The Wheels Go Around and Around in Amsterdam

There are few things that make this writer smile broader than Chauncey Billups throwing a cross-court alley-oop pass to Rasheed Wallace for the slam; plate after plate after plate of vegetarian goodness, however, comes damn close.

I first experienced the pleasure of an Indonesian rijstafel—basically a ten- to fifteen-course meal, depending on where you go and how hungry you are—on my first visit to the ‘Dam. Little bowls of curried vegetables, spicy soy, coconut rice, and a variety of other palate-pleasing concoctions are the name of the rijstafel game, and Tujuh Maret certainly gets the green light to pass Go and collect $200.

Located on Utrechtsestraat near the Get Lucky! Guesthouse, this cozy little resto puts a Minahasa twist on their Tibetan and Indonesian cuisine, punching the already flavorful Indonesian fare up with even more exotic spices and seasonings. The dining area isn’t anything special; in fact, at first we weren’t sure whether we’d picked a winner for this, Trixie’s first rijstafel. Yellow walls are largely barren save for a few native sculptures here and there, though the long, thin lighting fixtures hung from the ceiling helped create a pleasant ambience with the aid of tabletop candles. Our fears soon subsided, however, when our pleasant host arrived with a smile, two glasses of cold water, and clear, concise explanations of our two-person vegetarian feast.

Most rijstafels require a heated stand on the table to keep the food warm as you work your way along the row of tiny dishes, and Tujuh Maret does indeed bring one out. Groupings of four of five dishes were brought in increments, each one seemingly tastier (and spicier) than its predecessors. Everything was amazing, especially this crunchy, soy-based topping that was so delicious we polished it off well before getting a chance to use it as garnish. Rice is, of course, served as well.

Tujuh Maret’s vegetarian rijstafel is reasonably priced at 19,50 euro per person, a bargain considering the chef’s careful attention spent on each dish. There’s no shortage of truly indulgent experiences in the ‘Dam, and feasting on an Indonesian rijstafel is one of the best of all.

For opening hours, reservations, and a full menu, please visit the Tujuh Maret website.

Imagine wandering into a dimly lit old warehouse off Prinsengracht canal, being gently serenaded by the soulful sounds of soft jazz music, then losing your calorie-minding sensibility in a round, flat pancake peppered with mounds of fresh pesto, gobs of melted mozzarella cheese, and crushed leaves of basil. Dutch pancakes just don’t get any better than Pancake Bakery pancakes.

A thick sense of nostalgia engulfs you as you step down into the dim interior. The walls are adorned with vintage Dutch portraits, paintings, and photos. Marble tables, wooden chairs, and rustic brick walls bring to mind a romantic Italian eatery, but without the heaping plates of pasta. Instead, it's all about pancakes with banana and rum, cheese and mushrooms, or any number of other sweet and savory combinations.

The problem is that once I’ve tried something I really like, it’s hard not to order it again. Today was no different—it was the Caprese all the way. Fresh tomato, onions, mushrooms, melted mozzarella, pesto, and fresh basil heaped on top of a flat, piping-hot pancake is truly a meal for the gods, or, at least, for a guy who's had sweet dreams of pesto and mozzarella dancing through his head ever since eating a Caprese last year.

Obviously, the Caprese isn’t the type of pancake one would drizzle with thick, gooey maple syrup, but with scores of sweets-heavy cakes available, the small vats of syrup found on every table are sure to come in handy—feel free to help yourself. And while you’re waiting for the delicious goodness to arrive, cast a glance at the open kitchen to see the chefs at work… and to make sure they don’t spit in your food! Just kidding.

A variety of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages are available, with fresh cider at 2,50 euro a glass sounding especially appetizing on a brisk Sunday morning. The Pancake Bakery is also known for its giant omelets, which start at 6,25 for the normal, three-egg variety and top out at 10,50 for a Canadian omelet with ham, mushrooms, onions, bacon, cheese, and curry sauce. I haven’t tried one, but my guess is they’re worth every penny. There's also a kid's menu, as well as (surprise, surprise) a lengthy dessert menu.

Perhaps Trixie said it best: “This pancake is one of the best food items I’ve ever eaten.” Yes, Trixie, the Pancake Bakery offers some truly memorable food items. Eat at your own risk—I’m not responsible for visions of pesto-doused pancakes dancing in your head every night until you return.

For more information and a full menu, check out the Pancake Bakery’s snazzy website.

My misguided attempts to correctly pronounce "De Vliegende Schotel" twisted my Yankee tongue in pretzel knots, but fortunately, the grub at this top-notch vegetarian haunt is far easier to digest than its name. Tucked away down a quiet, narrow alleyway off Prinsengracht, this no-frills Dutch diner—the kind of diner that’s perfectly comfortable rocking yellow-topped tables, blue-and-yellow paper placemats, and vases of fake flowers—is just as satisfying on a cold, rainy night in the ‘Dam as a bottle of mulled red wine and a book by the fireplace.

