GIRLS GONE WILD in South Beach

SoBe is 20 minutes from Miami on a very long pretty coastline. It's a wide beach that gets crowded, yet never feels too packed because of its size.

The main section of SoBe stretches across three parallel streets from Ocean Drive, Collins, and Washington. Then it goes from the older art-deco area to the more modern Lincoln mall(about 15 blocks).

If you are here on a party weekend, that small area will have everything you need. However, for sightseeing, head into Miami itself and experience the city and sections such as Little Havana.

This particular trip was all about the party, so culture was ignored.

Ocean Drive is where the majority of the hotels are, including the pastel-colored art-deco ones. It's also the closest street to the beach, but a road does separate the beach from this street, so be aware of that. Most outdoor dining is also along Ocean Drive. Each hotel has its own restaurant, with tables outside taking up most of the sidewalk. It's a great place to eat and watch people go by.

However, the cars are just as important to watch... in the space of one lunch hour, we saw the newest Ferrari, a Lamborghini, many pimped-out Hummers, and the ghetto cars, as I call them--ones with neon underneath and rocking suspension that makes them jump all over the road !!

Collins has more hotels, as well as all the designer shops: Gucci, Armani, and the mall chains like Urban Outfitters, Gap, Banana Republic, etc. My favorite street of them all is Washington, which consists of the clubs, lounges, fast-food (local) joints, and individual club-clothing store, CD places, and sex shops.

Whereas the art-deco side is reminiscent of The Godfather, Lincoln Mall, which is a modern outdoor series of shops and cafes, brings thoughts more toward Sex and the City.

Close to Lincoln Street, there is also Espanola Way market with local vendors selling mainly jewelry and clothing.

As far as highlights go, I couldn't go without mentioning the world-famous clubs, restaurants, and lounges. However, I'll be writing separately about these, so keep reading.

Quick Tips:

*Topless sunbathing is officially still illegal, but no one cares, so do it if you want. One word of warning: there are many tourists (men) walking round with video cameras, and you can see them honing in on topless girls. They are harmless; just be aware that you could well end up in some homeboy's personal collection.

*Don't bother with paying for hotels with an ocean view. If you are in the art-deco section, any view is blocked by the road and palm trees, so save your money.

*Ask for a quiet room. The older hotels are not sound-proofed, and street noise can go on from 7pm-5am.

*Look around for flyers advertising nights out, so you don't miss a great DJ.

*Always ask prices for club entry. Girls can often get in free or cheaper to clubs.

*Go with an open mind. SoBe is a mecca for gay men. Look for the rainbow flag on the beaches (across from the Versace house) and head to it if you are gay, want hassle-free topless bathing, or just a party type.

Best Way To Get Around:

Taxis are a cheap alternative, and I have only had good experiences with them. From one end of South Beach to another, it's just -5; it's about from the airport and to Space nightclub, which is the best club in Miami (okay, in my opinion), and over the causeway from SoBe.

Rental cars are great for a longer trip, if you want to tour up to Fort Lauderdale or down through the Keys. We find it cheaper to fly to Fort Lauderdale than to Miami from Dallas, so in that case, you might want a rental car. If your trip is based purely in SoBe, I wouldn't bother.

We went this May during high season, and so the prices were high for what you get. Our room was $200 a night, but we packed in four girls, and that made the price quite reasonable. The prices through the summer and midweek can be as low as $79.

Our room was really nice with two double beds with duvets, and though the bathroom was small, it was enough room for us to all get ready in the evenings. There were lots of mini shapoo/products but no hairdryer or coffee machine (both important on a party weekend).

The hotel is actually split into two with the Avalon being the main building where you check in and have breakfast. Then, across the street, the old Majestic must have been bought out, and that’s where we were. There was no reception or security in our building, but you have to use your keys to get in the front door, and it has a great shaded patio with couches to sit and watch the world go by.

Breakfast was included in the price and this was surprisingly nice with cold cuts, cereal, yogurts etc. However, breakfast in the little cafes of South Beach is such a part of the scene that don’t bother to take the hotel breakfast unless it’s free.

The Avalon is part of the older art deco scene, right there alongside the Beacon, The Pelican, Clevelander, and The Colony. They have been modernized to some extent during recent years, but one thing I’ve found in all these places is the lack of soundproofing. Sounds from other rooms carry, as does the outside noise, which can get very loud and raucous until the wee hours. This didn’t bother us, as we were coming in at 5-6am anyway, but if you want some early nights, then you might want to look for quieter hotels. Our problem wasn’t the partiers; it was the early street cleaners and trash trucks!! Also, don’t believe them if they offer you a quiet room. It might be quieter, but rarely are those hotels ever quiet.

Avalon has an acclaimed restaurant called A Fish Called Avalon. With all the restaurant choices around, we didn’t eat here, but the seafood looked great (though expensive).

Normally I come here over Labor Day Weekend, when the prices are much lower due to the frequent hurricanes. Expect to pay $89 in mid-summer but as much as $130-$230 December through June.

