California To New York - A Spiritual Renewal

All through the day, my mind drifts to Sharon, all that we'd been through together; all that I'd done or hadn't done that might have been otherwise....

Rather than figuring out the details of this trip, where I should be, which hotel I should call in advance to arrange a room, I've given each step so far to God, then just showed up to do what I feel is best with the path of resistance being the flag that I'm in the wrong direction. Resistance = wrong direction.

As such, I was able to drive 536 miles today in nine hours, a new single day record. When I started getting tired, I acknowledged right away it's time to rest. Within five or ten minutes of feeling tired, I got to Wells, Nevada, and easily found a motel. Just ONE motel here, but it's a motel! Bed... Sleep... Rest...

Well, it turned out that the entire hotel was booked! Except a whole group of people didn't show, so rooms were still available at 11:30pm! I got a ground floor room with a queen-sized bed. The bed is GREAT. The room is clean, in very excellent condition - all for $50 plus tax! Not bad for being "led" to where I need to be for the night.

I've had Sharon's 8x10 photo next to me on the console in the car the whole time today. Now, it's here with me in the room, giving me something tangible to hold onto in my hopes of saving my marriage.

DAY 2 - Wells, Nevada – PATIENCE

I prayed, exercised, meditated and showered this morning to start my day. Exercising in a motel room isn't so bad. Take a clean towel and lay it on the floor, do some push-ups and sit-ups, stretching and bends... Just enough to get the blood circulating and the mind focused. I also spoke with Sara this morning - just to wish her a Happy Birthday. I hope to bust out to Cheyenne or further today!

I went to check out this morning and nobody was at the desk. I was antsy, wanting to get on the road, and here I was, waylaid for an indeterminate amount of time! Impatience flairs as the clock ticks on...

I found the cleaning crew out back and one of the women said maybe the clerk would be back in ten minutes. I thanked her… Patience...

So I went back to my room to practice patience. Fifteen minutes of staring at walls later, I went back to the desk, and still, no clerk, no manager! Instantly, my impatience was back, like it had never left...

Inside though, I heard that voice - "It's just an opportunity to relax!" A few minutes passed before I reached that relaxed space...

As I was standing outside the manager's office, and as the relaxation washed over me, I suddenly noticed a snow covered mountain, that I'd not seen in the middle of the night and all morning hadn't been aware of! BINGO - NOW I felt good. And in that moment, the manager showed up! What a coincidence.

After I checked out I went for gas and the attendant wasn't anywhere to be seen! Ah, but this time I knew the deal - I focused on relaxing, and BINGO, the attendant appeared. What a coincidence.

On the way out of town I took a side trip to the post office to send a postcard to Sharon... I got there via the town loop, and I saw a sign "SHARON MOTEL - BEST VALUE IN TOWN"...

Had I not second guessed last night, and continued on the first exit I'd gotten off of, I'd have seen that sign and hotel... Ironic.

PERSPECTIVE:
It's not what you look at but how you look at it - perspective. Last night driving toward Wells, I saw on the horizon, rising up out of the pitch black night, a great cruise ship, all aglow in bright white light! It appeared to be very large indeed, with two stacks rising up from toward the center of the ship. But how could that be?

As I came parallel to it, though still quite far off in the distance, this "cruise ship" transformed into a massively huge jet in take-off position all lit up like a Christmas Tree!

As I passed some distance later and looked back, it appeared to be an oil tanker out on the water, and that made sense, given how bright and glowing they are! But no, in fact, it turned out to be the largest power plant I'd ever encountered!

PEOPLE -
Each person I've met so far, I've opened myself up to express kind words with - looking, listening for the words to be ones that person would identify with while allowing the realness of Alan to come through. It's a fun process, especially on the road where you encounter any number of people from all walks of life, never knowing where they're from, where they're going or why...

Doing this requires a subtle awareness, and most importantly, being focused in the moment. Quite a great exercise of the mind given the length and circumstance of this particular trip!

GOD'S GIFTS
A dog appeared at my room as I was standing at the door eating my breakfast (consisting of one fresh nectarine, straight from the farmers market that my sister had given me the day before!)...