I strolled in around 7pm on a damp Thursday evening, and headed towards the front counter, unsure whether to wait and be seated or just sit down. The affable staff explained in their best English to survey the big menu board near the front, order right at the counter, then grab a table wherever I’d like. The chalkboard menu is in Dutch, so unless you’re fluent, request a paper takeaway for English translations.

Main dishes range in price from 9–13 euros, and believe me, there are plenty of tantalizing options to choose from. Pumpkin tempura, spicy marinated seitan with black olives, and portobello mushrooms with seasoned vegetables and goat cheese were all tempting, but I picked the Soyaballs with peanut sauce, rice, vegetables, and atjarsalad (€9). Soyaballs must be a popular dish, because though there were only a few other diners present, the cook was visibly dismayed as he told me they were fresh out.

No worries—I "settled" for the Ricetable instead, a heaping mound of leeks, beans, tofu, sprouts, carrots, sweet peppers, omelet, and other vegetables covered in a delicious peanut sauce and served over fluffy brown rice with a side salad (€9,50). Um, yeah, it was amazing… and despite the Maryland mountain man-like proportions, I managed to polish off most of the plate with the ravenous vigor of Chet Ripley tackling the Old 96er.

All the food is prepared fresh on the spot at De Vliegende Schotel, so be ready for a little wait. There’s a nice library of magazines to thumb through in the meantime, or just sit back and relax with a glass (or two or three) of wine; there’s plenty on offer. It’s always difficult to stray from my Amsterdam staples—smoked Gouda, fresh bread, and a kiwi fruit drink from Albert Heijn—but was glad I did that night.

For opening hours, contact information, and the full menu, please visit De Vliegende Schotel website.

I’m not exactly sure what's in Haarlem’s food and water supply, but everything and everyone in this small Dutch city gleams like the crown of Mr. Clean’s head. Residents with pearly white smiles, pressed and ironed clothes, and rosy dimples stroll through narrow, spick-and-span streets. Public garbage cans are tidy and empty. Storefronts look brand new, restaurants have floors you could practically eat off… even the towering Grote Kerk cathedral seems to have staved off time’s natural weathering. Indeed, Amsterdam’s westerly neighbor is that idyllic Dutch village you’d imagine only existing in fictional films.

Trixie and I set out for Haarlem on our trusty steeds early on a sunny Saturday morning, ready for a leisurely bike ride on Holland’s famously flat roads. The path from Amsterdam to Haarlem begins just west of Centraal Station; it shouldn’t be too difficult to find, but someone will point you in the right direction if it is. In true Dutch fashion, the route is thoughtfully laid out with the bicyclist in mind, with well-placed signage directing you out of the city and towards the main path. Once you’re on it, it’s a straight shot to Haarlem.

The path winds through the oft-forgotten Westpaark to start. While it doesn’t quite carry the historical panache of Vondelpark, the expanse of greenery here is rather appealing, and the crowds are minimal. After riding through the park, you’ll quickly move through the western outskirts of Amsterdam before hitting the main stretch. It could just have easily run directly alongside the highway, but this is the Dutch we’re talking about. Instead, you’ll plunge into a quiet, tree-lined route that rolls past cow-inhabited pastures, green meadows, and even a few windmills along the way. About halfway there, you’ll go through the appropriately named village of Halfweg, where you can refuel with snacks and drinks.

We got a bit turned around once we arrived in Haarlem, but, of course, had no trouble getting directions back downtown from a local. Famished from the ride and craving some smoked Gouda sandwiches, we made a beeline for the nearest Albert Heijn and settled in on someone’s stoop for our “feast.” Here in New York, folks aren’t exactly psyched to leave/come home and find someone laid out at their doorstep with lunch, but when a man and his son opened the door behind us on their way out for a bike ride, he insisted it was no problem, and that we stay and finish our food. I love it.

After lunch, we locked up the bikes and sauntered through the crowded pedestrian shopping streets, gawking at the crisp, straight-out-of-a-Dutch-Hallmark-card shine permeating our surroundings. A farmer’s market here, a quaint musical organ cheerfully cranking out Dutch folk songs there, and then it was off to the Frans Hals Museum.

The museum is much bigger than it looks at first glance, housing a beautifully manicured outdoor courtyard, a small café, and, of course, the world’s finest collection of Frans Hals paintings. Along with a guy named Vincent Van Gogh (whose work you won’t find here), Hals is regarded as one of Holland’s most important painters. The nominal 7-euro admission price is well worth it.

What a fantastic day trip. You can, of course, visit Haarlem by hopping aboard an express train from Centraal Station and be there in less than 10 minutes, but, well, that’s just no fun at all. Besides, after eating all those frites slathered in satay sauce, not to mention mounds of silky Dutch chocolate, your body will welcome the moderate challenge of pedaling your way to Haarlem, the closest thing to Eden this side of the Atlantic.