This hotel is situated at 10th and Ocean. The rooms are nice and big by South Beach standards, with all the usual gadgets like phone and TV, but no hair dryer. Also, don’t expect quiet; this is THE party hotel, with most rooms overlooking the pool, where nightly DJs spin until the wee hours; and don’t think you can rest up in the afternoon, because there are the infamous Splash parties, which are basically wet T-shirt competitions!!

I’m really not too into watching women parade around in bikinis, but believe me, this is a sight not to be missed. These poor women look more like ducks with fake boobs going out one direction and butt implants the other. Added to that the clear ‘stripper’ 8-inch heels and the painted one-inch-wide bikini, and you have quite a spectacle. Even I couldn’t tear myself away in a mixture of shock and disbelief (and living in Texas, I’m not easily shocked).

On this last visit, as we didn’t stay here, I took the girls to visit the pool party any way, and it was much tamer, with more regular-looking women. Maybe that’s just because it wasn’t a holiday weekend, or they have just cleaned up a little.

You can get a room that doesn't overlook the pool, but make sure you ask when you make your reservation, as there are not many of these. We did this once to try to squeeze in our afternoon naps, but it really wasn't any quieter. I would suggest just getting the pool room and getting a bird's-eye view of all the activities.

The outside bar is a great place to visit at night for a less stuffy atmosphere, but if you aren't staying at the hotel, they charge you $10 after 11pm. This is certainly more of a hook-up joint, and the DJ will play anything from house and hip-hop to chart and party favorites.

It’s a restaurant and bar until about 11pm, and then it’s a lounge and club until 5am.

Here’s the deal: there are neither chairs nor any tables, but there are plenty of beds. Luxurious pillows, thick eight-square-feet mattresses surrounded by sheer billowing curtains.

You have to have dinner or bottle order to get a bed, and believe me, neither is cheap, but for a one-of-a-kind experience, a place to pop the question, or somewhere to rub shoulders with the hip-hop royalty, this place is well worth every dollar.

We were a party of nine girls, and the crowd was mainly black, super-stylish and dressed to the nines. The crowd changes depending on the music; sometimes it’s mainly Latinos, and other times the club crowd.

If your group is smaller, you might have to share a bed for your dinner, but being a large group, we got our bed to ourselves. You slip on those shoes and climb on. Food and drink is brought out on candlelit trays.

The food is delicious but expensive. Beware of the one entrée rule, which is that every person must order either one entrée or two starters; this is to prevent tourists going and sharing food. That can take quite a chunk out of your wallet, as the cost is about $35-$42 per entrée and $18-$22 for a starter. This restaurant can get away with doing this because it is still the place to see and be seen.

I had the Ahi tuna, and it was done really well, but I've had better for less than the $36 I paid.

I tried a caipirinha drink, which I loved, but my friend said it hadn't been made very well, and being Brazilian, she should know! Also, a wine someone else ordered came out flat. You are certainly paying for the ambience more than the cuisine.

It was obvious that we weren't high-rollers like the majority of the clientele here, but we were treated really well. Our waiter was adorable, though there were no freebies, even though the end bill was over $700!

We did get to keep the bed/table a while after dinner, which is unusual, as they tend to throw you off as soon as you're done to make way for the VIP bottle crew.

Well, at this point, there were nine girls all dancing on the bed, so maybe that’s why??

Look RIGHT HERE for other info.

Though the restaurant is fine-dining, it is a playful place with fire-eaters, jugglers, belly dancers, and a DJ spinning international tunes. As you enter the restaurant, there is a great big red velvet swing that makes for the perfect photo op. The décor is beautiful--all rich velvets and silk with real palm trees.

Our bachelorette night caused quite a stir, and we spent a mini-fortune, with our final bill being $80 per person.

However, the restaurant staff was awesome and did their best to keep us there, bringing free drinks and food. All in all, we got a free bottle of champagne, two free bottles of wine, shots, and a ten-dessert platter.

They had a snake lady come over to the bride-to-be and place a huge boa constrictor around her neck, the belly dancers danced with us all and the bar men got us up on the bar top dancing. All normal in the run-of-the-mill party bar, but quite unexpected in the plush place.

Despite all the distractions, our service did not falter once, and that’s thanks to our fun Houston waiter who was just on the ball all night.

The food was all cooked perfectly. I tasted most the dishes, so I can safely say that anything you order off the menu will be great. My goat cheese-stuffed grouper was downright delicious!! The drinks have some special touches too, like the Key lime martini and the mojito made with champagne. Expect to pay at least $12 per cocktail, though. Food is served on the weekend until 1am, and the lounge stays rocking until 2am.

David's Cafe is open 24 hours and serves homestyle Cuban food to families, locals, tourists, and the post-clubbing crowd. There's a small, casual cafe to one side that caters more to the local older men, but this only seats about six people on barstools, so space is limited. It's best just to order To-Go here. Most tourists opt to sit in the bigger cafe (on the right), with regular tables and chairs, and plenty of room.

They have an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet for just $7.50, great breakfast foods, dinners and super-strong Cuban coffee. Heaven !!

