The Gringa Who Ate Panajachel

We had just arrived in Pana. I was driving along Calle Santander, doing the tourist gawk, when all of a sudden I had to brake and swerve to miss a dancing Santa Claus. Well, we were parked, and right in front of a steakhouse, so we might as well get a bite to eat. The waiter, already outside and glaring at the tourists who tried to kill Santa, took us in and seated us.

We opened the menu, and even though we both speak Spanish, we had no clue what half the items were. We called over our grumpy waiter, who grudgingly gave us descriptions of said items. We still didn’t completely understand but thought it best to take our chances with the food instead of with the waiter.

The menu is long and offers mostly grilled meats but also soups, salads, seafood, snacks, and a large selection of Chinese food. Prices for main dishes run from Q20 for a quarter chicken to Q95 for a large order of shrimp, with the beef dishes somewhere in between. The Chinese food is cheaper, costing from Q25 to Q32 for an entrée.

Our orders were taken and our drinks served. During the eternity it took to get our dinners, we looked the place over. Everything seemed very clean. There were streamers, fake flowers, baskets, Chinese lanterns, and papier-mâché fruit hanging from the ceiling. On the terracotta-colored walls were bullheads. The tables were wooden and the chairs of wrought iron. Overall, it had a festive Southwest feel. Outside, twinkling lights surrounded the place.

Our dinners eventually came. We had both ordered the Pincho de Lomita - a beef tenderloin, onion, bell pepper, and tomato brochette covered in a mushroom sauce. It was served with guacamole and rice. It looked wonderful. Then Libby turned green. The meat was almost raw; some of the outside was still red, and inside it was purple. She had ordered it well done. Mine was on the rare side, but having ordered it medium-rare, I was okay with that. What I didn’t like was that the mushroom gravy was still chilled. It didn’t taste very good, either, so I just scraped it off and dug in. The meat was somewhat tough but not bad. Meanwhile, Libby sent hers back to be cooked some more. When she got it back, it was just as raw and even colder; she tried again. I was finishing my meal when she was served again. It was still just as raw. She ate the guacamole and rice, also not particularly good, and we left.

Could our meal have been instant karma for almost killing Santa? While I was pondering this thought and trying to get into the car, I fell flat on my face. The waiter was watching. He finally cracked a smile. Yup, instant karma.

The end of our vacation was approaching and money was getting tight. We wandered past this small restaurant. It looked a little funky, but it smelled good and the prices were reasonable. Sitting at a corner table, we had a view of the whole dimly lit place. There were very few customers that weren’t eating. Was this a sign? A rather unfriendly waitress dumped the large handwritten menus on our table and left before we had a chance to order drinks. The bartender was too engrossed with the soccer match on his tiny TV to pay us any mind.

The menu was surprisingly varied, offering regional specialties, appetizers, soup, salad, sandwiches, and burgers. There were many main courses to choose from, including carne asada (grilled beef) served with guacamole, fries, salsa, and tortillas for Q15, a tofu burger with fries for Q15, chicken chao mein also for Q15, Chicken fricassee for Q20, and many more reasonably priced options.

Waiting for the waitress to return or the bartender to surface, we had a chance to take a good look at the place. The funk kind of grew on us. What had looked ratty now seemed homey, what had looked dirty was now full of character. The building had very few walls but instead had slightly tattered shades made of locally woven cloth. The same cloth, in all different hues, was also covering the ceiling and the tables. Clear plastic instead of material substituted for windows and let in a small amount of light. Plastic chairs of different colors were haphazardly scattered around the tables and bamboo lamps and curtains, and a few sickly plants, gave the place a tropical feel. Off to one side were two very dark areas partitioned off by hanging carpets. Something sinister, maybe? No, just people drinking and watching soccer.

Finally the waitress appeared, and we ordered. She eventually came back with our drinks, and about a half hour later, with our meals. I had ordered the plato chapin for Q13 and Libby the carne asada for Q15. They were almost identical. Mine came with carne asada, rice, fries, salsa, tortillas, and a drink. Libby’s was the same but with guacamole instead of rice. The food was surprisingly good; the beef was tender; the fries were crispy; and the salsa was incredibly fresh, as was the guacamole. Only the rice was a little boring, but even that wasn’t bad. The portions were of an average size, much more than we had expected.

We asked for the bill. Once again, the waiting game began. Then we waited for the change. Good food, great prices, lousy service, but all things considered, if I were on a tight budget, I would probably eat at Restaurant Cayuco again.

After a half a dozen meals on Calle Santander, we decided to venture into another part of town. In our wanderings, we stumbled upon Al Chisme. We had read a good review about the place and thought we would try it. Before entering, we read the various signs posted outside. The special of the day was Chicken a la King served with queso fundido (melted cheese), peas, and rice for Q25. On weekends, there is live jazz, when a liter of beer, chips, and guacamole cost Q25. There was a showing of Harald Proch’s photos, mostly portraits of the local indigenous, in the restaurant.

We then entered and were immediately seated on the porch, with a view of the street. The breakfast menu is surprisingly large, offering many egg dishes ranging in price from Q11 for two eggs to Q24 for the Eggs McChisme. Omelets, with an assortment of fillings to choose from, cost Q18. A large variety of fruits, juices, smoothies, and shakes are offered. Cereals, pancakes, and waffles fill up a whole page of the menu. Complete breakfasts finish off the menu. They cost from Q13 for the continental breakfast to Q26 for the German breakfast, which comes with a soft-boiled egg, cheese, ham, toast, homemade jam, coffee, and juice.