Here are some quick reviews of a few coffee shops I recently visited. Keep in mind that prices change often, as do the available products.

Siberie - Whether you’re a regular local or wide-eyed tourist, you won’t catch any attitude at Siberie, which is sandwiched in a row of Amsterdam’s famed canal houses on a gorgeous stretch of Brouwersgracht. With the smooth, pulsing sounds of jazz, reggae, and trance music filling the airy space lit by dim track lighting, I settled in with some Nepal hash (11 euro/gram) and a few rounds of Dr. Who pinball. The staff went out of their way to make me and other patrons feel welcome, the hash selection was solid, and the spacious benches and tables are accommodating of groups. Push the button near the front of the counter to illuminate Siberie’s menu, which not only lists what’s available, but also shows it. Highly recommended. Brouwersgracht 11

Grey Area - Much ballyhooed for its high-quality strains like “Grey Mist” and “Double Bubble,” this funky little spot is packed with locals and tourists alike. Run by two Americans who seem to always have a smile on their face (hmm, they work in a coffee shop all day, I wonder why…), Grey Area was my first stop on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. After picking up 2 grams of Grey Mist (7,50 euro/gram), I borrowed a glass bong from the house and took a seat at one of the small metal tables. As the place started filling up, I decided to jet, returned the bong, grabbed my backpack… and promptly sent my metal chair crashing onto the metal floor. I hadn’t realized one of my bag’s shoulder straps was caught on the leg, so I got to be the guy everyone stared at and who thought had “smoked too much.” Good one, slick! Oude Leliestraat 2

Het Balloonnetje - A Pac-Man machine, a frog-filled terrarium, upstairs and outdoors seating areas, and friendly service: what else can you possibly ask for? Located directly across from UAV, Balloonnetje is far, far away from the touristy shops in Centrum, affording a true Amsterdam coffee shop experience for the judicious connoisseurs out there. The product selection is solid (though I can’t recommend the “Power Plant”), and better yet everything on the menu can be had for 4,50 euro in case you want to test a few strains. Grab a table outside, order up a cheese sandwich and fruit drink, and relax. Roetersstraat 12

Dolphins - Yes, there’s really a coffee shop named Dolphins, and yes, it’s decorated up and down with a tacky oceanic theme. Still, there’s something endearing about their brazen cheesiness… or was it just the gram of “White Dolphin” that had me singing hallelujah? At 10 euro/gram, the appropriately named house special has a nice, mellow high to it—perfect for visitors on their first trip to the ‘Dam. No trip to Dolphins is complete without partaking in the basement seating area, which is wrapped in a series of angular benches and couches and painted from floor to ceiling with a “you’re underwater looking up” perspective. Nice. Kerkstraat 39

Amnesia - The quintessential coffee shop for a cold, rainy night in the ‘Dam. Plush red interiors, pillowy bench seating, and elegant chandeliers class up the joint in a non-snooty-kind-of-way, while dim bulb lighting tops off the cozy atmosphere like a cherry on top of a hot fudge sundae. Bongs and pipes are available to borrow, but I recommend a pre-rolled joint of “Silver Haze” for 5 euro. No attitude, a fantastic menu, and a great location on the Herengracht canal. Herengracht 133

Homegrown Fantasy - If you’re easily amused, don’t miss the UV ray-lit bathrooms at this amiable café down the street from Magna Plaza. Besides being the only coffee shop in Amsterdam that magically turns your urine a bright green color, Homegrown Fantasy also offers a fantastic selection of teas, hot chocolate, and other beverages to accompany their solid weed selection. When I asked for the popular “Blue Cheese” strain, the dealer sympathetically told me they were out, and suggested another kind that escapes my memory, but was great. You’ll also find strong, tasty “space cakes”—brownies and cakes cooked with hash—here. I have two random, ridiculous quotes from a conversation between me and Trixie jotted down in my notebook here… out of context, it likely mean nothing to you, but I’m including them anyway for my own amusement.
“I mean, they’d rather have you doing that than shooting up heroine in the streets!”
“Ohhh, this is our song!” (referring to a Biggie Smalls ditty playing over the stereo)
Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal 87a

Greenhouse Tolstraat - Judging by their red-eyed snapshots hanging on the wall, Woody Harrelson, Fran Drescher, Eminem, and a host of other celebrities all enjoyed their time at this friendly spot in De Pijp. Its wild popularity is no coincidence, despite a somewhat isolated location. Greenhouse seems to be a big Cannabis Cup winner every year, and after a few puffs of “Super Maroc” hash (6,20 euro/gram) mixed with “Jack Herer” (6,20 euro/gram), it was easy to see why. As we sat around a small wooden table on a fluffy leather couch in the back seating area, I seem to remember a debate about whether or not the dim lights were flickering… yes, the Maroc and the Jack Herer are a good combination indeed. Tolstraat 91

For more coffee shop reviews, please see my first short guide to Amsterdam coffee shops.