Playing Tourist in LA

LA may have its share of bikini-clad lifeguards and spoiled rich kids, but most people who live in The Big Orange are nothing like the characters on "Baywatch" and "Beverly Hills, 90210." Instead of surfing and shopping at overpriced boutiques, I prefer to explore the huge variety of restaurants, museums, and bookstores. Local amusement parks are a blast, and viewing the cityscape from the Getty Museum is an incredible experience. You may even run into a celebrity or two.

Quick Tips:

Rule #1 - Wear sunscreen and reapply often. Better yet, get a hat. Some Angelenos actually carry umbrellas to protect themselves from the brutal ultraviolet radiation.

Rule #2 - Carry a bottle of water at all times. The weather can be cool and foggy during the winter months, but the summers are very dry. Speaking from personal experience, being treated for dehydration is no fun.

Rule #3 - If you do spot a celebrity, take the high road. Don't gawk. Don't gush. They're just people, and they'd probably appreciate a little privacy. Admire them from a distance, and they'll be eternally grateful.

Best Way To Get Around:

It's true, nobody walks in LA. Well, I do, but I'm the only one. A warning for pedestrians: be extra careful at crosswalks. You're supposed to have the right-of-way, but you can't always count on the cars to wait for you.

With basic fares running between 50 cents and .35, buses are a thrifty alternative to driving. A bonus for bus riders: parking won't be a problem.

If you do drive, allow extra time for fighting traffic on surface streets and freeways. Locals always refer to distances in minutes or hours rather than miles.

Once you're on the mean streets, remember that turning left at intersections is especially risky, due to a serious shortage of those handy left-turn arrows. And strangely enough, yellow lights seem to mean "speed up" instead of "slow down" in LA. Whatever you do, don't run a red light. Along with a hefty fine, you may also receive a lovely photo of yourself and your car, courtesy of the LAPD.

Believe or not, LA also has a subway system that was recently extended to North Hollywood in the San Fernando Valley. It even stops at Universal City. Try it out!

Picture a family of fiberglass mammoths at the edge of a small lake. The one with the longest tusks stands hip-deep in the dark water, while a mother and baby wait anxiously on the shore. The smell of asphalt hangs heavy in the air. You notice the oil slick on the surface of the lake, along with a few stray bubbles. You look a little closer, and the lake seems to be percolating. It suddenly dawns on you that this is no lake. It's a simmering cauldron of tar.

Okay, I admit it. I knew it was tar. But wasn't that a dramatic intro?

Seriously, this place is definitely worth a visit. I enjoyed learning about all the animals (and at least one human) who got trapped in the tar pits so many thousands of years ago, and watching the scientists who are still sorting out the fossil remains to this day. An entire wall is covered with hundreds of dire wolf skulls, but my favorite fossil has to be the sabre-toothed cat. I believe his scientific name is Smilodon californicus, but he'll always be Smiley to me. I also bought a tiny rubber mammoth at the gift shop.

For more information, visit the Page Museum's excellent and informative Web site at http://www.tarpits.org.

I could come to the LA Zoo every weekend and never be bored. I love having the opportunity to observe animals that I'll probably never see in their natural habitats, and I have a simple secret for getting a good view in spite of the crowds: wait. Just stand there until someone moves. People will get out of your way eventually, and when they do, hold your ground. Hey, patience is a virtue, right?

Oh, and be sure to check out the Web site before you go: http://www.lazoo.org. Lots of good information there.