent place to visit.

Take note: the wood floors and stairs are VERY slippery. If you're wearing smooth-soled shoes, be very careful.

Mauritshuis
Tuesday-Saturday 10am-5pm
Sunday 11am-5pm pm
Monday 10am-5pm from April-September
Admission: €9.50, includes audio tour

This is a fairly small museum. It's also easy to navigate—no danger of having to back track or forgetting a room. Currently they're hosting the special exhibition "Dream of Italy" which includes paintings by the artists, mainly Dutch and French, who thought Italy was the best place in the world, and they painted it as such. It's okay, if you like landscapes.

The Rembrandts and Vermeers are the highlights. "Girl with a pearl earring" is housed here. The museum wasn't very busy, despite being a Friday in June, which makes me think that The Hague, while still touristy, is just enough off the beaten path that it avoids the crowds that plague Amsterdam. It was great, because you can spend a lot of time at each painting and you have room to move around it without feeling like you're always in someone's way.

Go for the girl with the pearl earring, stay to enjoy the other Vermeers and the Rembrandts.

Middelburg is at the far of the world -- well, the Netherlands, anyway. It's in the region of Zeeland in the southwest part of the country. There many small towns and beaches nearby, all accessible by a short bike ride.

To get to Middelburg, your train will likely have to connect through Roosendaal. From 's-Hertogenbosch, the entire one-way trip took about two hours.

I headed to Middelburg because I've been told it's very unlike the rest of the Netherlands -- it's more traditional, it's definitely not another Amsterdam. In fact, the locals are even the type to wear the traditional Dutch clothing.

I went on Thursday, market day. The market was insanely busy -- people everywhere. The focus was definitely on fresh fruit, and I found some of the best deals on produce that I have seen yet.

Unfortunately, I didn't see anyone in traditional dress! I only spent a day in Middelburg, and didn't stray far from the center, but I was still disappointed.

The Zeeland museum was closed due to construction, so I wound up with not much to do. I shopped -- of course, the stores are the same as they are everywhere.

If you plan on going to the beach, I'm told that Middelburg is an excellent place from which to jump start your sea adventure. The nearby beaches and camping spots come highly recommended by my Dutch friends.

Train tickets to Middelburg are on the pricier end of the scale (my ticket from 's-Hertogenbosch was nearly 20 euros), so make sure you have plenty you want to do there to make the trip worthwhile.

The Netherlands is small and easily traversed by train. The trains are clean and the stations well marked. The rail connects many cities; the longest trip you could take within the country is probably four or four and a half hours. Most trips will be between 15 minutes and two hours.

Make sure you buy a ticket before you board. It is not possible to buy tickets on board, and although tickets are not always checked, you get heavily fined if you're caught without one.

You can make your purchase from the ticket agent, but you will be charged a small fee -- I think it is 50 euro cents for domestic trips. Don't let the machines scare you. They're fast and easy.

There are some machines that let you choose an English version, which makes purchasing really simple. (Make note that your foreign credit cards will not work in the machines -- you'll want to have change on hand.) If you want to test your Dutch language skills, go to the other machine and remember the following.

First, find your destination on the list. Enter the number code and make sure the location that pops up is the one you want.

Choose:

2e klas (2nd class)
1e klas (1st class)

vol tarief (full price)
korting (discount -- this only applies if you have purchased a discount card or are traveling with someone who has one, which must be presented at ticket inspection)

vandaag geldig (same day)
zonder datum (another day)

enkele reis (one way)
dagretour (same-day return)
5-retourkaart (return within five days, I think)
weekend-retour (leave Friday after 7:00 pm, return by Monday 4:00 am)

Don't lose that ticket! Sometimes it gets checked more than once.

If you are going a long distance or leaving from a smaller station, you might have to change trains somewhere. If you don't see your destination listed on the departure board, check with a ticket agent to find out where to go, or look online at www.ns.nl.

If you plan to stay in the Netherlands for a while, a discount card is a worthwhile investment. For approximately 50 euros, you get 40% off domestic travel which starts after 9:00 am for one year. This adds up very quickly. You can also buy a card that gives 40% off domestic travel and 25% off travel to Germany and Belgium.

Ticket in hand, check the vertrek (departure) board. Look at the ultimate destination, but also check the other stations the train will be stopping at. Get on an Intercity train -- they're faster. The Stop Train (stoptrein) makes long stops.

Go to the spoor (platform) listed no the departure board. The boards on the platform will list the departure time, destination, and all the stations at which the train will stop on the way.

Don't go too early -- seating on the platforms is limited!

Happy travels.

