Country Ho-Downing with Lesbian Comic Vickie Shaw

Vickie Shaw is one of my favorite lesbian comics. Ms. Shaw has been doing both the gay and straight venues for a considerable time. Some of these venues include Olivia Travel Cruises and Club Med resorts, Spellbinder’s, and the The Laff Stop in Houston, Comedy Underground, in Seattle, etc.

When I heard Ms. Shaw was going to have a country ho-down celebration for her birthday and was going to perform, I told my partner we had to saddle up and go. Consequently, my partner and I mosey on down to Vickie’s Birthday Bash and BBQ. It was a slap happy time! Vickie and her entertainment friends put on quite a shin dig. She hosted the evening with her fabulous twisted self and passed the torch of comedy and entertainment to her celebrity friends.

The gracious Lori Patch (playfully known to her partner as Sgt. Patch in Ms. Shaw’s comedy show, but who is actually an officer with Winnebago County) swung open the doors to the lodge hall at 5:00pm. She then greeted the guests that purchased tickets to her partner’s 50th Birthday Bash and BBQ. Soon after the seating of guests, there was a rock group called Moondogs who played from 6 to 8:00pm. Also during this evening, there was a BBQ buffet, tap beer and soda served free with your ticket price of . Then there was a comedy and music show available too.

The comedy and music show started with Ms. Shaw opening the show; and then later her entertainer friends ( Lisa Koch, Roxanna Ward and Suede) did their individual comedy acts or music, comedy scripts with her and roasted her.

What a delight this evening was. Over 600 lesbians attended this celebration. And this Sapphic energy was apparent when us lesbians were dancing our heart away to Moondogs' music, chuckling at the demented humor provided by Vickie Shaw, Lisa Koch, Roxanna Ward, and swooning to jazz, pop, blues Diva, Suede’s music. And to top this evening off for me, my partner and I, met Vickie and Suede and had pictures taken with them.

Quick Tips:

I have four suggestions/tips if you ever want to see Vickie Shaw or her entertainer friends. One, buy your tickets early because this type of entertainment will be sold out. I mean, this event alone was sold out and people were put on a waiting list to see this show. Two, wear waterproof underwear because these ladies’ twisted, demented humor may cause you to perhaps wet yourself. Three, if you are a lesbian this is a nice type of venue to go to so you feel you are not the only lesbian in this world. This event had over 600 of lesbians that were present and you did feel empowered. Lastly, purchase these DVDs and CDs and tell the ladies how much you appreciate their work. And if you get a chance to meet them, do it. Vickie Shaw and Suede are the ones my partner and I met. These ladies are the most talented, kindest, and the most genuine people we have ever encountered.

Best Way To Get Around:

The best way to get to this venue depended on how far you lived from Rockford, Illinois. One set of our table mates came from Florida in an RV. Some people flew in from California and other states and others like us, just drove under a 50 mile radius.

Vickie Shaw's friend, Lisa Koch, jokingly stated that "White Trash food and beverage" would be on hand for this celebration, when advertising her tour date to perform at this event. Anyway, the BBQ buffet consisted of the following: BBQ chicken, beef brisket, coleslaw, potato salad, fruit salad, buns, birthday cake, etc. It was catered by a catering service called Famous Dave’s. The buffet table was set up on long tables which had paper table cloths. And the condiments were in similar containers such as the Kentucky Fried chicken barrels. There was plenty of food available for all.

My partner, Sharon, and I ate the beef brisket sandwich, potato salad and coleslaw. Being a buffet , we had to go up to get this meal ourselves. The food was fresh and depending on what it was, was kept cold or hot by the catering company using chaffing dishes. We asked if we could take some pictures of the buffet set up and the worker there said we could. Therefore, the pictures are included in this description of this entry.

The free beverages that were offered here was Budweiser on tap and soda (but I don't think Famous Dave's was responsible for this). If you didn’t like these beverages being offered you could purchase whatever you liked at the cash bar. If you wanted the free beer on tap or the cash bar option a bartender waited on you. There were tip jars along the bar.

