Thumbs Up Rio!

Rio was hot until the early 1980s. Hot like disco dancing. Hot like bushy mustaches and Detroit Tigers hats. Then something funny happened—crime. Brazil was heavily in debt. Tourism suffered, and Rio de Janeiro no longer was associated with carefree drinks on the beach and live bossa nova. Many people just thought of muggings and mayhem. I don't need to tell you that it all came full circle in the '90s. Today, it’s as safe as it’s ever been . . . and as dangerously sexy. Six nights were enough to hook me. Yes, Rio is hot once again.

It still amazes me that I can go somewhere as mundane as Newark, NJ, get on this flying vehicle, sit there for a while and watch bad Ben Stiller movies, then hop off into a South American paradise. It was all just surreal: waking up every morning to battle the Atlantic Ocean’s crashing waves and treacherous undertow; standing in a cable car as the sun went down, slowly heading to Sugarloaf for unparalleled views of Rio; actually touching Christ the Redeemer, one of the most recognized landmarks in the world. The gravity I felt of just being at some of these places, actually standing there, was just incredible.

And I’m telling you—if you can swing the airfare to get down here, a week-long trip to Rio is totally affordable. Well, you should plan on taking a TWO-week trip to Rio, but my point is that everything, from food and drinks to live music and bike rentals, is way cheap. Those freshly cut coconuts served at every stand on Copacabana and Ipanema Beach? . The caipirinha drinks you always hear about, the ones with lime, sugar, rum, and some other magical Brazilian potions? . A night at the Scenarium for excellent live bossa nova, complete with full meals and enough libations to keep up with the locals, only ran us around US. If you're coming from the US, the exchange rate will be right around to .25R, as of June 2004.

What, you ask, were my best finds in Rio de Janeiro? Live soccer games (go Fluminense!); guarana, a Brazilian plant that’s the active ingredient in Red Bull (but is way better by itself); a ridiculously fresh Rio shirt at the Christ the Redeemer gift shop (there’s actually some pretty sweet stuff there); and, of course, a decent tan.

Quick Tips:

If you don’t already know Portuguese, and chances are that you don’t (especially if you’re a product of the United States public school system), learn some basic words and phrases. Some people do speak English, of course, such as hotel staff, but most either don’t speak it, or don’t care to. I’ll admit that I didn’t learn any ahead of time, but as soon as we arrived, it quickly became apparent that we’d need to sit down and memorize the basics. Throw some Italian and Spanish in there—mix and match at your own risk—to help get across what you’re saying if you need to.

Try to at least make a loose schedule, unless you’re staying for an extended period of time. Sure, we had six full days to explore, but with so much to see, it still seemed difficult to do everything we wanted to without busting ass all day Clark Griswold style. So we planned two or three things a day, and usually had time to do even more. It worked out perfectly, right up to renting bikes on our last day to take one last tour around the city and surrounding rainforests.

Best Way To Get Around:

We pretty much took cabs everywhere we went of any distance. Otherwise, we walked, except for one or two times when we took an air-conditioned bus. Cabs are everywhere—I think the cab-to-human ratio is something like 3:1. We were so used to the ritzy cab rides in New York City—oh wait, they’re not ritzy, just incredibly expensive—that the reasonable fares in Rio almost seemed free. There’s also a subway system that, according to word on the street, is pretty swell, but we never got around to riding it.

But like I said, you can’t cheat yourself by only taking guided tours and hitting the tourist sights. Life in the streets of Rio is one of its most precious assets, and the only way you’ll truly experience it is to walk through the many different neighborhoods. Stop at one of the hundreds of local bodequims for a beer, a cold glass of fresh guarana, and/or a grilled cheese. And of course, what would a trip to Brazil be without drinking their world-renowned coffee? It’s very Europe like that—espresso cafés everywhere that are busy all day.

Go-today.com has never failed me. For every trip I’ve booked through them, they’ve hooked us up in a hotel that exceeded our expectations, while also cooking up a bizarre twist. In Berlin, it was our friendly German bartender at the downstairs bar. At the Newton in Hong Kong, the house cover band, led by legendary lead guitarist/keyboardist Billy, was an experience to behold. And now, in sunny Rio, we found ourselves at the Savoy Othon, located just two blocks from Copacabana Beach. What, oh what, would the Savoy have in store for us?

