Chocolate and Cheese in Oslo

In Oslo, it’s all about the "vorspiel" and "nachspiel" baby, or as we say in English, the pre-and post-party. At times it feels compulsory to sign a mortgage and hock your stereo just to get a few drinks in the pricey Oslo bar scene, so find some mates and party hardy before going out. I was lucky enough to hook up with a new friend from Stavagner, which is on the west coast of Norway, before the Ween concert at Rockefeller. Along with his too-cool girlfriend and a few other righteous cats, we downed a few longdrinks, emptied some Norwegian beers, and talked about Ween and their other favorite band, Turbo Negro. A short stumble later, we basked in the power of Boognish at the now-legendary Ween performance. Afterwards we gobbled up some "drunk food" at a hole-in-the-wall kebab, and soldiered on to Gloria Flames, a popular late-night spot.

Oslo’s residents didn’t feel like their city had much to offer visitors like myself, as I continuosly got the "why are you in Norway?" question, but I disagree. With a thriving café scene, endless (but expensive) shopping opportunities, and an incredibly diverse amount of museums to visit, the capital of Norway can easily keep you busy for a week. And if you’re into winter sports, like skiing, fuh-get about it!

Though I can imagine Oslo being a sweeping, gorgeous city during the spring and summer months, visiting during the Christmas season also has its perks. Festive decorations adorn the streets, an outside ice skating rink draws young and old, and residents dress up as Saint Nick, handing out free gifts downtown to giddy youngsters who swear they’ve been good all year (yeah right!). I also witnessed the lighting of the Christmas tree, where Osloians gather to ring in the season with a slew of Norwegian holiday songs. I have to admit, it was all quite charming.

Quick Tips:

Don’t go to Oslo for an extended stay if you’re on an incredibly tight budget. Yours truly managed to scrape by on bread, cheese, and chocolate for sustenance because eating out is way expensive. Vegetarians should be ready to adopt that diet because there aren’t many meatless options here—but if you like hot dogs, it’ll be like you’ve died and gone to heaven in Oslo. Pints of beer in just about any bar will start at around NOK 49 (), and even in the supermarket, single 12-ounce beers will run you between NOK 23 and 30. Don’t forget, too, that supermarkets stop selling beer at 6pm on Saturday and don’t resume sales until Monday! Liquor and wine are sold at separate stores.

A nice way to save some money is to look into the Oslo Pass, which can be purchased here or once you arrive in Oslo. Based on the length of your pass (24, 48, or 72 hours), you’ll get unlimited access to most museums, usage of public transportation, free parking, and a variety of other discounts. If you’re planning on hitting up a lot of museums, it’s definitely worth it.

Best Way To Get Around:

I recommend checking fares for Scandinavian Airlines for your flight to Oslo. Even though I got stuck in the middle four-seat aisle, sitting in the middle both ways, SAS did a great job of helping the eight-hour flight from Newark go by as quickly as possible. Each seat has a mini-TV on the back of it, allowing you to pick from a list of movies to watch, play a variety of games, and cycle through music channels. I couldn’t believe some people willingly subjected themselves to Bad Boys II. Overall, the service by SAS was excellent, and if/when I return to Scandinavia, I will definitely use this airline.

Getting around town is a cinch—just walk if you can. There’s an efficient public transportation system in place for rainy days, but the best way to see Oslo, like anywhere, is to hoof it. This is a relatively centralized city, so getting from one point to another isn’t so difficult. One day I even walked from the Munch Museum on the far east side over to Vigelandsparken on the far west side. Granted I’m in incredible shape, but you should be able to manage these streets just fine.

A hostel with cable TV, daily maid service, and a free breakfast buffet--that's the Perminalen Hotel. You'll be hard pressed to find any accommodations in Oslo that can beat this amiable spot in terms of location, price, and amenities.

Perminalen is just a few short blocks off the main shopping strip, Karl Johan's gate, and a ten-minute walk from Oslo Centralstation, where you'll end up if you take the train from the international airport. This is lovely because you're close to all the bus lines and underground railway stops, with the famous Akershus Castle just down the street as well.

There's a variety of pricing options, depending on whether or not you wish to share your room hostel-style with other guests. As of December 2003, single rooms go for NOK 495, twins for 650, families for 840, and one bed in a four-bed room for 280 (remember the exchange rate to USD is approximately seven kroners to one dollar). I thought it was pointless to spend $30 more just to have my own room and opted for the single bed. I definitely made the right choice, because, though it was during the off-season, I had the room to myself the entire first day until 2am, and even then, only shared it with one other guy until the last day. This is also a great way to meet some fellow travelers to hit the town with.