I thought the dining tables were decorated nicely, whomever was responsible for it. Each table had a white cloth table cloth on it and could seat up to eight people. There were 80 tables in all. Each had three balloons (red, white and blue) in the center of it, confetti sparkles on it, Ms. Shaw’s schedule of entertainment sheet and various sponsor’s advertisements such as Olivia Cruises and American Airlines.

We found overall the buffet experience was well organized. Probably due to the buffet being open for two hours so people wouldn’t be standing too long in the line. Also, the way it was set up, kept the line moving. You had easy access to where the food was available. And the food itself is what I would expect for a country ho-down celebration-- small town flavor with home cook taste.

I recommend Famous Dave’s catering service. The service they provided was what to be expected for a BBQ and such. I mean, there was no real frills with the food but the food was fresh and tasty. And the worker there was friendly and polite. Along with this, the buffet was erected accordingly.

If you are interested in contacting Famous Dave’s for catering, their phone number is (815) 636-0300, and their address is 3303 North Perryville Rd., Rockford, IL. In their words, "We’re your last minute catering experts, any occasion, anywhere, anytime, for groups of 2 to 20,000. Let us bring the fun."

Critics describe Ms. Koch as a "touch of Bette Midler, a healthy dose of Carol Burnett, and a smattering of Karen Carpenter." She is a native from Seattle. Koch is a singer/comedian that mixes comedy, theater, and music with unstable characters and her off-the-wall twisted songs that are both original and parody.

Koch has traveled all over the country. She has been the headliner for the National and Michigan Womyn’s Music Festivals, Vancouver Comedy Festival, and is a regular on Olivia Cruises.

Some people may recognized Ms. Koch from her three solo recordings("Both of Me," "Colorblind Blues", and "You Make My Pants Pound and other show tunes." She is also one-half of the Seattle sketch-comedy duo, Dos Fallopian ("My Breasts Are Out of Control," "Pretty Girls, Not Too Bright"), and is part of the cult quartet Venus Envy ("I’ll Be A Homo For Xmas"). Other people may have heard of her because she is a co-writer for hit shows like "The Carpenters: Uncomfortably Close To You," "The Bouffants Go to Hollywood," and "Ham for the Holidays: Cinco de Porko."Still others may have seen her as an actor in a one-woman version of the "The Vagina Monologues". And some folks may have seen her do solo shows. This woman does solo shows that have crazy memorable characters such as Sister Mary Agnes (a nun who adores discipline) and sings original songs that include a demented touch such as "The Women’s Health Care Medley and "Stainies in my Undies Always Get Me Down."

The evening we saw this wacky, creative genius, she roasted Vickie, sang a few zany songs and played characters like Sister Mary Agnes and a gay male choir member .

Concerning roasting her friend Vickie, Ms. Koch said "Middle-age women can’t remember sh-- " and her goofy lyrics to one song about being menopausal was something like "My cycles are irregular and my underwear sticks and I am working on a hot flash, got some perspiration , gotta have a towel tonight."

Roxanna Ward is another celebrity friend of Vickie Shaw’s that performed at Vickie’s 50th Birthday Bash and BBQ. She is a writer and director, singer, musician, producer and high school teacher. She has worked with Dolly Parton, Kirk Douglas, and several others.

Her song called "Remember Who You are" was recorded by both the late Phyllis Hyman and currently by the pop, jazz, blues Diva, Suede. In addition, since 1992, Ms. Ward has performed on Olivia Cruises and Resorts.

The evening my partner and I saw Ms. Ward , she roasted her friend Vickie, did some serious piano playing (accompanied Suede at times), sang some off-the-wall music lyrics and participated in skits with Vickie and Lisa. Her comedy, singing and musicianship grabbed the attention of the audience that evening.

While roasting Vickie, Ms. Ward sang some zany lyrics/comments similar to "Vickie don’t change your face that Sgt. Patch adores, don’t find a plastic surgeon or you will look like Mary Tyler Moore," and  "Vickie was a blonde but now it comes from a bottle," and "Vickie can c-- all night but now she can’t she has to nap all night," and "If you ask Vickie how old she is, she will tell you to fu-- off!"