Our assigned room was fine enough, if a bit small, so we upgraded to a large "suite" for $50R extra a night. Our new room was just lovely—a separate lounge area with a couch, table, and chairs; plenty of closet space; four windows that allowed ample sunlight; and a pretty big living area. The bathroom was stocked with standard toiletries, towels, and a bidet for those who just don’t think a toilet is enough. The TV had about 50 channels, including a Rio Tourism station with info about the city. A small refrigerator was stocked with cheap drinks and snacks. Housekeeping rocked—they even lined up our shoes in neat little rows.

The Savoy has a pretty righteous breakfast buffet free for guests every morning. I stuck to the fresh Brazilian fruit, breads, hot farofa with cinnamon, and good coffee, but there were also various pastries, meat, cheese, eggs, and juices. Food and fresh fruit drinks are so cheap in Rio anyway, so don’t worry if you oversleep.

Like I said, the Savoy is only two blocks from Copacabana Beach, so every morning we walked down there, took a swim, then came back and showered before heading out for the day. It’s also close to a few grocery stores, local coffee shops, lively bodequims, and a bike rental shop.

So one night we came back from a cafe at around 2:30am or so, and the doors were locked like they are every night, which is great. The night doorman hastily walked over from the direction of the two computers available for guests. I wanted to check the score of the Pistons game, and she wanted to check her email. So as we walked over to the computers, he came running up behind us, sat at the computer facing the glass-windowed dining room, and frantically started clicking away. I glanced at his screen, and thought the HUGE picture was of some random art—so did she. Then we realized he was looking at some hardcore porn, and couldn’t get it off the screen! The computer froze up! So he turned the screen towards the glass so we wouldn’t see, but it just projected the image even bigger! Ha-ha-ha! Caught red-handed—literally.

We saw him the next night, too, and (ha-ha) sure enough, he was on the computer again. We went straight to our room.

We loved the Savoy!

So if you ever want to stuff yourself silly and have conversations about the pluses and minuses of "the buffet," and of making yourself puke, then work up an appetite and stop by Ataulfo, located just a few blocks from Ipanema Beach in Leblon. Of course, I mean this in the best possible way. Half deli, half sit-down restaurant, Ataulfo serves up something for everyone in a totally chill setting. The thing is, though we were both hungry like the wolf, we weren’t prepared to feel like we’d stuffed ourselves more than Violet Beauregarde with her three-meal gum.

Whether you’re just stopping in for a coffee or indulging in one of the tempting desserts that taunt you in the front display case, ask for a seat in the smoking section. It doesn’t really get too smoky because of the two air conditioners and the long, tall blue wall with water running down the side. It’s totally modern, circa 1992—sweet. Besides the non-smoking section on the main floor, there’s also an upstairs seating area.

The staff was great—they immediately sent over the one guy who spoke some English, and he recommended a few dishes and guided us through the extensive wine list. After looking through the various antepastos, saladas, sopas, and main dishes, we made our choices.

This is when we ordered a little too much food.

I ordered creme de queijo brie sopa (brie cheese soup) and raviolone de búfala ao molho de tomate e manjericão, and she went with the creme de couvre-flor com queijo roquefort (another cheesy soup) and filet mignon. No big deal, right? Soup and a main dish.

Okay—it’s not just soup. It’s the thickest, richest, tastiest, warmest bowl of cheese I may have ever had. And it’s served in a hollowed-out loaf of bread. They basically served us cheese fondue. Needless to say, it was hard to stop eating it, but eventually we pushed each bowl away like a kid who just can’t stomach another Snickers bar on Halloween.

Both of our main dishes were fantastic, too, and even though we were both pretty much full by then, we managed to kill most of each one. The old saying, "You’re gonna have to take me out in a wheelbarrow," was appropriate after this meal, that’s for sure.

Ataulfo comes highly recommended by yours truly. But don’t just go there thinking, "Man, Mr. Wonka says this place is good, so I KNOW it’s gotta be hot." Remember—eat responsibly. If you can manage that, if you can navigate yourself past all those decadent desserts and big bowls of cheese fondue, and still manage to walk out of there with your pants fitting, you’ll thank yourself the next day on the beach.