The room was surprisingly large, with a common table in the middle, two private desk/work stations, and bunk beds on either side of the room. There's also four separate closets, two large storage spaces, a cable-equipped TV, and, best of all, one bathroom for each room that has two sinks and mirrors, toilet, and a shower with soothing water pressure. Unlike a hostel, where oftentimes it's required to bring your own linens, or to rent them from the front desk, Perminalen has maids who change your linens and towels daily, empty the garbage, and leave a fresh mini-bar of soap.

A free breakfast buffet is included in the cost of your room, but don't expect anything exquisite. Coffee, tea, orange juice, cereal, cheese, chocolate spread, bananas, and crackers--if you don't eat meat, that's pretty much your smorgasbord to choose from. Not bad, but eating a pickle and cheese sandwich every morning with a cup of hot tea and banana got to be a little old. Carnivores do have a pretty big selection of cold meats, too, and there was some kind of fishy substance in a tube. The only thing I'll eat out of a tube is cookie dough, much less fish eggs.

Don't be alarmed by the military personnel you're likely to encounter here. All Norwegian men are required to serve one year, and all of the guys I talked to were my age and just taking care of their obligation. Apparently the military has some sort of agreement with Perminalen that allows soldiers to stay there practically free.

Bad coffee and cigarettes never tasted so good together. I don’t even drink coffee, or regularly smoke. Really, at between 60 and 70 kroners for a pack of Camel Blues, I don’t see how anyone in Oslo can regularly smoke—but you know how those Europeans do it! But my general dislike for these two black vices was temporarily lifted when I stepped into Kafe Blitz, a dingy little joint in central Oslo that revels in its counter-cultural attitude like Paris Hilton in front of a camera.

According to the Kafe Blitz website, this establishment has been going against the grain since the early 80s, which isn’t surprising given what looks to be a meeting point for liberal locals to discuss politics and underground music, as well as perform it. A small stage is set up in the main seating area, where poetry readings, musical performances, and raves take place. There isn’t much in the way of décor here—a colorful mural that’s so Norway, a bulletin board pasted with flyers, and some basic tables and chairs—but it doesn’t matter. The crowd that ranged in age from 16 or 17 to mid-50s, with looks from hippie to black metal, didn’t seem to care what was on the walls. How could you see through all the smoke anyway?

My coffee was at least cheap at NOK 5, but honestly it was made of some magical liquid that deteriorated further in taste with each sip. A variety of vegan and vegetarian food is served at reasonable prices, which is somewhat of a double whammy for Oslo. The "sandwich" on display in the see-thru window, though, didn’t look especially appetizing—one slice of bread smeared with hummus, a tomato, and sprouts—but I didn’t try it so I can’t down it. Other people seemed to enjoy it, while others were munching on waffles folded over one of a few jams to choose from.

Even on the dreariest of days in Oslo, when the city seems grayer than John Ashcroft’s policy outlines, you shouldn’t have any trouble spotting Kafe Blitz. The exterior is adorned with an array of graffiti and urban murals, including a rendering of Edvard Munch’s "The Scream". You can also keep your eyes peeled for a row of skulls—real human skulls from customers who walked in passing out "Support Conservative Politics" pamplets! Just kidding.

Vegetarians are not exactly catered to in Oslo. If you’re a vegetarian on a budget, the game gets that much more complicated. There’s no shortage of Indian bistros serving a normal selection of meat-free dishes, but not many of them are cheap. So if you’re not in the mood for Indian, vegetarians are pretty much relegated to a small selection of restaurants. The best way to get around this obstacle is to head into a supermarket to pick up some food there. But without a microwave or kitchen to prepare anything in my hotel, for two full days my diet consisted of Norwegian cheese, bread, and chocolate. That’s fine for a minute, but I was ready to bite the bullet and eat some real food.

That’s when I stumbled upon Vegeta Vertshus, whose main draw is their all-vegetarian buffet. That’s all I needed to know—after watching the mass consumption of hot dogs and sausage since my arrival, I was eager to go somewhere where no one had stringy bits of meat stuck in their teeth or beard.

The atmosphere here is cozy enough, with low-hanging lamps decorated in floral designs and an island of plants on the main floor that accentuate the temperate warmth of the dining area. There were only a few tables occupied on my visit, though there’s certainly room to accommodate with two large floors of seating. Downstairs near the bathroom, and by the entrance, you’ll find a variety of flyers promoting healthy classes and programs such as yoga.