Some of the dishes I've had include the Cuban-style scrambled eggs with spicy salsa added; Arroz con Pollo, black beans and rice; and don't forget a side order of plantains (squishy fried banana pieces). Nothing will cost more than $15.

There's no outside dining, but this cafe is ever-popular.

BIG PINK is at 157 Collins in what is becoming known as the South Point area of South Beach. Don't come here when you are in a hurry; the service is very slow, as the waiters will just sit down and carry on conversations. No one is in a hurry to do anything, so come more for the food and the experience.

Meals here are casual and big, with anything from burgers and fries to meatloaf and salads. The hangout is family-oriented, with great mac-and-cheese with milkshakes on the menu that the kids will love. However, though very family-friendly, this cafe is also gay friendly, so come with an open mind.

Popular with tourists and locals alike Big Pink is open until the wee hours on a Fridays and Saturday so it makes for a great stopping off point after a heavy nightclubbing. What better than a chocolate-mint/peanut butter milkshake to do a body good and aid a swift recovery?

It's cheap and cheerful, with formica tables and diner-style decor. Expect crowds to form for the breakfast hours.

This club is actually located in downtown Miami, right across the causeway from South Beach. Taxis will cost just $10-$12, so if clubs are your thing, this is one not to be missed.

There are almost always top international DJs playing, especially during a holiday weekend. However, even the residents like Oscar G, Roland and Cedric Gervais are awesome.

Along the highways, you will see a huge billboard saying Saturdays Belong To Space, and this truly is their greatest night. Get there around 1 or 2am. It will still be a little early for Space, but that way you will avoid the long lines. Depending on the night, expect to pay $20-$30. Around 3am, Space starts getting busy. It’s a huge club, but every time I’ve been, it has been packed, sometimes making it hard to dance.

On entry, you walk though a hip-hop room with VIP tables. It's quite small, but through a corridor is the cavernous room that is the main dance floor. It’s an awesome feeling to enter and hear the sirens, fog horns, and banging techno/house tunes. This is always my favorite room, of course, and though it's huge, this one is always the busiest.

You will see the designer kids, the club kids, and all kinds here dancing alongside each other. Follow the exit sign in the far left corner to some stairs (only open later) which lead to a top balcony, where you can overlook the dance floor. There are also VIP tables here, but these go with a bottle for $600-$1,000, so don’t bother.

At the top of the stairs, there are some black curtains that hide a special secret, the Terrace Room. The music here varies, but this time it was RIGATONE. Most of the ceiling is exposed to the sky. The terrace on this particular night was quieter than normal, which made for a nice break from the heaving crowds below.

Whereas the main club is more serious (a typical techno club where it’s all about the dancing), the Terrace Room had a more fun atmosphere, with an MC and men ‘on the pull’.

I didn’t like the music here, but my girls liked the Latino men!! What I did like was being exposed to the elements and dancing under stars.

Space is open until 12 the next afternoon, and at 6am, as we were leaving, the line was at its longest. What a great place to see the sunrise!

It's a wonderful club that has the best tunes in town, yet doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out the website at CLUB SPACE for upcoming events.

The Delano is a place for lovers, and the minute you walk through the big, open doors, you are swept into a scene of romance and passion.

I'll take you on a quick tour with my $15 martini in hand... Getting in the place was a cinch for us. No cover, no hassles, but we were girls. One group of blokes were not allowed in, as their group was to big (we were 9, they were 4!?).

As you walk through the immense hallway of wooden floors, to each side of you are hidden nooks and crannies with sheer curtains billowing to show glimpses of VIPs on oversized couches and velvet chairs. First stop is the small Rose bar to purchase the mentioned expensive martini.

Now I’m fully accessorized for walking the rest of the way through the hall and out the huge double doors at the far end.

What a sight: large stone steps lead down to a Tiki torch-lit lawn. I had to put my martini in a plastic glass at this point so I didn’t feel quite so cool!! Tucked away in the trees, is that an antique bed? The light is so dim, but yes, that’s a bed, all right, and next to it is an oversized chessboard spread out upon the grass, with couples lounging against the pawn piece.

I feel like I’m Alice in Wonderland, and for the first (and only) time on this trip, I wished I were with my husband instead of eight other girls.

Down the steps we went, in awe, walking past what must be the $1,000-a-night bungalow rooms, also shrouded in gauze sheer curtains. It's 2am at this time, and people are all over, still lounging in any available space. Many men seem to be carrying drunken girls back to their rooms (perhaps the weight of their implants impeding their walking ability-or am I just hating?).

We settled ourselves along the pool wall, which is also floodlit with soft, ambient music coming from someplace under the water.

Then I see a table--a wrought-iron table in the center of the water, where it's shallow, like a sunbathing area, and a couple are seated, enjoying cocktails whilst candles light up their faces.

Did I take something I shouldn't have in the club earlier? Surely I’m hallucinating... but NO, this is the Delano. Ultra-chic, ultra-trendy, and ultra-expensive.

Experience it from the outside, like we did, and pretend for that hour that you belong.