Dancing to the weirdness in Cali

Visit Juanchito, a nearby suburb ( cab ride for four people), which is The Salsa dancing center of Colombia. The Salsotecas seem to double as whorehouses, but if you go with a group, and make it clear you aren't there for anything but dancing, they will leave you alone, and if it's slow they will even teach you to dance a VERY sexy salsa! And go clubbing, the local scene is vibrant with a huge diversity of music, from Death Metal to killer raves to wonderful salsa (of course). Everyone loves to stay out LATE (yes this is the headquarters of the Cali cocaine cartel) on the weekends. There are all sorts of casinos to lose money in, too.

Quick Tips:

SMILE. A lot. Everyone here lives life for the moment, and a smile opens all sorts of doors. People will stop you on the street to talk, leading to a drink or two, a visit to their house and a bed for the night. If you relax and enjoy yourself everything is fine. The problems are in the hills and the darkened ghettos. Stay in the clean neighborhoods. DON'T SLEEP WITH THE LOCALS! At best it's just much simpler. At worst you'll get an uncle who has a very profitable export business and you'll never be able to go home again.

Best Way To Get Around:

Walking is a great way to see this modern city. Taxis are frequent and pretty cheap.

NEVER take the buses at night, either local or intercity. The surrounding hills are either controlled by the rebels or the cartel, and don't like buses passing through. They take all the passengers off, strip them, and then drive the bus away. During the day, there are no problems.

Although a youth hostel, the owners made it real cozy. Most people were here to have fun and party, so late nights were the norm. The location was great for the clubs, restaurants and the shopping mall (a superb big mall too, with a very comfortable cinema), as well as downtown.

The owners are a married couple, he''s from England, and she''s Colombian. Between them they can answer any question, and really make you feel like part of their family.

THE BEST MEXICAN FOOD IN THE WORLD!!!

No way around it. The food was out of this world good. The owner is great, and the atmosphere is upscale, but relaxed, and the presentation is spectacular. Even the butter is made on premises and delicious. I would say no visit to this city is worthwhile unless you take a meal here.

Just outside of town in the Northern Suburbs is a great nightclub. I believe the name is Caliente. The club is half indoors, under a thatched roof, and half open to the sky. A really nice place to dance, and it seems like everyone in Cali knows how to, very well. It is important to note that the women of Cali are renowned the world over for their beauty. It is so true. Every woman in this town between 15 and 50 is a knee-quivering beauty. It is gut-wrenching.

But every other weekend, this club does a rave night. It's set up by one of the cartel guys, so he blows a lot of his cash, and flies in DJ's from around the world (London and Tokyo the night I was there). And then various forms of extra entertainment, like bumper cars, or a jungle gym.

I got a real treat as he had brought in an entire circus the night I visited. A highwire act was going back and forth across the outside dance floor. Clowns, midgets and stilt walkers strutted between the pulsating dancers. Hanging from the rafters were nearly naked men and women dancing on their swings.

The highlight came when the lions came out! There were no protective cages between the crowd and the lions. The trainer just guided them through the crowd with his whip, bringing them full-circle to some pedestals where they climbed up and roared. The crowd went wild. We surrounded them as he made them do all the standard hoop tricks. The crowd was enthralled. Bottles of rum were handed around one way and joints the other. The whole time the people were still riding their bikes above us on the highwire, and the music was still pumping, the bass going up our spines.

After that some fire dancers came out, and the crowd wandered off. I stayed behind to check out the lions. I looked at them, and then got closer. The big male lion just snorted at me. So I went behind him. He was huge, maybe 6 or 700 pounds and golden. I reached out and tentatively touched him. No reaction, so I just stepped up and started petting him, and stroking his mane!

Then he did the most extraordinary thing. He purred. I was completely ecstatic. The music was pulsing through me, the lion was purring beneath my hand and I was in Colombia.

After the trainer shooed me away, and took the lions back to their cages, I climbed up onto one of their large pedestals to mull over what had just happened and to check out the crowd. Soon I was surrounded by about 15 heavily armed men. They were the private army of the cartel guy who was running this rave. he sat down on a bench next to me, and started choosing girls out of the crowd. He was giving them orange popsicles. He looked up and offered me one too.

I was very happy, licking my popsicle in the middle of all this madness.