As a vegetarian, my food staples were pretty much limited to fresh fruit, vegetables, bread, and cheese. I’m sure there’s some place in Rio that serves a mean tofu dish, but this isn’t New York City, where the meat-free dishes sometimes outnumber the meaty ones. Hey, I could sip on cold guarana drinks and coconuts all day, but by the time night rolled around, it was time to eat something of substance. We wanted to hit up one of the pizzerias during our visit, so one day we decided to check out Pizzaria Guanabara. Both of us didn’t eat much that day so we could pig out on pizza at night.

Good move.

Located on the corner of Avenida Ataulfo de Paiva and rua Aristides Espiñola in Leblon, this unassuming little restaurant with a neon sign is a popular late-night eatery with locals. Cariocas typically don’t eat dinner until around 10pm or so, but we arrived right around 9 o’clock, which worked out perfectly because a violent storm quickly moved through not 10 minutes after we sat down in the covered sidewalk seating. I’m pretty sure this place stays crowded until late in the morning, because by the time we left, there was a wait to be seated.

We ordered a gigante pizza, half four-cheese, half margherita (fresh tomato slices, mozzarella, and baby basil), and a bottle of French red wine to go with it. I couldn’t help but notice that one of the TVs was running the awful film Say It Ain’t So, starring Heather Graham. I'll never escape bad American cinema!

All right—unless you have a bottomless stomach, go for the smaller pizza if you’re splitting it with one other person. As incredibly good as it was, a gigante was just too much. The four-cheese side was (surprise, surprise) very rich and very filling. The margherita, though not quite as filling, was also served in pretty huge slices.

The staff make it hard for you to stop, too; instead of simply leaving the whole pizza on our table, they cut each of us one slice and took the rest of the pie back to keep it warm. As soon as you were done with one slice, there they were with another piping-hot one to replace it. Needless to say, we hardly ate anything the next day.

Most guidebooks consistently rate Pizzaria Guanabara as one of the best of its kind in Rio, and I highly recommend stopping in. The service was excellent: an English-speaking waiter helped us with the menu, they adjusted our slightly wobbly table until it was just right, and they even pulled the seat out for my beautiful companion when we were shown to our table. Even though it’ll probably be busy, try to arrive after 10:30pm to catch the local scene. After you’re done, walk down to popular Jobi just up the street for a few drinks.

If you told me that one day I’d be sitting at the base of Christ the Redeemer, which stands high atop Corcovado Mountain at 2,343 feet above sea level, casually taking notes and snapping photos, I wouldn’t have believed it. Name your top ten sights around the entire globe, and this statue, with its arms outstretched in welcome high above the city, has to be somewhere near the top. There are tourist attractions, sights that you’d rather avoid like the plague for fear of being stuffed in with annoying tourists for something totally overrated. And then there are must-see sights, where no matter how packed it is, you just have to go. A trip up Corcovado Mountain to stand at the feet of Christ definitely falls into the latter category.

When you arrive, a slew of tour guides will approach you, offering to personally drive you to the top instead of waiting for the potentially crowded tram. Considering that it costs $30R for a round-trip ticket for the tram, you won’t get ripped off if you go with the guide, but I’d recommend breezing by them and just taking the tram. Take a walk around the waiting area, checking out the photographs and history behind the construction of Christ, which was finished (9 years late) in 1931. There’s also a café selling candy, coffee, guarana drinks, etc.

The departure time for the next tram is listed right above the entrance, so go ahead and step in line about 15 minutes before it arrives to ensure a seat on the right side of the tram. As it slowly crawls up the side of Corcovado, you’ll get the best views of the tropical valleys below, and catch a glimpse of the villages that sprawl up the side.

Make sure you choose a clear day for your outing. Because of its high elevation, even on days that seem clear, a fine mist of clouds can hinder the eye-popping views you’ll get from the base of the statue. We were lucky enough to arrive at the perfect time, as by the time we rode back down, it was already too cloudy to get the views we had enjoyed just an hour earlier.