I also peeked at the lunch/dinner menu. It, too, was large, offering the typical appetizers, soups, salads, sandwiches, burgers, and pastas. For the main course, a large assortment of chicken, fish, and beef was offered, with prices ranging from Q39 for chicken, Q49 for fish dishes, and up to Q52 for the filet mignon. Surprisingly, there was also a hefty Tex-Mex section and numerous vegetarian selections.

The restaurant is comfortable, with seating on the porch and inside. With paintings, photos, carvings, typical local clothing, and numerous other objects hanging on the wall, there is plenty to look at when the street scenes get boring. Streamers hang from the ceiling and bright cloths cover the table, making for a very festive locale. It was interesting enough that we didn’t mind the bit of a wait for our food.

Libby had opted for the Typical Breakfast - coffee, two eggs (she asked for scrambled), beans, fried plantains, guacamole, cheese, fruit, and tortillas. It was good, nothing to write home about, but satisfying. I had the Eggs McChisme - poached eggs, ham, and cheese in an herbal cream sauce served with toast. It was pretty good.

To get here from C. Real (the only heavily trafficked road), head north from C. Santander (the main touristy street) a very short way, turn left on Av. Los Arboles, and about half way up the block on the right is the restaurant. If you are driving, because of one-way streets, you have to go past Los Arboles and loop around the very large block. Al Chisme is open 7am to 10:30pm and closed Wednesdays. American Express, Visa, MasterCard, and more are accepted.

This is the closest restaurant to the Hotel Monterrey, where we were staying. We went past it every day and never thought of eating there. The last night of our visit, trying to stuff two tons of stuff into three little bags, we grew frustrated and hungry. We had to return quickly and resume fighting with our luggage, so off to La Cueva del Oso (Bear’s Cave) we went.

We went in and were surprised. It was charming. How had we not noticed? Upon entering, what used to be a driveway is now a dining area. It is surrounded by lush, flowering vegetation. The tables, covered in blue-and-white checkered tablecloths and each with an umbrella, have candles on them. The accent lighting is perfect, dim enough to be soothing but bright enough to see the food. Inside the house is more seating; the setting is equally soothing. Off to one side, in what used to be the garage or more likely the servants quarters, is the kitchen, where two women were cooking up a storm. I had a peek; it was spotless.

We chose a table outside. Soon the owners came over to greet us. They explained the menu and described that night’s specials. Our drinks were served while we pondered the menu, which was short and sweet. There were a handful of appetizers offered, ranging from Q7 to Q18. For the first course, there was soup of the day for Q10, mixed salad for Q15, and spaghetti with pesto or tomato sauce for Q20. The main dishes were all charcoal-grilled. There was chicken (Q25), breast or quartered; Argentinean chorizo (Q48); beef tenderloin (1 pound, Q90, half-pound, Q48); and ribs (Q30). There was also fish, but I’m not sure if it was served grilled.

I started with the soup, chicken vegetable. It was incredible! It was the best chicken soup I have ever had. It was chock-full of many kinds of vegetables but still tasted very chickeny. Libby had none. For my main course, I had the beef tenderloin, also incredible. The meat was tender, juicy and very flavorful. It was served with delicious buttered potatoes, a small but beautiful fresh salad, and potent garlic bread. I was in hog heaven. Libby had the barbeque ribs; they were tender and delightfully tangy. They came with a pile of french fries, the same crunchy salad, and garlic bread. In a town of mediocre food, the Bear’s Cave was paradise. Actually, in any town it would be paradise.

From the corner of Calle Santander and Calle Real (the heavily trafficked street and the tourist street), head towards the lake on Santander. Turn right at the second street (Monterrey, which might also be signed 15 de Feb, is probably not signed at all). Go about a half a block; it will be on the left.

On our way out of town, before heading to the coast, we decided to eat. We wanted something fast and simple. Mana’s Coffee and Bagel Shop was the perfect place. It is located in a tiny shopping center on the main tourist street. There were virtually no locales open other than the restaurant, but across the street were a few stores for our last-minute souvenir shopping.

The kitchen is inside the building, but all the seating is outside in the courtyard, surrounded by cement planters. The plants are young now, but when they mature, I think it will be quite beautiful. The tables, a few with umbrellas, are set up around a tree. The yellow-and-green tablecloths match the umbrellas. The dining area and the kitchen and counter area were spotless. We could have eaten off the cobbled floor.

We took a seat under a tree and were promptly brought menus. The usual breakfast items are offered, such as pancakes, French toast, fruit salads, and egg dishes. Prices range from Q15 for the pancakes to Q23 for the salami, pepperoni, mushroom, and cheese omelet. There are also many flavors of bagels and various breakfast bagel sandwiches available. For lunch, 20 different bagel sandwiches are offered, along with 10 kinds of bagel pizzas and various salads. Most items run between Q15 and Q25 and are served with fruit and fries. The place seemed to be very busy doing take-out orders. I saw many people walking off with bags stuffed full of food.

A very perky waitress took our order and had no problem with us asking for combinations that weren’t on the menu. Our drinks were immediately served and the bagels arrived soon after. I had ordered a bagel with cream cheese, onion, and tomato. They were skimpy with the crème cheese but made up for it with a huge and very fresh serving of the vegetables. Libby ordered the BLT bagel without the cheese. The toppings were rather skimpy, but the veggies were wonderfully fresh. The bagels were nowhere close to being the best I’ve had, but they were good enough to order a couple for the road.

The shopping center is on Calle Santander. When we were visiting, there was no identifying sign posted, but is easy enough to spot; it is a bright yellow, one-story shopping center on, I believe, the west side of the street.