Ms. Ward’s piano playing was superb. Both her voice and playing was right on key. And her piano accompanying with Suede’s singing was out of this world! You could tell both entertainers performed together before because of their relaxed depositions toward one another and their blended musical talents.

This performer did imitate what certain kinds of singing groups would sound like, such as a group with the Tourette Syndrome. She would start to a sing a music lyric and then suddenly blurt out "B--ch" and then continue to sing the rest of the lyric. And another group she imitated was one that had ADD. She would sing lyrics to one song and then sing another song’s lyrics during it.

Ms. Ward also did some zany skits with Vickie and Lisa Koch. She was one of the gay choir men in the group called the Roscoe Gay Men’s Choir. Dressed in drag, she sang and made funny comments as a gay man. And Vickie and her did imperative dancing of a demented song on stage. Part of this comedy sketch was Vickie squirting water under Ms. Ward’s graduation looking gown costume.

The above performances that Ms. Ward did are just a small sample of what she performed that evening at Ms. Shaw’s birthday bash and BBQ. This lady is extraordinarily funny and talented. If you want to contact her or know more about her, her Email is Rovsward@aol.com and her website is www.roxannaward.com .

Moondogs was introduced by Vickie as Rockford’s number one rock band. They played that night from 6 to 8pm. There are five members in the band: a drummer, two guitar players, a vocalist and a keyboard player.

Moondogs played a lot of older music. Music from the '60s '70s and '80s mostly. Music selections such as "Louie, Louie", "Pretty Woman" and your "Momma can’t dance and Your Daddy Can’t Rock and Roll" were played.

Being a straight band I assume, they seemed to handle the predominately lesbian crowd well. They encouraged the lesbian couples to dance. And asked Vickie to join them on stage. She did, but she was more interested in trying to find her beloved Sgt. Patch to dance with, instead of really singing.

The crowd seem to like the music because the dance floor was pretty packed. There were times Vickie led the crowd in doing line dances and other times she was dancing the two step with her partner, Sgt. Patch.

This band also played some slow music and this was when the dance floor appeared to be extremely full. Some women that had been together for several years were taking advantage of this opportunity. Our tablemates that have been together over 30 years even danced. And myself, who hates to dance did so too.

Although the crowd seem to gravitate to this band’s music, some women thought the volume of the music was a bit too loud. And this was true, you couldn’t carry on a conversation at your table when the band was playing. But on the other hand, are you really suppose to be talking when a band is playing music? I mean, hey get out there and shake your thing!

I recommend this band if you like older rock music. I am not sure if they play current music. If you are interested hiring Moondogs for a gig, contact Dick Campbell at (815) 877-5795.

Some of the wacky songs Ms. Koch sang during her performance included "The Women’s Health Care Medley" and "Stainies in my Undies Always Get Me down." She also sang about a lesbian relationship breakup with lyrics like, "You left the cat but you took your p---- and now you are with a woman name Lucy."

As character Sister Mary Agnes, the crowd roared. Koch was adorned like a nun with robe and habit and a cross around her neck and holding a ruler. For part of this act, she picked on an audience member to punish. She asked a lady in the audience what her name was. And the lady said her name was"Mary". Sister then told her it was a nice name but it would not save her. Sister Mary Agnes proceeded to tell Mary she had been a bad, bad naughty girl and she needed to be punished. Then Sister told her to go to sister’s room at the Clock Tower Hotel and for her to bring a friend at midnight. Then this nun character did a few jokes such as what do you call a nun that does the StairMaster? Answer: A Stepsister .

In the comedy skit Koch did with Vickie and Roxanna, she played a gay male choir singer. They had wigs, moustaches, glasses and wore look alike rainbow vests. And with her friends, sang choir type music and then joked about such things as how one of the members dated two of the members and what kind of stereotypical jobs they had ,such as a dog stylist.

If you are interested in getting to know this artist better, she has a website. This website is http://www.heylisa.com . Here you can read about her, buy her merchandise and listen to some of her lyrics to her wacky songs, etc.