Speaking of the views: man . . . totally insane. The Atlantic Ocean, the beaches, Rio . . . wow. And oh, yeah—turn around and there’s Christ the Redeemer, an Art Deco masterpiece that you just can’t help but stare at for a while. You’ll undoubtedly have your camera on overdrive just like the other equally captivated visitors. Just about everyone thought it was cute to have their picture taken in front of Christ with their arms outstretched like Him—we didn’t.

Tourist attraction? Maybe—but this one’s the real deal. Don’t miss it.

You’re likely to find more than just one girl from Ipanema Beach. Heck, you’ll even see a few guys. Everything you’ve ever heard about this world-famous beach, popularized by Tom Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes’ 1962 hit "Girl from Ipanema," is true. The rolling waves crashing to shore with a loud clap, drawing local surfers and boogie boarders brazen enough to ignore the power of the Atlantic. The arching hills and mountains, cradling a large favela (shantytown) that lights up the Leblon end of the beach at night. Bodequims every hundred yards or so peddling strong liquor drinks and fresh coconuts. And of course, the beautiful people lying out in the hot sun or diving into the ocean.

Now, there isn’t some kind of beauty patrol scanning the beach, only allowing those with perfectly toned bodies onto the shores. Judging by the majority of Ipanema photos, you’d think there were. Remember, this is a public beach, just like all the beaches in Rio. All kinds of people flock to these sandy shores—from the incredibly skinny to the appallingly overweight. No one cares or even takes notice if you aren’t sporting a chiseled six-pack or legs like Cameron Diaz, so check your modesty with your bags at the airport.

There’s all kinds of activity going on at Ipanema: vendors selling everything under the sun, pick-up fútbol and volleyball games, little kids running around in the Baixo Baby area under the watchful eyes of their parents, and, of course, the ever-health-conscious locals going for a jog or bike ride. There’s an excellent bike/running path that stretches from the tail end of Ipanema and runs its course all the way to the end of Copacabana Beach. We rented bikes on our last day and took advantage of it.

But don’t just hit the beach during the day. When the sun goes down, grab a drink and listen to the waves. Kick back. And then grab another cold one.

Basic common sense prevails at Ipanema Beach: don’t bring a ton of stuff (suntan lotion and a towel is sufficient), and don’t stick out by wearing an oversized swimsuit. Follow those two simple rules, and you’ll be set for bliss.

Big props to our friend Alex for pointing us in the direction of the Scenarium, a funky converted brothel in Lapa that lies in the shadow of the Lapa arches and Metropolitan Church. It doesn’t look like much from outside on the cobblestone road, but once you step inside, you’ll be glad you’re there.

Before you sweep past the dance floor and performance stage, you’ll have already passed a tremendous hodgepodge of objects hanging from the ceiling, bolted to the wall—everywhere you look, there’s something different. Glittering antique Venetian chandeliers near a dangling vintage bike. A fake dinosaur skeleton lounging in the mini-library. An antique Asian armoire and stacks of old suitcases. Victorian ceramics and plastic gnomes. All of that and more, just on the first of three levels. Oh, yeah—and everything is for sale.

Call for reservations about a day in advance to make sure you get a table near the stage. We had a great view of the dance floor as well from our vantage point to the right of the stage. We were fortunate enough to catch Nicolas Krassik Conjunto, an amazing seven-piece ensemble group led by an insanely good violinist, Nando Duarte, and the best accordion player I’ve ever heard. I caught the guy mixing in Dire Straits and Medeski, Martin, and Wood bits into his sound. The female vocalist had a gorgeous voice, too. They definitely didn’t have any trouble working up the locals to dance away for most of their set. We didn’t dance ourselves—honestly, we were just having a blast watching the cariocas do their thing. And I’m telling you, they had serious moves. We checked to see if the band had any music for sale, but alas, not yet.

You’ll be given a card/menu when you sit down, and the friendly server just marks it each time you order something. Everything was surprisingly cheap—I ordered raviole de ricota ($18R), and my trusty companion had the file de salmao with roquefort sufle ($19R). At this point, on the last night of our trip, cheese was the last thing I needed to be eating, but it was actually pretty light, and of course very good. We also had a bottle of wine (or two?) and a few beers, trying to keep up with the locals around us.