This isn’t gourmet cuisine by any stretch of the imagination, and at the price (NOK 145, about $20USD) I’m not even sure if I’d visit again. But most importantly, this was the rare occasion in Oslo where I could tie a blindfold over my eyes, spoon food onto my plate, and not have to worry about choking on swine. There’s a full salad bar, soup (the carrot soup had a nice body to it), and a hot bar with Middle Eastern-influenced dishes, pizza, vegetables, and rice. None of the food was labeled, which was somewhat inconvenient, but it isn’t hard to make a few educated guesses as to what you’re getting. Note that the desserts are NOT included in the cost of the buffet, and I couldn’t justify shelling out more cash after a somewhat lackluster main course.

All in all, Vegeta Vertshus is worth a visit for vegetarians, but if you’re in Oslo and enjoy eating meat, steer clear and sample something native to the area like reindeer or elk. There is a 10% discount for students, and Vegeta Vertshus does have great hours—everyday from 11am – 11pm.

Don’t worry—there’s no spirit of a burned-up serial killer with knives as fingers at this Elm Street. No, just your average bar crowd of black metal fans, rock n roll aficionados, and otherwise normal Osloians are on hand at this way chill spot located just a short block off touristy shopping strip Karl Johan’s gate.

Rock n roll memorabilia dominates the décor of Elm Street. As you walk in, you’ll see a few colorful murals nodding to classic rock to your right, and along the ceiling are framed LPs from the likes of David Bowie, The Doors, and Led Zeppelin. Across from the bar area is a long line of rock posters, newspaper covers, and tour announcements, most of which are dedicated to classic rock artists. To top it all off, there’s a keen mix of rock music flowing out the bar’s sound system. Don’t get so wrapped up in Bowie posters, though, that you miss the back walls, where there’s plenty of space dedicated to local artists.

Props to Elm Street’s owners for knowing that any good watering hole needs more than just a couple ashtrays to keep you entertained. There’s a pool table for showing off your billiards skills, but more importantly a Surf ‘n’ Safari pinball machine. By no means is this one of the better machines I’ve rocked—there’s a few ramps to hit but not much else going on—but mediocre pinball is better than no pinball, right? Plus, there was some kind of weird bug infecting it, wherein the points would keep adding up even if you weren’t doing anything. Free games were being awarded like a Teen Choice Award—not much effort or skill necessary.

Elm Street has a full bar serving liquor and beer at normal Oslo prices. There’s also a kitchen cooking up a nice menu of eats. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are all offered, and there’s even a decent selection of vegetarian dishes (gasp!). It seems that Elm Street specializes in burgers, as there are nine kinds on tap ranging in price from NOK 76 – 96.

Some guy I was playing two-player pinball with (and of course stomping on) mentioned that "the wannabes" have watered down Elm Street’s reputation somewhat, and I could see what he meant, but on weekday nights I’m sure this joint still retains its relatively underground status. Hey, the rookies come out on the weekends everywhere to muck up the bar scene, not just in Oslo!

Have a few drinks, but don’t drink so much that you pass out. Falling asleep on Elm Street is never good for your health.

The legends and folklore surrounding Vikings make their very existence seem almost mythical. But after visiting the Viking Ship Museum, located in the Bygdøy peninsula of Oslo, I can personally vouch that they DID exist, unless the three magnificent sailing vessels that have been recovered are part of an elaborate hoax by some wily Norwegians. My guess is that they, and the other artifacts dug up in the royal Viking burial mounds, are legit.

Take Bus #30 from central Oslo. It’ll drop you off right in front of the museum, where you’ll find a silver sculpture outside of what is a surprisingly small building. Upon entrance you’ll immediately be faced with the one of three Viking ships contained in the museum. These ships were excavated in the late 1800s, and I found the photographs of the actual excavations quite remarkable. That these ships were dug up and kept undamaged is really something. Two of the three ships are in excellent condition, while the other is missing some of the ornate carvings its museum partners still boast. For more specifics and history surrounding these sailing vessels, check out the Viking Ship Musuem website here.

Besides the main attractions, The Viking Ship Museum also houses various artifacts that were also recovered at the burial mound digs at Oseberg, Gokstad, and Tune. All of the items are in constant danger of deteriorating beyond the point of salvage, but the staff does an excellent job of preservation, evidenced by the closed wing where some finds are being worked on to stop them from eroding. Near one of the ships you’ll see a Viking burial chamber, and as you wrap your way around the museum, behind glass cases are combs made of horn, leather boots, weaving and hunting tools, the only known Viking chair, and a fully intact horse-drawn cart. Most of these items are accompanied by short descriptions.

