Puerto Vallarta - Diving, Flying and Dining

There was so many things to do in Puerto Vallarta, I overdosed and cured myself of ever wanting to be the classic overpaying, do-everything tourist ever again.

Quick Tips:

Use an American Express travel agency to book the tours and activities if you have a card. When I was there, they were giving the best deals for the tours. This is noteworthy because the same tour will change in price depending on who books it for you. And some cannot be booked directly, without such a "distributor." By paying the highest referral fees, one can pay up to four times more than the basic rate for some tours.

Best Way To Get Around:

Taxis are still reasonably priced here, although for a daytrip you may want to drive yourself. Then, you can do what you want without your Mexican driver in the corner of the restaurant, on the beach, etc. waiting, albeit patiently, to know what's next or when he can go home - you'll be free to not have to decide his fate, only your own.

Before I begin, as far as price, I stayed in a hotel that also served as a timeshare, and that is how I was staying there, as a timeshare guest. So, I paid less than $50, but I think the room normally goes for a bit more.

Anyway, the rooms all look out onto the water with a little balcony to boot. There is cable television in every room, a mini kitchenette with stove, refrigerator, microwave and coffeemaker. The shower stalls were very large and the water was wonderfully hot all day long. The room itself was spacious, with a king-sized bed and room enough for the sitting area which included a couch, coffee table and a dining table with chairs.

Downstairs, the restaurant was on the pool and the food was OK, although nothing special.

The bar by the pool was large and played sports from the United States, like football and basketball, all day long on different TV screens - there was always tons of men sitting there.

Around the rest of the pool, aside from the regular guests, were those that had their timeshares from the beginning. They all seemed to love the place, all knew each other and, it seemed, just kept coming back year after year, even though it was apparent they could afford to stay in more expensive accommodations.

Town was close by i.e. a cheap taxi ride away, and I would say I enjoyed staying at Costa Vida very much.

Oh yes, they had free Internet access downstairs for the guests to use at their leisure.

How could we pass up an evening dinner tour that would take us on a boat ride to an isolated beach for dinner, with tables set up right there on the sand. Then, after dinner, a stroll through the jungle, up a trail to a show? We couldn't, so off we went.

We had to go through a tour guide who "distributed" this event. It was a cattle barge ride over with so many people jammed on the boat, and we weren't alone in this. There was another boat, equally crowded, going over as well. Our boat went the other direction from the event, up the coast to pick up even more people, a detour that cost us over an hour each way - afterwards they passed our port and dropped them off before us!

Thanks to our detour, we arrived after dark and all the best tables, those directly on the beach, were taken by the boatload that went directly there. In fact, they had been there for quite some time, enjoying the sunset and relaxing.

It was amazing how many tables they had set up and, in order to serve everyone, there were about four huge buffet areas going. The food was not bad for outdoor dining and the cookies were good too, if you could get one before they ran out. After dinner, we followed a jungle trail, up a hill, to the show.

I wore low sandal flats, expecting to walk through sand and hike through the jungle. But, the dinner was sold as being a romantic thing, so there were girls there dressed up and, unfortunately, in wobbly heels. Anyway, the show was right out of Vegas with the lighting and costumes and choreography.

So was it worth it? It would have been if we didn't have to deal with the unnecessary detours and got there on time. As it was, we were late for the sunset, for dinner, for good seating, and we were trying to play catch up all night, even arriving late for the show. I don't think I would risk it again. The water that night was rough and that extra long, unnecessary boat ride was just too terrible.

As part of the Lunch in the Jungle tour, this was but one of two similar restaurants, both having large natural swimming pools with waterfalls and such, surrounded by huge boulders. This was the smaller restaurant and the water ran right next to it on the same level. I liked it more than the other one, Chico's Paradise. Here, almost every seat had a view of the waterfall that splashed right down into a pool next to one of the patios. Every now and then we would hear a scream and someone would come flying down the little waterfall slide into the water - Splash! What a place to eat!

Being at the end of a tour, by the time we got to eat, our group was starving! We had already placed our orders by picking from one of the cooked entrees displayed (what a sales pitch, they pointed to each entree and noted how fresh it was, etc.). The food was waiting for us when we got back. Everyone had either steak, lobster or chicken. There we were, stuck up there in the jungle, up that long road, without our own transportation, and they only offered us the most elite food items for which one could overcharge a tourist - tacos were not on the menu.

It's ridiculous, I know, but I still don't trust red meat in Mexico (I grew up with terrible stories of what that color meat could be), so I had grilled chicken which was, I must say without hesitation, fantastic! The "grill" here is a huge, open kitchen made with adobe walls built into the side of the hill, just as you come into the restaurant, above where you are eating and just below the old helicopter.