Critics claim Suede’s performances is a mix of Louis Armstrong (because of her trumpet playing) and vocals of both Ella Fitzgerald and Rosemary Clooney. I personally think there is only one of her and her talent; and those three individuals are just a small resemblance of this enormously talented artist. In addition, this woman plays multiple instruments. Most of this evening she accompanied herself with piano, trumpet, or guitar. But occasionally her entertainer friend Ms. Roxanna Ward accompanied her by playing the piano.
Suede’s overall performance was electrifying! Her confidence in herself was transparent. You could see the twinkle in her eyes and her occasional million-dollar smile flash on stage. She owned the stage with her enormous alto voice and she knew it!

My heart pulsated from Suede’s sizzling scatting, and her finagling the mute on the trumpet giving it a wah-wah sound during "Miss Celie’s Blues"(Sister) made me tremble. And her connection with her audience was superb! She playfully talked to the audience between songs, and she nicely turned down a lady that requested her to give her scarf to her that she was wearing on stage. In addition, Vickie Shaw’s favorite songs, such as "Built for Comfort" and "Miss Celie’s Blues," were performed by Suede. Then after her performance, Suede graciously autographed her DVD and CDs for her fans.

My partner and I had a tremendous autograph experience with Suede. I stood in line, in hand, with Suede’s DVD called "Suede Live at Scullers Jazz Club." I have to admit I was nervous. I mean, this woman is an icon who toured extensively in the U.S., Europe, and even as far away as New Zealand and Australia. And in all these places she has packed full houses and received rave reviews. Therefore, I coyly asked her if she would sign my DVD and if my partner and I could have a picture with her. When we were getting ready for the picture pose, we all wrap our arms around each other’s backs. And then Suede told another fan to take two pictures in case one didn’t turn out . And while sporting her million-dollar smile, she then jokingly told this person to hurry up because she was getting squeezed hard and it hurt!

Okay I confess, it was me that was the massive squeezer, but I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just so excited that this talented artist was giving us a photo opportunity and her autograph. As a result of this though, I failed to see what Suede had written. She had accidentally signed my name as Jacqueline instead of Jacquelyn. Then I debated with myself if I should return where Suede was autographing. I finally decided that I would. I again, shyly approached her. I then said politely, "You spelled my name wrong, that is not my name. I was wondering if you could please write over the line and just put lyn in its place." She replied, "Just get a new one (I didn’t have to pay for it again) and I will sign it . " I then said, "What if the people at that table don’t believe me?" and then another fan of hers went to DVD table and got me another DVD. Suede then took out her silver permanent marker and wrote my name and my partner’s name correctly on the DVD cover and then signed ,"Thanks so Much! Suede." And then she asked me how I pronounced my name. I said bashfully , "Jaclyn" without sounding the que. Then I thanked her and said I was debating with myself if I should have approached her about my misspelled name. And she sweetly replied, " I am glad you did, I would have felt bad if you hadn’t." And then she cited, "Make sure you sign up for my newsletter’,’ and then my partner said, "We can do that online too, right?" And Suede retorted, "Yes"

This talent comes across our paths once in a lifetime. You may have seen her on ABC’s 20/20, NPR, MTV and in the film called "A Simple Matter of Justice" to name a few appearances. But you have to see this artist in the flesh to really appreciate her talents.

Treat yourself to this extraordinarily talented pop, jazz, blues Diva’s music. You will laugh, cry and swoon with her. She is a true "Diva" in every sense of my meaning of the lettering: delicious, intriguing, vivacious, and alluring.

If you are interested in getting to know this artist better, Suede has her own website. This website is www.Suedewave.com . Here you will see her tour dates, her biography and a community forum, etc. You can also purchase her DVD and CDs at this site. By the way, her DVD called "Suede Live at Scullers Jazz Club" is fabulous! Let her bring you in her world of divine music.

Vickie on Menopausal/middle -age women:

"You are walking around and for no reason you burst into flames."