The dog had no collar visible, and was scruffy yet adorable nonetheless! He or She came and sat, looking expectantly at me, and raised a paw, asking for food apparently. Now here I was, with my lone nectarine as my only nourishment for the morning, and thinking - whose dog could this be? (If anyone's)...

Do I feed you? I'm not sure - if I feed you, are you going to stick with me here and not return to wherever you've come from, abandoning some ten-year-old child? I paused, took one step back, and the dog, startled, bounded away! As the dog trotted off, he turned back to me, looking truly afraid that I'd attack. I looked lovingly at him, and said " I can not take you along on this journey, it's not the responsible thing to do at this time! All I have is just this fruit, my only food for the morning! This dog looked me in the eye - and I said, "Be good - be safe, have peace inside..." The dog moved on, and so it was time for me to do the same.

SIMPLE THINGS:
I reached Wendover after slow going thanks to road construction and rain... Nothing like rain and road construction to ensure drivers pay attention to the moment! I saw a sign along the way "FEEL LUCKY?" referring to a casino in Wendover. I pulled off at the exit and went into a food mart.

After getting snacks for the road, I got on line at the cashier. A burly, cheerful man joined the line behind me. His hands were full with purchases, so I said, "Go ahead - you've got your hands full and what I have is a QUESTION much lighter in exchange!" He laughed and said, "Maybe I can help you." Well," I said, "I heard Power ball is in twenty States and it's now at $250,000,000. So I was wondering if there were a place to get a ticket!"

After a moment, he said "Not Arizona, not Utah, or Wyoming... Colorado has their own lottery - Idaho has it, but you'd need to drive north..."

I said "Well, it IS $250,000,000, but for me, it's not that important to drive that far for a $1 investment!"

We laughed, I thanked him and headed out to my car.

When I approached my car, (my beautiful Mustang - the first brand new car I've ever owned), a man in a pickup truck next to me was admiring it. He said "She's great isn't she?" Thinking of Sharon and not my car, I said "Yes - I worked very hard in my life to find her and had a window of opportunity a while back so I went for it!"

We talked a while about the Mustang then I said "I don't know if I can still have her in my life, cause things change, (again, my mind was on Sharon, not the car!) but seeing this was a man who'd worked hard all his life, I said "I guess I just need to work hard, disciplined, and stay focused - I get to drive back to New York now and not get into an accident!"

He laughed and said "Yes, hard work. That's a long way to drive." I said "Done it three times with my Wife, now it's just me, God, the open road and people like you to help make it fun!" He laughed hard at that and said, "I guess so!"

Picture a golf pro at the tee, looking up, 1,000 feet at the green, aiming for the top lip of the mogul. . . Or the same pro on the next hole, but this time it's 1,400 feet downhill, all the way!

Well, here I am, in this European-looking, all-American location, on the journey of my life! What magical wondrous vision will appear next?

It's bittersweet to a degree as well because Sharon, my life companion, isn't here by my side to see this and share this with me, as I had always wanted a companion to be able to share with, and as we'd done so many times in the past several years. . .

I do have a swarm of gnats in the car now though, so it's time to move forward!

At the bottom of this television was a hand written sign read "PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THE TV".

Of the lounge area in a laundry room was a videophone kiosk. For the low price of $399, a trucker, or anyone, I suppose, can buy a device with a camera that connects to the family TV and a touch-tone phone...

The trucker goes to one of these video kiosks, picks up the handset, punches in a code, and shortly, they're talking with and looking at their family eagerly awaiting a physical contact with this roaming person, male or female.

I heard on the radio last night that a couple got married and to save family and friends the expense of needing to fly thousands of miles for the wedding, sent them, instead, to Kinko's copy centers around the country and the happy couple were married via video teleconference in front of their loved ones!

I'm sure these help, though I bet life on the road can often be lonely when it's what you do all year long, year after year....

As the orange yolk of the sun greets us here and reveals itself as the ever larger and brighter golden ball of light and warmth that it is, I once again feel the infinite universe moving its energy through me.