We headed to the Highlander promptly at 10pm to take advantage of happy hour (10 to 11pm every night), when you can get a Heineken for €1. Even so, be sure to specify the tap - my friend, a Highlander regular, ordered a Heineken and was given the €2 bottle.

It is my first visit to Maastricht, and therefore my first to the Highlander, and I had a great time. There weren't a lot of people at the bar, but I'm told it is usually busier than that, especially on a Thursday night. It was a happy, mellow crowd of more men than women.

The bar is downstairs, staffed by friendly, English-speaking bartenders. There is a big screen TV, which was showing Jackass, the movie, and a couple of smaller televisions showing other programs.

We snacked on free peanuts and threw the shells on the floor. None of the people I was with could remember ever having free peanuts before, so we hypothesized that the peanuts were because of the game that day, which was on in the bar before we got there. There's an upstairs. We visited, and it was empty save for three guys playing pool. There's not much to do up there, if you're not playing pool - it's just a nice, quieter place to talk to your friends.

Downstairs, the music plays loudly, lots of older stuff to which you can't help but want to shake it. The Macarena and Brown-Eyed Girl were among our favorites that evening. Aside from the poorly designed bathrooms (you're bound to get trapped behind a door at some point if there's more than one person in there), the Highlander is a fun place to be. When I'm in Maastricht again, you'll be able to find me there.

I loved this museum. Usually I hesitate a little when it comes to contemporary art, and I won't say I didn't have my "What the hell...?" moments in there, but overall I was intrigued and entertained.

I went with a friend, which is the first time I've viewed contemporary art with anybody, and I must recommend it. It's a lot of fun to bounce ideas off each other, and sometimes just to laugh together at whatever it is you're looking at.

My favorite exhibit by far was the eight short films by Pawel Althamer. They are experiments of sorts; in each film (except for the one about his daughter) he is under the influence of something - peyote, hash, LSD, hypnosis. I was especially fascinated by the two in which he underwent hypnosis. In the first, he was taken to a past life in which he was a little boy in Warsaw in 1945. I ended up watching four of the eight films, but could have easily watched all eight, if my friend hadn't gotten restless and it wasn't almost closing time, anyway.

Another exhibit was by Bethan Huws, the winner of the Biennial Award for Contemporary Art. The exhibit included many watercolors - all quite simple, each focusing just on one thing (hands, flowers, circles, for example). There were also many "word-vitrines" - words and phrases on those black boards, the ones with the white letters you see at concession stands, high schools, or occasionally the theatre. Some were poignant, some silly, some seemingly pointless (I didn't get much out of the set on which one was written "Ladies" and the other "Gentlemen"), but my favorite by far was the one that said, "What's the point of giving you any more artworks when you don't understand the ones you've got?" I had to laugh at myself for making the internal comments on the "Ladies" and "Gentlemen" pieces.

Perhaps the best piece in the entire museum was hiding in the corner. You enter this large room, and it's totally empty, except for the watercolors on the wall. Many, many watercolors. But there are no works on the floor at all, not even any chairs for the museum-goers.

In the corner of this room there are three walnuts. Ceramic walnuts the size of grapefruits. There is no little placard that reveals their title. They're just there, three ceramic walnuts, almost like someone had set them down and forgotten to pick them up again. My friend saw them first. We couldn't stop laughing. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's brilliant art by the brilliant Bethan Huws (I did enjoy her exhibit immensely), but I just couldn't help it. Three walnuts. I was inspired to display my own collection of three pineapples. I'm hoping to finish my three peanut work by spring.

The museum also includes older paintings - including some by Rubens! I was in heaven. If you're in Maastricht, don't miss this museum!

Bonnefantenmuseum
Tuesday-Sunday 11am - 5pm
Adults: €7

I attended my first soccer match! Finally, an opportunity to see first hand this sport that Europeans are wildly excited about, this sport that Americans largely ignore.

My Dutch friend and I took the short drive to Eindhoven to see the favorites, PSV, play Rotterdam's Excelsior in Philips Stadium.

The stadium wasn't completely full, but it was far from empty. The enthusiastic crowd was made up of (not surprisingly) mostly men. The night was cold and rainy, but I felt warm the entire time. The stadium is heated, but I think all the people is what really kept it warm.

Our seats were up high, but they were great. I had no problems seeing the field. PSV was expected to win, and they did - 4-0. PSV is consistently one of the best teams in the country. They have more money than a lot of the other clubs and can therefore hire better players. Excelsior played defensively. They knew they probably couldn't win, so they just tried to keep PSV from scoring too many goals. Clearly, they weren't all that successful.