Admission is $15R on weekdays, $18R on weekends. The cab driver on the way back asked us if there were lots of tourists there, which was a somewhat puzzling question because we didn’t see many at all. Maybe it gets busy in high season with tourists; who knows? Either way, our night at the Scenarium was definitely one of the most memorable things we did in Rio. For more info, check out their website here.

Don’t believe the hype. Though Copacabana Beach may not hold the same lusty appeal it did back in the day, it’s still seductive. Yes, it’s the most touristy beach in Rio. And the vendors come out in droves. But that’s all part of the Copacabana experience. C’mon, now—where else can you stroll the beach and be offered a beach chair, a cold Antarctica beer, a hammock, and a towel with naked Brazilians on it, all within 15 minutes? The arcing beach, lined with the old-school resorts of yesteryear, is simply stunning, with breathtaking views of Sugarloaf and countless other islands off in the distance. One could easily while away an entire day here watching carioca life go by.

I’m not sure if it was the season or what, but the waves crashing into the shore were HUGE. The cariocas were of course undaunted by the Atlantic’s power, swimming far out from shore and nonchalantly diving into the base of the big waves to avoid their powerful blows when they broke. We were surprised how strong the current was—just anchor your feet in the sand and you’ll be all right as long as you’re just standing there, not swimming.

We had a blast coming down here every day for a swim. Since we were there in the fall, it wasn’t packed, but you and I both know it’s hopping during the summer, not to mention Carnival. Just like at Ipanema, pickup fútbol and volleyball games popped up everywhere, as well as frescobol, played with two wooden paddles and what looked like a small, hard racquetball. You basically just hit the ball back and forth—we were amazed at how hardcore one couple was getting. The ball didn’t hit the sand for like five minutes.

There were also fishermen down here on the cloudier days, as well as locals combing the sands with a long pole with a cage attached to the end of it. I’m not exactly sure what they were hoping to catch—lobster? Buried treasure?

We had our little local food/drink stand on the beach, only a few blocks from the hotel. It was near Club Help, a disco commonly known for attracting a healthy clientele of hookers. The two guys running the stand were totally cool, whipping up strong, flavorful caipirvodkas and keeping an eye out for hustlers looking to harass anyone chilling at a table. Good times!

Just remember to keep your head on straight, especially at night. But don’t sweat it—the beach and walkway are all lit up, and it stays pretty populated through most of the night. Nevertheless, there are petty thieves lurking, so just stay alert. Don’t leave anything unattended. They like to try and distract you—we quickly caught on to two guys thinking about pulling some kind of stupid shit, but they decided otherwise.

Just use common sense, eh? You’ll love it—I miss Copacabana already!

I’d rather suffer through a dimly lit clunker at Continental Airlines Arena between the Nets and Grizzlies than attend a Major League Soccer game. Of course, outside the States soccer takes on an entirely different personality, which was never more evident than during my visit to Rio de Janeiro’s famous Maracana Stadium. The lack of MLS appeal certainly has a lot to do with talent—even the best players aren’t exactly considered international superstars—but it’s much more than that. The impassioned fan base, the wild atmosphere, the all-day tailgating… indeed, live fútbol matches in South America have a life of their own.

After milling about the rustic hillside neighborhood of nearby Santa Teresa in the morning, we cabbed it to the stadium, arriving about 2 hours before the game. The tailgating scene isn’t much different than in the States: add a few face-painters and overweight men in undersized b-ball jerseys, and you could be in the parking lot of an NBA playoff game.

Once you get to the stadium, stop at a ticketing booth and go for the cairida seating, which is located on the lower level and costs a mere $7R. You’ll get spectacular views of the field and have the freedom to move about in the large, unnumbered section.

We settled into the first row behind the standing room-only section, where the hardcore fans prowled the sideline like Avery Johnson down by 15 at a frenzied away game in San Antonio. Throughout the game, these diehards were alternately jumping, screaming, dancing, and grimacing as their home team, Fluminense, matched wits with visiting Criciuma.

All I wanted to see was one measly goal, and after a scoreless half the action finally picked up after the break (thank God). The sound of drums rained down on us from the upper level, the ooohs and ahhhs became more spirited and urgent, and the players seemed to run a little faster and kick the ball a little harder. Against my better judgement, I decided that I couldn’t hold it… and then, just as I got to the restroom, a loud roar echoed through the stadium—goal for Fluminense. Wonderful.