"When you are menopausal you are wet not where you want to be, and now you have to buy stuff to make you wet."

"I have so many stretch marks that Sergent Patch asked me recently to lift my shirt up to know where to turn in Orlando."

Pointing at her underarm flab (which she really doesn’t have) she said, "What is this? this reminds of what my dog looked like when she was pregnant."

"What about chin hair? One night, Sgt. Patch said I p--ed her. And I said, no not yet but she said she was bleeding from it."

Vickie on the Heterosexual Community:

"We don’t have a problem with straight people. They are born that way--they can’t help it! We just don’t want them to teach our kids!"

Besides the above examples I cited of Vickie’s humor that evening, she also introduced her celebrity friends. The one introduction I found most memorable was when she introduced her friend Roxanna Ward to the audience. She said, "I love her like a sister but not like a cousin ’cause that is too Southern."

Vickie also sang a little with the rock group Moondogs and led some line dancing with the party crowd. And she also danced the two step with her partner, Lori (Sgt. Patch). She did some comedy skits with Lisa Koch and Roxanna Ward too.

My partner and I got a chance to meet this gorgeous, Southern, zany lady. She is such a sweetheart! When I approached her and asked her if I could have a picture with her and an autograph, she quickly retorted in her Southern voice, "Sure, but I don’t think I look so good being it is so late and all." (It was after midnight). Actually, Ms. Shaw still looked beautiful after her hosting her birthday bash from 5pm to midnight. My partner took the picture of Vickie and me and then she signed the DVD we bought from her called , "Vickie Shaw’s Sick and Wrong Tour."

If you are interested in getting to know this artist more, Vickie has a website. It is www.vickieshaw.com. Here you will find her biography, her tour dates, merchandise for sale, etc. By the way, when it becomes available, I recommend you purchase her upcoming DVD that is a recording of this magnificent event.

Grandmother, mother, partner, and lesbian comic can describe the roles Ms. Shaw takes on. But she is prettier than Grace, funnier than Roseanne Barr, and nuttier than Carol Burnett. And then mix the lesbian ingredient and you have a crazy lipstick lesbian with attitude. I predict this multi-facet comic will become a sitcom star soon.

Ms. Shaw has headlined in venues such as Michigan Womyn’s festival, National Women’s Music Festival, Monterrey Beach Women’s Festival,  the Dinah & Lina Shore Golf Tournament in Southern California, and at several clubs that include the following: Spellbinder’s and the The Laff Stop in Houston; Comedy Underground, in Seattle; The Improv in Cleveland; Wall Street in Columbus; Luna Park in LA; 88’s in NYC; The Light Project in Miami; and Internationally on Olivia Travel Cruises and in Club Med resorts. And she has been on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend and Logo’s wisecracks. But no matter where you have seen her, you will never forget her. Whether you are mesmerized by her southern drawl (taken to new heights) and/or her facial distortions when delivering her comedy script, or her yellow rose of Texas beauty, this woman will make you want to scream for more!

I thought some of Ms. Shaw’s humor she did at her birthday bash and BBQ was based on her experiences as a lesbian, on nutrition and health, and as a middle age woman. And her other stand up routine was poking fun of the heterosexual community. As a result, I have grouped her jokes/comments under these topics.

Here are a few examples (not word for word but close to it) of her standup comedy script:

Vickie on relationships:

"When you are first with someone you think they are perfect and you have all that monkey sex. Then after you have been with them for a while you wonder why they are breathing. "

Vickie on nutrition and health:

"My cholesterol is 900 and it is supposed to be under 200 so when I die they can’t cremate me, they will have to deep fry me."

"Our Texas views on beef is cut the cow’s horns off and wipe its butt and then run it across the dinner table."

"I love eggs but all it is, is a chicken shooting something out of it’s a--and we eat it."

"I like cottage cheese. But it is like saying lets eat bad milk!"

"How people can eat raw oysters I don’t know. Raw oysters looks like someone hocked a louie!"

"I don’t like to exercise and I don’t exercise. I figure God only gives you so many heartbeats, and I’m not wasting one on sweating!"