Tickets range from €19 to €44, but I'm told they are hard to come by as many fans have season tickets. I was lucky in that my Dutch friend and his father have season tickets - and I got to use his father's. For information or to get tickets, you can email ticketoffice@psv.nl or fill out a reservation form online.

For a really good game, I'm told that you should watch PSV play Ajax. You have an opportunity on March 18, 2007.

Het Kasteel van Sinterklaas
Helmond
Admission: €1,50

Open in the afternoons (also mornings on the weekends) between now and December 5 (Sinterklaas holiday). Times vary by day. Check online www.hetkasteelvansinterklaas.nl

We gathered five excited children and journeyed to Helmond to visit Sinterklaas in his castle, where he has taken up residence for the next couple of weeks.

Who is Sinterklaas? Read up in the "Sinterklaas! Sinterklaas! en natuurlijk Zwarte Piet!" entry. For now, just know he's an important figure in an important Dutch holiday, and we were going to meet him.

We had to wait in line at the castle for about an hour, but we were continually entertained by the Zwarte Pieten, each of whom had his own special skill--there was Music Piet, Stunt Piet, and Climbing Piet. We watched them juggle, jump rope, ride bikes, and talk with the kids.

We got in the castle and were led by a Zwarte Piet to the Piets' bedroom. We woke up one Piet! He was the housemaster, and he showed us all the keys he was in charge of. He also chastised a couple of Piets who were playing games instead of working.

We visited the kitchen, were three hard-working Piets were busy making pepernoten (bite-sized ginger cookies). We saw the Piets' classroom, where Professor Piet was teaching a class of unruly Piets, one of whom was so naughty he had to be sent out in the hall. We visited the toy shop, where the Piets were busy wrapping toys for all the goods boys and girls.

Then, the big moment: we met Sinterklaas himself! He talked with the kids, gathered their wish-lists, and gave them each a little bag of pepernoten.

If you're in the Netherlands during this special holiday, you'd be crazy to miss out on any of the festivities. Go visit Sinterklaas and the Piets at the castle in Helmond, and be on the lookout for parades and the official arrival of Sinterklaas to your town.

This museum is huge, but fairly easy to navigate. I kept going through surprise door after surprise door, and I think I managed to see it all without having to do a lot of backtracking, which is nice.

There are several major - impressive - exhibitions. The first I took in was that by Erik van Lieshout, an artist from Rotterdam. The exhibit includes paintings and drawings, but also videos. One video was shown in a large hall on a big screen, like a drive-up theater - and there were several cars in the room, parked in front of the screen. Other videos were shown in small rooms with garage doors you had to duck under. Fascinating works.

Another was by Willem Kalf, whom I learned was one of the most important still life painters. His works include "luxury" still life - paintings that include expensive and exotic objects.

Voici Magritte was an especially impressive exhibit - definitely worth the €5. The large collection of his surrealist works include his drawings, paintings, collages, and gouaches. Some were incredibly thought-provoking for me - such as the one (I forget the title) where we see a man looking into a mirror - and his reflection is the back of his head (what we already see) instead of his face, as it should be.

There are paintings by Rembrandt and Rubens, as well, which, if you've read my other art gallery reviews, you know I love very much. There's a whole exhibit on New Testament printmaking, much of which was done by Rembrandt. There is also an impressive collection of work by Dali. Intensely fascinating, even though I wouldn't especially want one hanging in my living room. (I'd make an exception for an original, though.)

If you're in Rotterdam, it would be a mistake to miss this museum.

Museum Boijmans van Beuningen
Tuesday through Sunday from 11am to 5pm
Admission: €13

Wednesdays are free and museumjaarkaart holders get in free - except now until December 3 during the Voici Magritte Exhibition. So, it costs €5, even on Wednesdays.

Three of my Dutch friends and I stopped by Kandinsky around 1am on a Saturday night after seeing the latest Bond flick, Casino Royale.

This place has over 200 beers from which to choose. As I am not so much a beer person, I didn't know where to start my consideration of what to order. Luckily, my beer-loving Dutch buddies (knowing I'm partial to sweet things) jumped in and recommended a red cherry-flavored beer that was absolutely delicious. Amazing. Perfect. More like wine than beer, really, and even served in a wine-like glass. It still had a beer taste to it, but the cherry-ness of it was like a soft drink. If I had known beer could be like that, I'm sure I'd have been drinking a lot more of it.

They told me what it's called but I'm not sure about how it's spelled, so I can't tell you much more than that. I'm fairly certain it starts with a 'K'. Just talk about the red cherry flavored beer, maybe mumble a word that sounds like "crike" and you should get what you're looking for.

