Insider's guide the Great Smoky Mountains

Okay, I'll admit right away that I booked my room on www.expedia.com for $60 each night. My room wasn't great. The living part was clean, and the two full-size beds were made up neatly. The bathroom, however, had a long crack in the tub that was black with mildew. The sliding glass door to the balcony and the balcony were ill-constructed, and when we had a thunderstorm one night, the carpet around the door was soaked from water flooding the balcony. All of that was livable, though, especially considering that this was Gatlinburg on Memorial Day weekend. And I was in the process of moving into my new house. The view from our 7th-floor room was very, very nice; I could see all of Gatlinburg (not that there's much to see), and the pool at the hotel was fun. It was two levels, with a Jacuzzi. All in all, it worked as a place to sleep, although the wet carpeting wasn't fun.

Just downtown is a sight in itself. The crowds lend themselves to people-watching. The trolley system is a fairly efficient way to get around downtown, to the craft community, and to Pigeon Forge/Sevierville.

I'm reminded of the midway at a fair--candy apples, corndogs, and sideshows.

During the winter (about October), they put up Christmas lights. In mid-January, they add hearts to the lights in honor of Valentine's Day. By the end of February, they're still up.

It's a part of Gatlinburg that is unavoidable, but if you keep your driving to a minimum and use crosswalks, it's dealable.

As my friend and I put it, it's definitely a fun thing to do, but we would never pay for it. In fact, we received the tickets as a tip at the restaurant we worked at. (The people were leaving that night and hadn't been able to make it there.) I still would have rather had the cash, but it gave me an excuse to go.

I think that it was a little small, especially for the price. The fish, however, were very interesting. They had salt-water fish like rays, sharks, seahorses, and the like. They also had fresh-water fish like piranhas.

The big selling point of the aquarium is definitely its walk-through plexiglass aquarium. The fish swim over and around you.

I went on a Tuesday morning during the slow season, and it was crawling with screaming kids. I cannot imagine ever visiting it on a weekend or during a popular vacation week. With the plexiglass aquariums, the sound bounces like in a high school gymnasium.

H&H is more or less a Coyote Ugly with a smaller bra wall. The girls and bartenders dance on the bar, and sometimes they get paid. The music ranges from country to Top 40, reflecting its patronage. A good time can be had if a good crowd is gathered.

The drinks are average, never overly strong. Service is not the best, however, as it always seems understaffed.

It is 21+ only after 9pm.