A flying insect lands on my driver side window, its back to the sun. The steady hum of the rigs goes on as it has all night here while drivers keep warm and safe.

The sun is just now fully up over the horizon, and too bright now for me to gaze directly upon it. Shadows begin to shift and move across my line of sight.

After a very uncomfortable night physically (after all, my Mustang convertible isn't exactly designed to be as roomy or comfortable as the sleeper on an 18-wheeler, now, is it?), I go for a short walk. Someone sleeps in a sleeping bag beneath a tree. Occasionally, a new car comes in for a stop.

A huge dog (they're all puppies to me, even 90lb huskies that are eight years old!) comes bounding up to me and jumps up with its front paws on my upper arm then runs off again, barking briefly in excitement.

Signs at the rest room shelter point out facts and figures. I note that I'm at the eastbound Sidney Nebraska Rest Stop, six miles west of Sidney. Omaha is 403 miles east, and New York City 1,640. I'll be there in three days time at this pace.

I drove a total 713 miles yesterday. This morning, at some time around 1am, a van with Colorado plates pulled up. A young boy of maybe 10 or 12 got out of the passenger side and loaded the USA Today bin with new papers. When he was done, he turned and looked at me for a bit, smiled, and waved to me before returning to the van.

I find an all-night food mart and pull into the big parking lot. I sit, I cry, and the floodgate of emotion has caught up with me. After a while, I realize that I need to get focus or I can't continue on this trip. So I go inside and call the one person in the world I can turn to, just to regain an anchor-hold to humanity, my sister Sara back in California.

Of course, it turns out she'd spoken with Sharon today! She's gotten a job and will buy her grandfather's car, then save up to move into her own place. I am happy that she’s seeing she get her life in order. This is something she'd said was the cornerstone of her need to move on, having never made it in the world on her own before. And still, why is everything about what she and I as individuals doing so effortless and miraculous now, except the divorce part? Why is that pure pain?

God placed a real totem pole here in this parking lot tonight! Yes, honest. . . I stood in front of it, looking up, and saw that I am climbing the ladder of my own spirit and that this is about a time for healing.

I so wanted to call Sharon just now, then stopped before I did further damage. So I called Sara again and shared my awareness with her. She was proud of me and said it’s not about using Sharon to find my peace; I need to find peace within myself, as Sharon is doing. I must focus on each day what is in front of me. And now I can get back on the road once again. . .

Prayer, meditation, exercise, shower and a shave. Fill the gas tank, add washer fluid, wash up, buy a little something, send off a postcard, get some healthy basic breakfast in me, and hit the road... Do this five million times during the trip, and I'll be home!

I suggested cleaning the contacts. He got out a brush and half-heartedly brushed them however, he didn’t take the time to do a thorough job or simply remove the plug and check the other end either. Again, he pulled the cord and it wouldn’t start. He said, "I guess it just isn’t going to start."

Without looking at each possibility as to what may be needed to bring it back to life, he gave up, resigned to not dealing with it. Just stared at it and thought about the lousy broken weed eater.

Perhaps it would have needed just a bit more patience, one more step to replace the problem with a solution, and accomplish his goal of not being stuck at the same time.

I HAVE A GOAL
I have a goal to be truly present, like never before, in my own life. This road trip is showing me this more and more each day, with each experience along the way. The writing was on the wall months ago. I was looking for it, but not truly listening for it.

Through the years, I’ve been growing slowly, by using my vision – my biggest leaps have come when I’ve stopped long enough to really hear the message.
In order to really be at peace, to show up for life, and find true happiness inside, I need to listen – to my heart, then take action, and listen again, to really hear. My life is like that of a guy in Illinois holding a broken weed eater.

So ok, I'm on a health-conscious road trip here right, so what to do?

Vending machines! But no, sugar, candy, no healthy alternatives of any kind... Listening to my body, I chose to drive on and see what I could find.

I started to head out, and at the last moment, felt that I'd be wise to get gas at the station, even though I'd only gone a third of a tank till that point in this leg of the journey.

I didn't second guess this, just went with it. So I filled up the tank, and as I was going to pay for the gas, that's when I saw the nuts - protein - healthy by far, in comparison to what I'd just seen! Nuts - right there, at the station, a matter of feet from the fast food joints and vending machines!