Prices range from 2,50 euros to almost 9,00 euros for a glass. Of course, the glasses vary in size somewhat, so that makes a bit of a difference. The menu lists all the beers and their alcohol content. One of my companions told me that one night they stopped by Kandinsky and started with the lowest content and tried to work their way up. They didn't make much of a dent in the menu, though. You can also order wine, whiskey, and other drinks, as well as coffee, tea, cappuccino, and juice.

The atmosphere was casual and cozy, the sort of place where you go to sit and chat with your friends. The barstaff greeted us when we walked in and promptly arrived at our table to take our order. There weren't very many people there, considering it was Saturday night, but I imagine it gets a lot busier with so many good beers available. The people there represented several age ranges.

I absolutely adore this place and can't wait to go back. If you're in Tilburg and love beer, you'd be silly to miss this place and it's many drinkable options.

Hoge Veluwe is one of the only places in the Netherlands where you can actually see nature! Everywhere else, as you must know if you've visited the country, is composed of houses and people and highways and very little of what you might call "nature."

My Dutch friend Ruud and I visited the park on a Saturday in December. Luckily, it was a very nice day, but I still wish I had brought a scarf and definitely some gloves! We didn't make it back to the car until nearly dark, and my hands were so cold they weren't functioning properly. So, if you go during a winter month, bring 'em along, no matter how nice the day might seem when you start out.

The best part about the park (and the reason my hands nearly froze) is the white bicycles! You can use them free of charge to bike along the 10-or 26-km trails through the park. We picked our bikes up at the entrance and started peddling, admiring the trees and the grass and the strange tree trunks in the sand and the absolute peace.

If you come during the summer and are worried about the availability of the white bicycles, you can reserve a blue bicycle for a small fee. White bicycles cannot be reserved.

We saw a few other people, but not many. It was nice to visit during a not-so-busy time of year.

I had been wanting to visit the park ever since I had heard it is home to a small herd of wild boars! I was definitely on a boar hunt, but alas, no luck. In fact, we didn't see any wildlife except for a few birds. Very disappointing, but not that surprising -- the park is fairly large, by Netherlands standards, and the collection of boars and deer is small.

In the park you will also find the Kroller Muller Museum. It has a fine collection of works, and costs another 6 euros for adults.

If you have a day to spare, visit the park. Pack a picnic and a camera, and go!

De Hoge Veluwe National Park
Winter hours: 9am-6pm (hours vary by month and season)
Admission: 6 euros (horses 3 euros)

Be aware -- prices will increase slightly in 2007.

Better than EuroDisney, they say. Okay, I say. I'm in.

It wasn't terribly difficult to talk me into visiting De Efteling, a popular amusement park near Tilburg. In the winter, it's only open for a few weeks - De Winter Efteling - and some of the rides aren't available, but it's still definitely worth visiting. As far as December goes, it was a nice day, but I was still wishing I had gloves. We stopped for lunch, and I received free earmuffs with my soup purchase. There were lots of meal options, from bratwursts to waffles. We had a waffle later, as well. Mmmm, waffles.

The park was decorated with lights and artificial snow. A well-dressed quartet was singing Christmas carols. There was a giant snow globe in which you could go and take your picture. There were lots of nice slow rides that take you through different scenes. One ride whisked us through a rain forest full of fairies and goblin-like creatures. Another journeyed us around the world as we absorbed scenes of daily and stereotypical life from France, Japan, China, the Netherlands, Italy, Germany, Mexico, and Hawaii.

The big roller coasters weren't running - I guess it's too dangerous to do so in the winter - but a couple of the smaller ones were, so we hopped on. They were fine, but I missed the thrill of the loops and big drops. If you're prone to motion sickness (as, I admit, I definitely am) you'll want to avoid the roller coaster that carries you totally in the dark.

You can visit the Efteling museum, which is a couple of small rooms filled with drawings, models, and heads. Doll heads. Ugly doll heads. It was creepy. They had a skating rink! I wanted to skate, but Ruud refused, so we just walked through. There was an extra charge for skates - I think 3 euros.

We wandered through fairy tale land, which once composed the entire park! We saw scenes from Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty. My favorite stop by far was our last - a 3D movie about wildlife and its endangerment. A 3D movie! I didn't know they even made those anymore. It was a total delight, even though I couldn't help but be restless when the snake was right in my face, and I had to remind myself not to flinch as the monkeys batted oranges at our heads. (I still had to laugh when the man in front of me ducked. Twice.)