Don’t miss the awesome photo exhibition on the second floor by Lill-Ann Chepstow-Lusty, who traveled around the world to visit places "in which people of the present live out their dreams by creating a Viking identity of their own." Her modern photography breathes a lot of life into the centuries old exhibits on the lower level, and hopefully it will find a permanent home here in this museum. For more information about the photographer and the exhibit, and to view the photo gallery, click here. My favorite is the photo of Marty Martinson, Captain of the Norseman.

As you exit and head out to the other museums in Bygdøy, stop by the gift shop and pick something up. Postcards of the ships and photo exhibit are reasonably priced. Plus, you’ll have proof that you visited a place that proves Vikings are more than a myth.

The 212 naked bodies sculpted of bronze and granite in Vigelandsparken by Gustav Vigeland are not quite as erotic as you might think. In fact, the cycles of life these sculptures depict are anything but sexual. Okay, everyone takes away his or her own personal observations and thoughts about Vigeland's mind-boggling collection of work. But that’s what makes a visit to the park a requisite for any visit to Oslo. No one opinion about what you’ll see here is right or wrong—it’s all about personal interpretation.

Gustav Vigeland lived to be 74-years-old, and what a busy 74 years he must have had. Considering the depth and breadth of the work displayed here at the park, which he also planned, designed, and landscaped, it’s amazing the guy wasn’t suffering from uncontrollable arthritis by the time he passed away. The detail of not only the sculptures, but also the equally impressive wrought iron gates leading up to the world-famous monolith, is just awesome. The expressiveness of the men, women, and children catches you like the flu on a cramped NYC subway train. I actually found it hard to walk away from the park, as the sense of one man’s lifetime accomplishment was a bit overwhelming.

The monolith, which rests in the middle of a circular staircase dotted with rows of sculptures, has long stymied art experts and historians. Does it symbolize man’s desire for salvation? Or is it a commentary on the "dog eat dog" idea, where men and women, young and old, climb over top of each other for personal gain, in this case, to be closest to God? Vigeland purposely made his true message with this sculpture vague to spark debate, and in that sense, it was a rousing success. Keep in mind, as you stare in awe, that the monolith was carved out of one solid block of granite.

There’s a lot of history surrounding the formation of the park, the work of Vigeland, and specifics of the sculptures, so please click here if you’re interested. There you’ll find information on each part of the park, and The Vigeland Museum that I didn’t get a chance to visit. As I walked along the sculpture-lined bridge, past the water fountain, through the iron gates, and up to the monolith, I felt like I was in an open-air museum that would stand forever.

A pounding headache, a fuzzy recollection of a cab ride back to the hotel, and an upset stomach from a relatively nasty falafel sandwich—this is what I woke up to on Saturday morning after a wild night out in Oslo. But these are not necessarily bad things; after all, if you’re going to get a good taste of the nightlife, you might as well strap on a bib and head for the buffet, right?

Stig from Stavagner, whom I met through the online Ween forum, met me at my hotel and together we walked down to Elm Street bar to join his friends for a drink. Soon after we hopped in some cabs and headed over to one of the guy’s apartment for a little pre-party before the Ween show. He conveniently lived just a few blocks from the venue, which allowed us to get nice beforehand without surrendering any of our hard-earned kroners to the club.

Rockefeller holds about 1200 people capacity, and reminded me of a scaled-down version of NYC’s Irving Plaza. It has all the trimmings of your standard rock club—coat check, a few bars, merchandise booth, etc. Drink prices were right in line with any other bar in Oslo, though Stig was treating all night, which was lovely. Most mid-level bands get booked into this venue, and the sound system isn’t too shabby. No complaints at all about Rockefeller.

I’ve seen Ween perform live well over 15 times in nine different states (and now two countries), and hopefully I’ll see them another 20 times. Gene and Dean Ween, along with bassist Dave Dreiwitz, drummer Claude Coleman, and keyboardist Glenn McClellan know how to put on a show, period. Tonight’s performance was no different—Deaner going off on some sick guitar solos, Gene hamming it up and praising the large Boognish behind Claudius, and the crowd screaming out requests in a drunken stupor (but not me of course. . ."Nan"!!).