So sometimes we need to go about life, and the universe will provide what we need and want through truly unexpected means!

On the lighter side, it means I'm close to New York! This is the first rest area with a food area that I've been to this week that DIDN'T offer healthier alternatives such as fruit or veggies! "Sigh" - I'm BACK in the realm of Eastern US living... yet I don't "have" to settle for something less than what I feel is best for my well being! Are mixed nuts the ultimate healthiest choice for a well balanced meal? Heck, for this trip, they work! And besides - what's perfect anyhow?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that the next thing I know, a Pennsylvania State Trooper is on the median, I see him just as I'm passing, and UT OH -- look at the speedometer -- and I see, to my shock, that I'm in the fast lane, whizzing by cars at over 85 miles an hour in a 65mph zone! Instantly, I know the officer needs her or his job, and how it relates to me here in the moment! At the same instant, the officer hits the lights and pulls out from the median.

By now, I've returned focus to being present, slow to below 65, carefully work my way to the right shoulder, and before the officer gets within six or eight cars, I pull over and shut the car down. I know this is the only course of action appropriate for me to do.

I breathe, utter thanks to God for helping me focus, and remain alive that I may continue safely on my way!

The officer pulls up behind me, gets out of his car, approaches slowly, and just as he leans down to speak I say, "Thank you for stopping me officer. . . I know exactly why you did, I know that you needed to, and I'm grateful."

He asks for my license, registration, and insurance, which I've already got in my hand... No emotion.

I say, "I just drove 2500 miles on the way back home, and in my excitement on the last leg of the trip, I forgot to stay focused on all aspects of my driving, so I understand the importance of this moment."

He says, "Do you know how fast you were going?" I said, "As soon as I saw you, I realized that I'd lost focus of my speed, looked down at my speedometer only long enough to see that I was well over 80, and then focused on slowing down, and pulling over safely." He said he'd be right back. . .

I sat, both thanking God and being at peace, as well as thinking about the situation. Depending on his perspective, he had some choices. 1. Let me go completely -- for me, I didn't have to have that. I was perfectly accepting the ticket and fine for my actions, appropriate for my behavior, which was clearly unacceptable and extremely dangerous.

2. He could have issued a ticket for speeding. How much? Well, if Pennsylvania is like New York, 25 miles an hour over the speed limit is (or was back then) an instant, and automatic suspension of your license! So, exactly how fast was I going before I looked down at my speedometer? OH BOY. . . I wasn't SURE!

OK, CALM, focus. Scenario: what if I WAS going over 25 more than the limit? Either the officer would have heard my situation, seen the car full of stuff, California plates, license and insurance, and let me go, or he would also have the right to cuff me, haul me in and take my license!

OK, NO PANIC, relax into it! But. . . NO, life is OK. But. . . It WILL be OK. Relax, enjoy the view, be grateful, be patient.

The officer returns with a ticket in hand. "Officer, thank you so much for doing your job -- I really needed to slow down, and by your doing your job, I get to do that, and just maybe one or more lives were saved today" is what comes out of my mouth.

He says, "You're welcome -- it's important to do this and I'm glad that you understand!"

I reply, "I'm sure not too many people have acted this way or said this to you officer." He says, "It's amazing how many people get upset and annoyed and say that this is just a real inconvenience!"

Wow -- what a rip. I took the ticket, EIGHTY NINE IN A SIXTY FIVE (24 miles an hour over the limit!) and thanked him again and shook his hand. Finally, I said, "I hope that this stop helped make a positive note in your day and helps you to know that what you are doing in your job really is important and makes a difference!" And with that I was off.

And so it helps that one time, many years ago, I was in the Military Police, and for a short while before I moved up to a Crime Prevention post, I'd been a traffic cop too. No, I didn't bring that up with him, never felt it would be worth mentioning, just that I understand the cop's perspective a bit more than most. . . And besides, after all I've realized on THIS journey, how could I have handled it any other way?

Alive, that’s what I am today because, perhaps, that State Trooper was just doing his job!