We ended our day with a cup of hot chocolate and a search through the parking lot to find our car. De Winter Efteling will be open from December 23 to January 7 (except January 1) and for each of the three weekends following. Don't forget that it's also open all summer, though you probably won't find a skating rink at that time. Enjoy those roller coasters!

Admission: 26 euros
Parking: 7 euros

Every year, the festivities of Carnaval take the southern part of the Netherlands by storm. Shops close, the kids get a week-long school vacation, and otherwise perfectly sane adults don ridiculous costumes and dance in the streets.

The towns all change their names -- Den Dungen, where I live, became Krapperdonk. Costumes are on sale and there is a definite air of excitement.

Saturday is the start of the four-day extravaganza. I went to Tilburg with Ruud and his friends. Tilburg is the 6th largest city in the Netherlands, and there were people everywhere! I saw some fantastic costumes -- a giraffe, the Statue of Liberty, and skiers (complete with sunburned faces). Some people really make an effort with their getups--you can tell they have been thinking about it for weeks before Carnaval begins.

Ruud and his fraternity friends were all dressed in their powder blue suits. I had my paint clothes on (I was not someone who thought about her costume for weeks ahead of time). It was a pleasant evening, temperature-wise, so I ventured out without a coat.

We went from bar to bar, each as packed as the last, people dancing to these Carnaval songs (which Dutch people delight in translating, because the lyrics are so ridiculous). We went home at 3:30, but most other people showed no sign of slowing down.

On Sunday we got back in our costumes and went to the parade. It started at 1pm, but it didn't show up to where we were standing until almost 3pm. It lasted until 5pm.

It's a bit different from the typical parade in America. The streets are blocked off, of course, but between the floats the partiers can get in the street and dance. There was a DJ just across the street from us, and he blared the Carnaval music to a delighted crowd. Even though we were outside, I still had to yell to be heard in a conversation, and my clothes still ended up smelling like smoke by the time we went home. Even after the parade was over, a happy drunken crowd continued to party in the streets.

My Dutch friends asked if we have such a celebration at home, and attempted in one instance to compare it to Halloween. I explained our Halloween isn't quite so festive, and that some parts of the country, especially New Orleans, celebrate Mardi Gras. I also explained the subtle differences between them, namely that Mardi Gras involves a lot more naked women.

They explained to me that sex just isn't the thing about Carnaval. Indeed, when you look around, the women aren't dressed to impress, in most cases. They're just dressed silly. They say that sometimes misguided Northerners journey south to celebrate--just to find drunk girls and easy sex. So the element is there, but it's certainly not the focus.

The Netherlands is one of the few places where Carnaval is celebrated so enthusiastically. Hope you can be here!

The Dutch have certain dining habits you might want to be aware of. They are probably similar to elsewhere in Europe, so if you're from the continent you might not notice any difference or have any trouble, but if you're from the United States, you're likely to do something wrong.

1. Knife in the right hand, fork in the left. Even though it's usually not necessary, use the knife to push food onto your fork. Cutting food with your knife in your right hand and then putting your fork in your right hand to eat is thought of as "switch eating" and will be laughed at. Keeping your silverware in your hands at all times also accomplishes the following:

2. Keep your hands above the table. If you really aren't coordinated enough to use your left hand to get the food to your mouth, at least keep your left wrist—wrist, not elbow—on the table. Placing your other hand on your lap, as we are taught to do in the States, is considered pretty rude.

3. And about that fork, use it. Only kids get away with using their hands to eat, and only sometimes. Even french fries are eaten with a fork.

4. Chew your food completely before you even think of picking up your glass to drink. Just do it.

5. There probably won't be any napkins if you're eating at some one's home. If you're at a restaurant, you will have one napkin. I still don't understand this.

6. If you're at a restaurant, you'll need to ask for the check, or you'll be sitting there all night. This I love, because it's no fun to feel rushed in a restaurant.

7. Even nice restaurants tend to be family-oriented and will likely include a little play area for children. Don't be surprised to see kids running amuck. No one seems to really care, and even the waitresses only get mildly irritated when the little tykes are underfoot.

8. When you're done eating, place your knife and fork on your plate facing the same direction. This is the "I'm done" signal. If you're out of food but want more food, place them facing opposite directions. This is the "I'm still hungry" signal.

9. Eet smakelijk. Literally, this means "eat delicious" or something like that, but you use it the same way you use "Bon appetit!"