Tonight’s setlist:
Ice Castles
The Golden Eel
Baby Bitch
Piss Up a Rope
Take Me Away
Wavin’ My Dick in the Wind
Voodoo Lady
Happy Colored Marbles
Roses Are Free
Touch My Tooter
You Fucked Up
I’ll Be Your Johnny on the Spot
Buckingham Green
Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)
Sorry Charlie
Zoloft
Pandy Fackler
The Mollusk
Dr. Rock
Fat Lenny
Buenos Tardes Amigo
Encore:
Stroker Ace
L.M.L.Y.P

After the show we jumped in a cab and headed over to Gloria Flames, but first got some food at a nearby kebab to soak up some liquid. One of Stig’s friends, about halfway through his rapidly-falling apart sandwich, said, "I never learn my lesson with this place." Hehehe. . .I have a Chinese food joint around the way in Brooklyn that’s the same deal dude! Sometimes you just need something, anything, before you can go on.

Gloria Flames was popping on this Friday night. The music was mostly American 80s hits, with an occasional hit from the 60s and 70s mixed in. I drew quite a bit of enjoyment from watching Norwegians sing along to some of these tracks. The minimalist décor certainly isn’t what makes this place such a trendy spot—that credit solely rests on the clientele. The funniest thing that happened here is that 30 minutes after my friends had pointed out a girl who was on Norwegian TV for some sort of game show or contest, she walked by us and broke two glasses. In slightly-slurred English I said, "Oh my god! You’re on Norwegian television and you just break glasses in a bar! What are you thinking?" She had no idea what to say, instead just guffawing with a puzzled look on her face. I think my Norwegian companions got quite a kick out of it.

Afterwards we went our separate ways, with two of Stig’s friends insisting that I get in their cab to take me back to my hotel. I passed out watching a special about Curacao cats on National Geographic. A highly cultural night out on the town capped off by a highly educational program. . .that's how I always do it.

Better start applying now for those low-interest credit cards if you’re planning on shopping in Oslo. Nothing is cheap in this city, and consumer goods are no different. Clothes, music, and electronics all sport heftier price tags than you’ll find in the States and most of Europe. However, to speak to the many high-paid celebrities that religiously read my journals, if cash money isn’t a concern, you’ll have no shortage of boutiques and department stores at which to flaunt your unbreakable bank account like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Hum-Vee dealership.

You’ll undoubtedly find yourself on Karl Johan’s Gate within the first day or two of your visit to Oslo. This is the main shopping drag that runs right from the main train station up to the Parliament building. There aren’t as many touristy shops here as I thought there would be, but of course there are a few hawking mediocre T-shirts, Norwegian flags, etc. Go ahead and skip these shops–even for souvenirs, they were all pretty disappointing.

Look for camera stores, hair salons, and a slew of standard retailers like The Body Shop and H&M, plus Norwegian-centric shops like KaapAhl, Cubus (women’s fashion), and Bombay Brasserie. There’s also two Carlings department outlets and Kondomeriet, one of the few sex shops I saw. Keep in mind that since this is such a popular tourist strip, prices will be even higher than elsewhere in Oslo.

You’ll probably need to eat or drink something after it sets in that you just spent your next two months' rent in 30 minutes. There are plenty of restaurants like Flamenco Pizza and Jaf’s, as well as numerous English pubs. If you somehow miss the four 7-11's located within a few blocks of each other, you should probably get your eyes checked. The odd thing is that all these 7-11's are missing the one thing they’re good for back here in the States: the frozen coke machine.

Another popular and slightly more varied shopping area is Grunerlokka in northern Oslo. The bars and cafes around here attract the hipper Osloians, and the skate shops, vintage boutiques, and head shops stand in stark contrast to the watered-down wares sold on Karl Johan. This is also the area to go if you’re looking for a tattoo, but again, getting some ink work done is pricey. Scorpius, on the corner of Toftes and Schleppegrells gate, specializes in, well, hippie wear and accessories. Over on Thorvald Meyers gate you’ll find Los Lobos, which stocks an interesting selection of vintage clothes, CDs, rare vinyl, and other odds and ends. On the same street is also a book/comic shop and a small Salvation Army that sells mostly women’s clothes.

Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of Oslo shopping, just two of the more popular areas to do it in. The opportunity is there to go buck wild with the new plastic in your wallet, but I urge you, exhibit a little self-restraint on your visit to Oslo. The fashion isn’t so hot here that you have to take advantage of it, and vintage shops with similar wares can be found in any major city across the globe.