Incredibly enough, Criciuma tied it up for good with just a minute or two left, much to the chagrin of just about everyone in attendance (except for me, of course). With that scored goal, my experience at Maracana was complete, and I left with nothing but positive memories. Now how many people in attendance of a Nets/Grizzlies game can say that?

One should never expect much from a bar called Skylab, which just screams uber-modern circa 1993. This spot atop the Rio Palace Hotel on Copacabana Beach may have been hot 10 years ago, but now it’s just another bar on the roof of a hotel that clings to its lone asset, the view, like an aging movie star unwilling to settle for anything less than the young lead role. Even the pool on the outdoor seating deck seemed to gasp for life, as if its sexiness in the '90s had been replaced by a kitschy appeal to parents with kids in tow to swim on a rooftop pool in Rio de Janeiro.

We weren’t sure whether Skylab was even open when we visited. After taking the elevator up to the 28th floor, and finding no bar there, we realized that you have to transfer to another set of elevators to reach the roof. Now, I’m not sure if there were men manually operating the pulley system for this second set of elevators or what, but it took something like 10 minutes for it to arrive at our floor. Strange—it only spans four floors total, and the place seemed empty. When we finally arrived on the top floor, we realized it was pretty much empty. Creepy.

In a city where the nightlife doesn’t get cranking until around 11pm at the earliest, Skylab closes at midnight daily. We were one of about three couples having drinks in this room with decorations straight out of Bed Bath & Beyond (hey, I’m not knocking the store—but you call that bar decor?!). After checking out the aforementioned outdoor deck, we settled inside next to a side window. The views of Copacabana Beach were pretty sweet, I will say that.

The service was cordial and friendly. Our waiter didn’t speak much English, but he tried, and it’s not like we expected him to articulate the menu like a Brazilian Russell Baker. Cocktails will run 8 to 14 Reals, long drinks 10, and any one of a good selection of whiskies and bourbons between 9,50 and 15 Reals. There’s also a pretty decent menu of cognac and coffee. We didn’t order anything from the kitchen, since it was getting "late," but you can order food if you arrive early enough—check out the feijoada served up every Saturday.

After finishing up some strong caipirinhas, we were ready to jet and find somewhere slightly less medicated. First we had to deal with the elevators again, though—I think my beard grew back in while we waited.

So I guess the guidebooks were right—Skylab really is a memorable bar to visit . . . memorable in that we’ll remember never to go there again.

If aliens were to land and permanently park their spaceship somewhere, well, why not Rio de Janeiro? Rio is a nice enough place to assume residency on a new planet, so it’s not that farfetched to think that the Museum of Contemporary Art wasn’t really designed by Oscar Niemeyer, but is just a UFO posing as a museum. Niemeyer’s just the lucky guy they chose to take credit for it. Ah, you have to love a good conspiracy theory.

Niemeyer’s brilliant concept for the museum is not to be missed. Standing on the edge of a rocky cliff across the bay in Niteroi, the museum looks as if it’s poised to take off into space and never return. Indeed, any sci-fi fan treated to a glimpse of this awesome sight would be willing to give up their most treasured possessions (like, say, still-in-the-box action figures from the first Star Wars film) to hear the tales that Jules Verne or Isaac Asimov could spin about this unique structure.

Unfortunately, the museum itself was closed for new installations when we visited, so the farthest we were allowed inside was the bathrooms. To be honest, the main reason we took a trip out here was just to see the building itself, so we weren’t all that disappointed. Even if the museum is closed, you’re free to walk the grounds and snap all the photos you’d like. Plus, you get to take a charming bus ride back to the ferry. You’ll wind your way through a largely residential section of Niteroi with colonial-era housing before ending back up at the waterfront. Before punching your ferry ticket, take a little time to walk around Niteroi, browsing the nearby malls and street stands.

Niemeyer, easily Brazil’s most recognized architect, isn’t done yet in Niteroi if he has his way. Proposals are currently being drawn up for a new cathedral, conference hall, offices, and a municipal center. Hey, when you have the high-tech aid of an alien race, there’s no stopping you!