For the most part, Dutch food is hearty fare that isn't really that noteworthy. (For example: at home, the phrase, "Let's order Dutch tonight" is rarely heard.) The potato is a staple. Still and all, when you're in the Netherlands, it would be a shame to leave without eating:

1. Pancakes. Pancakes everywhere. These are big, thin, and actually sort of bland--nothing like the pancakes we eat in the United States. But, their blandness makes them perfect for accompaniment by just about anything--the cooks fill 'em up and fold 'em over. At pancake restaurants, you can order "pannenkoeken" with sugar, fruit, cheese, vegetables, or meat--the menus tend to be pretty extensive. I recently had a Chinese chicken pancake, and it was delicious.

2. Poffertjes: mini-pancakes. The US equivalent would be silver dollar pancakes, I guess. These tend to be served just with sweet toppings.

3. Stamppot. I mentioned the potato, right? Well, various stamppots include potatoes along with different vegetables. Basically a casserole.

4. Meat and cheese. Traditionally, lunch and breakfast are the same: meat, cheese, bread. A surprising number of families still eat this way.

5. Gouda. It's the "cheese" of "meat and cheese."

6. Frites. Europe loves its French fries, and the Netherlands is no exception. The most basic frites stands serve the fries with mayonnaise--it's the most popular of the sauces. At your higher-end French fry restaurants, you might have more than a dozen sauces to choose from. Even at home, when French fries are served, we generally have three or four different sauce options.

7. Frikandel. Okay, don't eat this. It's sort of like a hot dog, but even weirder, if you can imagine.

8. Bitterballen. Hugely popular, especially among kids. It's a fried ball of a sauce of some sort, peanut-y in taste, and absolutely delicious. I'm content to not really know what it is. Most people like to put mustard on them. I don't like mustard.

9. Sate. This is an Indian dish, I believe, but you'll find it here in restaurants and fast food joints alike. It's usually chicken (though could be beef or pork) on a skewer in a peanut sauce. Excellent. My choice anytime we do fast food.

10. Kroket. Deep fried meat something. It's pretty good, but go with the sate or the bitterballen if you have a choice.

11. Hagelslag. We might recognize these as "sprinkles" to put on ice cream, but the Dutch go crazy for putting it on their bread. There are dozens of varieties, many being chocolate or vanilla. They come in the "sprinkle" form and as flakes.

12. Chocolate spreads, especially hazelnut/chocolate. Again, for the bread. Nutella is a popular brand.

13. Stroopwafel. One of my very favorites -- a waffle-like cookies with caramel in between. Like my friend said, it tastes like a Werther's Original in cookie form.

Eet smakelijk!

Even though I've been in the Netherlands for nearly 10 months, I had not, until last week, ever dated a Dutch boy. There are numerous reasons for this, but one of the major ones is that every guy my age seems to be taken. No kidding. I spoke with my Dutch friends about this, and they explained Dutch couplehood to me.

Since the Netherlands is small, people don't move so far away from each other--there's just not that far to go. Therefore, people who meet in high school don't have that, "He's going to college in another state, so we decided to break up" problem. They just stay together. By the time they're my age, they're building houses together and contemplating marriage. (There is far less rush to marry than there is in the States.) Of the 50 or so people in the group of friends I hang out with, a good 80% are coupled. And hanging out in a group of 50 is not a good way to meet potentially single people from outside that group.

Then I met the man who would become the one to take me on my first Dutch date. We were at a function and didn't get much opportunity to talk. I left the event determined to track down his number. I made some requests on Saturday and was still waiting by Monday. I was sweating it out the whole time. You know, the usual--wondering if he was thinking of me, wondering if calling him up was an appropriate Dutch thing to do. I thought, maybe he's just shy, when...

...on Monday, just as I was about to undertake a different means of getting his number, I received an envelope in the mail. Inside was a business card from my little crush; he had written a note on the back inviting me to call for a longer talk or if I need a Netherlands tour guide.

Accustomed to the typical American game-playing, I contemplated waiting to call. But I hate those games, so I called the next day. I expected chitchat, I expected to be the one to have to bring up the subject of a possible date, but no. Within seconds, he suggested seeing each other again. He didn't even wait for an uncomfortable silence. Not so shy after all. I should have known. He's Dutch.

We made plans for that Friday. I offered to take the train to his town, but he insisted on picking me up, which he did. He called 5 minutes before he was supposed to arrive to let me know he was stuck in traffic (typical in the Netherlands) and would be late.

We went to dinner at a bar/restaurant in Tilburg. He asked where I wanted to go, but I insisted that he make the choice--I had never been to Tilburg, so what did I know? He took the time to translate the entire menu for me, even though by now I'm doing pretty well with Dutch menus. He ordered for me instead of making me butcher the words or point to the text.

We sat and talked for a couple of hours there in true European fashion--no rush to get out of the restaurant. When we decided to go, we went to another bar for another drink. Great conversation all the while.