Yeah, that old, burnt-out jungle helicopter from the movie Predator is, definitely, a very cool thing to see here. This is where the movie was filmed and it was after it wrapped that someone used the cleared out jungle area as a restaurant pad.

So, overpriced, yes; incredible ambience, yes; fantastic food, yes. I say yes, yes, yes to this tour with lunch at El Eden.

This was the most expensive tour we went on, costing over a hundred bucks per person. Although, this was another one that was being sold by more than one tour agent, so maybe a better price could have been found. We all met at the tour office located at the airport there. After we'd assembled, we signed a waiver saying we wouldn't sue if the plane crashed and off we went. The pilot was excellent, I remembered to call shotgun, so I was up in front on the way over and quizzed him on his experience. We flew for over a half hour, taking in all the sites below, with the pilot telling us what we were looking at - things looked different from above, I barely found our hotel before we passed it. We went over mountains and canyons, all lush and green. And, we saw waterfalls we wouldn't normally get to see.

When the air tour part was done, we landed in a little preserved village in the mountains, supposedly not that accessible, except by plane. There we walked around and admired the wonderful architecture, stopped at a coffee, etc. plantation and I bought some strong coffee and some incredible fresh peanuts.

Next, we went to an authentic Mexican hacienda with the rooms on a walkway, all bordering a large, square courtyard. It had been a rectory of sorts but was now operating as a B&B. It was very clean and pretty. We had lunch right there, in the shady part of the courtyard. Everything was unbelievably fresh. There were tortillas, salsas, chicken and, best of all, freshly squeezed juices.

After some more touring of the town which included the old jail (with a thin, little tree in the middle of its tiny courtyard surrounded by the cells), the old church, the little museum showing so many different artifacts, both Mexican and native Indian, we jumped back in the plane, waved goodbye to the happy dogs that had been trailing our group all day, and came back safe and sound.

I loved this tour! I would definitely recommend it to anyone.

We signed up to go on a horseback riding tour thing, through an agent (downtown), that included being picked up at our hotel, then lunch, a waterfall swim, etc., because we couldn't resist how good it sounded. The bus that showed up was big, air conditioned and beautiful, but what we found out made us cancel the whole thing - and we never got our money back.

It seems we were their first pick up. After us, they would be picking up people for almost two hours! The horse place, meanwhile, was only 15 minutes away from our hotel. This is something we, obviously, were not made aware of. Further, their plan was to take the whole busload on the ride at once. Yuk!

Along with the mass group deal, the logistics of taking a cab and meeting the group (we had paid the tour agent, not the horse place so we couldn't go straight to the horse place and get the tour, or some bull they were telling us), made us decide not to go.

When we tried to get our money back from the tour agent, we received the same type of runaround excuse that ended in us not being able to get it back. We decided if they needed the money so bad as to have to, basically, steal it, they could have it.

I'm sure if, in the first place, we had just driven up to the horse place, they would not have turned away paying tourists. I think we just experienced the worst that can happen. We, at least, learned a lesson about avoiding the tour agents in town, asking the right questions and using the most loyal tour agent, the one in our hotel, but only if absolutely necessary.

I was freeeezing!

We brought our own gear, which included 7mm wetsuits, and thank goodness, because those that didn't bring their own suits, used what the boat operator could give them, summer gear. There was a lot of shorty, vest, etc. layering going on making for some interesting-looking divers.

The diving wasn't good enough to justify the water temperature, with just small to medium fish swimming around in cloudy water. Although, I must admit, I was sooo cold, I could have seen a shark and not have been impressed.

The next day, the person I was traveling with went out again and went to some big underground rock in the middle of the ocean. The water there was so rough, the divemaster got sick! But, my friend had a great time. He saw huge mantas, he didn't care about the cold and he had taken his Dramamine (is that how its spelled?).

We checked out all the different scuba tours and chose ones that combined diving with a boat trip, lunch and, that first day, a trip to a deserted beach (we started out very tour-happy). It was a big boat that stopped just about everywhere to pick up people, which was good for seeing all the different waterfront hotels and bays, but it got old when we had to drop the people off and we just wanted to get back to a hot shower.

The service was wonderful and the food was more than I expected on such a boat (plus all those free drinks). And, the service excelled when they took only those who were diving out in the smaller boats to the special location they were diving that day. We were treated very well.

Lucy Muniz de Gevins opened this shop as a fundraiser for the local animal protection society - a portion of the sales go straight into fixing the animals that wander the street, so they can't keep reproducing like rats.

Most of the crafts and folk art are unique, unlike most of the same stuff you see over and over, in every other shop in Mexico, and most carry a little kitty theme.