And he paid! I offered to pick up the tab, but he insisted on getting it. No "going Dutch" here.

We were in no hurry to leave, but it was getting late. I expected either an attempt to get me naked or for him to leave me wondering if I'd ever see him again, but again I was surprised. Again, he was straightforward and game-avoiding. He was a perfect gentleman, giving me a kiss and asking me to dinner again on Sunday.

And I said yes.

Before I moved to the Netherlands, I thought Sinterklaas was little more than simply the Dutch Santa Claus. Silly me.

In the middle of November, Sinterklaas and his helpers, the Zwarte Pieten (translation: Black Piets) hopped on a boat in Spain (where he lives all year, apparently) and sailed to Holland. This event was televised. LIVE.

But the journey was not without its troubles. First Sinterklaas landed in the wrong port. Then one of the Zwarte Piets lost his book that contains the names of all the Dutch children. I was watching this event with some Dutch children, and one of them started crying. It was intense.

He got off the boat, greeted the many people waiting to meet him, and got on his horse and rode to his Dutch residence. (Apparently, this residence is in several places all across the Netherlands, and you can visit him in these places. We visited him in Helmond. See entry "Het Kasteel van Sinterklaas")

Every day now we get television updates (the Sinterklaas journal) that last about 20 minutes, telling us what is happening with the big man, his helpers, and his missing book.

Between his arrival and December 5, which is the actual Sinterklaas holiday, he will be visiting all the towns in the Netherlands to speak with the kids and even give them presents! (SPOILER ALERT: The way this works is... before his arrival in town, the parents buy gifts for their kids--here there's a €7 limit--and deliver them to Sinterklaas, who then gives them to the children.)

On December 5, Sinterklaas comes down the chimney and leaves presents in the kids' shoes. The kids leave carrots in their shoes for Sinterklaas' horse. In some households, Sinterklaas also leaves presents in shoes during the two weeks leading up to the holiday.

It's not December 5 yet, but I'm told it's not only fun for the kids. After the kids are asleep and eagerly awaiting morning, the adults bring out the wrapped gifts they have purchased, hand them out randomly, and we spend about 30 minutes rolling a dice--each number means something different: a one might mean you have to take a present from someone, a four might mean you have to give all your gifts away. When the 30 minutes is up, you open whatever is in front of you--it might be one package, it might be ten! When my host told me about this, I thought it was maybe just something that this particular family does--but actually, it's a traditional game played by many families throughout the Netherlands!

On December 6, the kids wake up and find presents in their shoes. There is no school on December 6, so they can spend all day playing with their new toys.

I already love the Sinterklaas holiday, mostly because of the nationwide commitment to the idea. I mean, they don't just film his arrival on a set and show it on TV--they have him actually arrive at the port in Zeeland, and an actual crowd of Dutch people are there to greet him. The castle in Helmond is totally transformed to accomodate Sinterklaas and the Zwarte Pieten. When he arrives in the town, he has gifts for the kids--despite the hassle every parent must go through to buy the €7 present and get it to the location before Sinterklaas arrives. The Dutch people go to great lengths to protect the secret for their children.

I hope you have the good fortune of being in the Netherlands during this uniquely Dutch holiday.

My Dutch friend belongs to a fraternity-like organization. Every five years they have a ball (much like the fraternity formals we're all familiar with in the United States). This was the year, and he invited me to go along with him.

I sweated about the dress for three weeks, because I was under the impression it was supposed to be a super-formal, prom-like dress--but I didn't want to spend that much money on one. Finally, two days before the gala, I decided on a simple black cocktail dress, which my friend said would be perfect, though I had my doubts.

I dolled myself up and we walked to where the bus would be picking us up to take us and the other 200 event-goers to the caves near Maastricht, where the event was to be held. I took stock of the women around me. Sure enough, most were in prom-like formal dresses, but there were some in dresses like mine. I didn't feel out of place at all.

We arrived around 7:30pm, but the caterers weren't ready for us. Instead, we were served champagne and everyone stood around talking. The Dutch are generally so friendly, so I had no trouble meeting and chatting with lots of the people there.

Dinner was finally ready and served buffet-style. There were lots of appetizer-like snacks as well as ham, roast beef, potatoes, and lots of bread. Very good. After dinner, the tables were cleared and a band (I'm told it's the best cover band in the country) took the stage. There wasn't a lot of room for dancing, but people made do. The band played mostly Dutch covers, as well as some Billy Joel.

I ended up talking to two guys who had each spent a year in the states--one in New York, one in Minnesota. It was amazing how good their English was! In the Netherlands, most people speak English so it's not unusual to hear quite fluent English from a Dutch person, but with these two, I wouldn't have been able to tell that English was their second language. Just goes to show--if you want to learn a language, you should really spend a lot of time with the people who speak it.

Everyone who spoke to me was surprised to discover I'm not Dutch (after all, why wouldn't I be?), and they all had questions about why I was here and how I liked it.

My favorite question (and it came from 90% of the people I talked to) was, "Do you have balls like this in the States? (pause, in which I'd begin to tell them about fraternity formals back home) Oh, wait, you have prom!" And then they'd ask me about prom--"Is it like in the movies? People spiking the punch and having sex in the bathroom?"

After dinner, a woman at my table wanted to write something down and asked if anyone had a pen. No one did--except for me! I pulled it out of my purse and she said, "Americans always have pens!" Hmm. Is that true?

Another guy at my table had just run the NYC marathon a couple of weeks ago! He only got to spend a few days in New York (and I've never been there myself), but it was interesting to hear him talk about his impressions of the city, especially compared to the ideas he had formed thanks to movies and media.

Despite this being an incredibly formal event (lots of protocol involved, like women are supposed to have their hair up instead of loose), there was a very laid-back atmosphere to it. That's why I didn't feel the slightest bit out of place in my not-quite-formal-enough dress.

It was typical Dutch: they take a comfortable atmosphere with them wherever they go. Gezellig, is what they would call it. It's a word so uniquely Dutch that we don't even have a translation for it, but basically it means comfortable, happy, relaxed--everything true about that party and about the Dutch.

In the United States, it’s pretty easy to keep your birthday under wraps. Indeed, sometimes your own friends forget and you can quietly celebrate, if that’s what you prefer. In the Netherlands, there’s so such thing as an unnoticed birthday.

I had the pleasure of turning 24 here in Holland. The details of my birthday are not an accurate depiction of how a typical birthday is celebrated. I was working all day, and I had a social function to attend that night that actually had nothing to do with my birthday at all. However, I did receive a wake-up visit at 7:30 that morning from three excited little kids who brought me gifts and sang to me in two languages.

As it is that I have been here for almost a year, I have gotten in on my share of birthdays. A Dutch birthday is quite an event. Forgetting someone’s birthday is a severe faux pas, if not a sin. Children’s birthdays are celebrated with the most vigor. That morning at school, all the parents of all the kids in the child’s class hang out for 10 minutes or so after the bell rings in order to sing to the birthday kid, who gets to wear a funny hat and sit in the middle of a circle. On this, the actual birthday, there is a party at home for all family and friends. This is more for the adults than for the kids, it seems. Maybe a few children come over, but on this day there are no games or other fun kid things. There will be a few presents and maybe a cake, though there will also be several other (usually less sweet) desserts that the adults enjoy. The adults chat and drink long after the kiddies have gone to bed.

The following weekend is the child’s "kid party." This is when a handful of the birthday boy or girl’s closest friends come over, usually for an entire afternoon. These parties are often themed. When Pete turned five, we had a knight party that involved me (in my first week of work, no less) donning a cape and defending the castle from the attack of 10 little Dutch-speakers. There was cake, games and plenty of French fries. When Carl turned six a week later, we had a firefighter’s party which included a visit to the local fire station.

Adults only get one party, but it is no less exciting. The strangest thing for a foreigner to understand is that the person who has the birthday is the person who throws the party. He holds it at his house, purchases all the food and drinks (and these people like their wine and beer) and serves as host, running from guest to guest, pouring drinks and serving food. These parties often start in the middle of the afternoon and run late into the night.

When you walk down the street, you can tell who is having a birthday – because people decorate the outside of their homes in celebration. Sometimes it’s as simple as a hartelijk gefeliciteerd sign – but sometimes it’s quite elaborate, as when one house on our street erected three realistically detailed mannequins, one of which was riding a horse.

Popular in the Netherlands is the verjaardag kalender – a birthday calendar that you can use year after year. Each month is listed with all the dates, and there is a line after each date on which you can write the name of the person celebrating a birthday on that day. The verjaardag kalender in our home has listings on, I would guess, nearly three quarters of the days in the year. There’s no excuse for forgetting a birthday. If the person is a good friend or close relative, every effort is made to attend the party. If it’s impossible to attend, and you can’t even manage to send a representative, you surely send at least a card, if not a gift.

The Dutch are social people, so perhaps birthdays are just a good excuse to get together with people you care about. I also suspect, though, that they truly want to honor the person on his or her birthday, and show appreciation for the fact that this person is a part of their lives.