We bought the most unique ceramic square candle holders, with the candle wax in them, with a different hand-drawn picture of a kitty on each side. There were little kitty charms, only about an inch long, that you perch on the side of a bowl or planter so it looks like the little kitty is trying to crawl inside.

You don't have to like cats to go in, it's mostly but not all cat stuff. Go in because they sell one-of-a-kind objects - a huge rarity, not just in Puerto Vallarta, but in all of Mexico.

Lunch takes on a whole new meaning when dining at Chico's Paradise or El Eden, both backed up into the jungle surrounded by nature's swimming pools.

As I say in my free form entry, you can't walk down the street without tripping over a tour agent. And, sure enough, we found this Lunch Jungle Tour promoted both in town and by our hotel tour agent, so its easy to book. It was the least expensive because, actually, lunch was not provided - you bought it yourself when you got to the restaurant.

I had become accustomed to very new and very clean mini-vans or buses picking me up for tours in Puerto Vallarta. It seems they know what tourists expect if paying for a tour. The mini-van that picked me up for this tour was no exception and we made no other stops as the hotel tour agent had put together a large enough group to fill it - this was a plus.

The tour included some little mini stops around town, to beef it up a bit. Then on we went to Chico's Paradise, where we would be entranced by the waterfalls and huge swimming pools, all seemingly natural, that surrounded the restaurant - actually a huge, open-air bamboo terrace. It was very nice and, at the time, unpopulated. It was before lunchtime and the restaurant had not yet opened, but I could imagine, from postcards I had seen, the place when it was full of diners and swimmers. A place where you could eat in your bathing suit after jumping off large boulders into the water to swim and play. Kind of like eating in the clubhouse when you were little, and it was okay to only be half-dressed.

The next stop, up the road, was El Eden, which was similar to Chico's with the bamboo terrace dining and water, except it was better, and this is where we ate. (see El Eden dining entry).

Before lunch though, we were joined by another guide and his group and given a little jungle hike. They showed us how to eat in the jungle, using rocks to open various nuts and things and they showed us how to make a hut, a hat, a skirt, etc. with tree fronds. We were told that it was tradition that natives wore the skirt and hat outfit for special occasions, but then laughed when they insisted some of us try on the get up ... hmmmm (see picture).

Yes, there are great shells here and easily found and hardly anyone else is picking them up! A shell shopper's dream? Well, if you have the right back up.

If one heads South from the main beach areas, to the left if one is staring at the ocean, there is a cliff trail that connects these small coves that are small, usually empty, and have all the good shells! Actually, I found alot of beach glass as well, worn smooth by the ocean. (From a beachcomber's point of view, the beaches seemed to contain alot of garbage with the canal/river area, supposedly so beautiful, looking especially polluted.)

Anyway, off we went with my boyfriend waiting patiently up the beach or on the cliff trail for me (like most men, he's not much of a shell shopper). Without saying anything, we noticed these guys walking slowly on the cliff trails, or just hanging out like they were waiting for something, like a guy in every other cove. It was strange, but my I had a "guard" with me, so I didn't feel unsafe or notice them much, barely glancing when one went over and asked my boyfriend a question, before just moving along. I happened to ask later what was said and it was then I found out what I hadn't figured out before.

Duh. It seems the cliff trails were Puerto Vallarta's version of whatever you call wherever you go to score drugs. The mexican drug guy wanted to make sure he didn't pass up a potential customer. After finding this out, I thought my boyfriend was so sweet, not only waiting patiently for me to collect shells, but doing so even if it meant having to fend off pushy drug dealers.

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Puerto Vallarta is not cheap. You'll pay more than in the United States in many ways. Here are just a couple:

Way One: Restaurants. Ouchi mama, most are very expensive, more than a comparable restaurant in the United States, even if you go to the chains like Hooters and such (and they've got them all). The ultimate test, a McDonald's Happy Meal, will cost more there than in the United States - enough said.

Way Two: Attractions. In Puerto Vallarta, they try to turn everything into a guided tour in order to justify using an "agent" to book it. They figured out that tourists could be more effectively soaked if they had to pay a middleman or two (or three).

Thus, you cannot walk down the sidewalk without having a tour brochure waved in front of you or having someone trying to entice you into one of the many, many tour offices - and everything is a tour office. And, each person that "refers" you, until you ultimately make it to the actual supplier, gets a cut.

Most of these tour agents also work for the timeshare people - anything to make a buck, I guess. To me, its all the same, they are in the "bother the tourist" industry. Anyway, they offer to discount the tours if you sign up to look at a timeshare. These "discounted" prices, what the tours are truly worth, show just how inflated prices have become in Puerto Vallarta.