A Branson Birthday

I received a tremendous amount of heckling from my co-workers for this little vacation to Branson. They warned me of all the "old folks" that use Branson as their retirement hang-out. They told me to watch out for the 50 handicap parking spaces at the Moon River Theater as to not run anyone over. Well, they were wrong; there were not 50 handicap parking spaces. There were over 100 spaces. I quit counting after the fifth cluster of 20 spaces and I didn’t even get to the set of parking spaces by the theater door.

Branson Missouri has evolved into a performance showcase for singers and artists who appeal to my parent’s generation. I grew up watching the Andy William’s Christmas show on television, and saw the Osmond Brothers grow to maturity. My dad loved the music of Lawrence Welk and the Lennon Sisters. These stars have opened theaters in Branson and their performances bring in tour bus after tour bus of people many of whom no longer care to drive. These stars offer high quality, family-oriented, and refreshing entertainment that several generations of people have grown to love.

Quick Tips:

Purchase your show tickets in advance. I used www.bransonshows.com to coordinate the scheduling of all my tickets. Once they confirmed the show tickets, I received an email to print off the vouchers. Assigned seats were given at the time of purchase, so I had flexibility in picking up the tickets from each theater’s box office, even just prior to the start of the show. Tour guides have the planning and clout to obtain the best seats for their groups and many of the center section seats have been reserved for months.

If you plan to drive to the theater from your hotel/motel, leave an hour before the show even if your travel distance is only a quarter mile. Although Branson has built numerous side roads and alternative routes to highway 76, the volume of traffic is tremendous just getting to the theater parking lots. Fortunately, most people are relaxed and pleasant about the traffic congestion. Just allow enough time!

Best Way To Get Around:

Branson shares an airport with Springfield MO, and I saw airport shuttle vans driving the 30-mile trip from Springfield to Branson on Highway 65. This hilly stretch of road has broadened to a four-lane divided road, providing safer and faster travel. Try getting behind the numerous motor homes or tour buses on those hills and not have the means to pass them! The hills are known as the Ozark Mountains and I can feel the shift in altitude when traveling through this section of Missouri. Branson sets on a cluster of these hills, adding more challenge to the vehicle driver and to people walking.

Highway 76 is the primary route through the entertainment section of Branson, and is bumper to bumper with cars on the weekends and around show times. Get a free map from any of the numerous places in town and become familiar with the other routes. I tried to drive on Shepard of the Hills Expressway as much as possible as fewer theaters on this road decreased the traffic and enabled easier driving.

Whenever possible, just park your car and walk. Most roads have wide sidewalks and the hills provide excellent exercise.

The Woods Resort offers 1, 2, and 3 bedroom cabins along with 200 motel rooms. All the motel rooms are accessible from ground level which was momentarily confusing. Driving down to the back side of the motel, our room was on the second floor, but we could not find stairs. Built into a hill, the front of the motel was ground level, and provided a walkway to the second level on the back. Nicely done for people who did not like stairs, but there was not any ramp from the parking lot to the walkway.

Our room was spacious and clean. We did have a coffee pot with two bags of regular coffee (no decaf). Missing from the hotel were niceties such as an iron & ironing board, and hair drier. Fortunately, we had called ahead and knew to bring our own. The sink and counter area were lower than most, allowing them to be accessible from a wheelchair. Interestingly enough, the bathroom itself was not accommodating for wheelchairs.

The resort area literally sat in the woods. Walking trails through the woods started just off the lobby. The first section of the trail was paved, then turned into a hiking style trail, but well marked. A natural water fountain, with a manmade resting area, could be found about a quarter mile distance from the resort lobby. From there, other trails meandered through the woods. My wife and I spent one afternoon walking as many of the trails as we could. We never met up with any other hikers the entire time.

The lobby extended to include a sitting room area. During our first evening, a local performer sat in a chair by the fireplace and explained to a group of guests how to play the guitar. Ice cream sodas could be purchased in the eating section of the lobby for a dollar. Just off the large lobby patio were areas for horseshoes and shuffleboard. Across from the lobby was the clubhouse and outdoor pool. Two pavilions and a playground area surrounded the outdoor pool. A small basketball court and sand volleyball lot were located just off the parking lot. The temperature of the indoor pool was more like bathwater than swimming water, so we skipped swimming. We did use the workout room as it included two treadmills, a stair-stepper, stationery bicycle, and weight equipment. A massage therapist was available by appointment.

Coffee and doughnuts were offered in the lobby every morning, and a breakfast buffet for $4 was available in building 2. We did eat there one morning, taking our plates of biscuits & gravy and grits out to the spacious patio, enjoying the quiet and peaceful autumn weather.

Dixie Stampede is Dolly Parton's dinner and show theater. Dolly herself does not appear. Rather, the stars of the show are a group of talented horseback riders. As our visit to Branson occurred in November, Dixie Stampede performed their Christmas program.

We entered into a huge Carriage Room where a juggler presented his act on a center stage. Bright red and pink fruity drinks in a souvenir glass could be purchased during this pre-show, but no other drink options were available. As most of the hundreds of people waiting for the next show crammed into the carriage room, a cool drink would have been nice while we waited for the theater doors to open.

The theater reminded me of a rodeo with center dirt floor. Floods of people split into two as the people with tickets A, B, or C went to the north side and people with tickets E, F, or G headed to the south side. Our tickets also had a number which indicated the row, so all 50 people with G2 sat behind this long, thin dinner table. Erica, our server for the evening, had her own personal aisle that ran the distance in front of the dinner table. She literally ran up and down this aisle serving our dinners.

The meal consisted of either tea, coffee or Pepsi to drink. The drinking glass (a Mason jar) was filled as she dashed down her aisle with pitchers of beverages. She ran back again, carrying a tray of biscuits, plopping one on each plate. She filled a soup bowl of vegetable soup, which had a handle so we could drink the soup. She set a small baked chicken on our plate, running back the other way to add a tiny corn-on-the-cob. Her next trip brought pork slices and potato wedges. No service-ware. All finger food. She set a warm wipe for each person so we could clean our hands before eating the pastry dessert.

The theme of the show was a competition between the North Pole and the South Pole. While eating dinner we watched fabulous horseback riding, trick riding, barrel racing, sleigh racing, ostrich racing (yes, ostriches!), pig races and chicken races. Lots of live animals! In addition to all the animal performers, a couple ice skated on a rink that had been lowered into the stadium. People sang and danced to Christmas music. The Master of Ceremony joked around with other characters in the program with Branson hillbilly humor.

My favorite was the live Nativity scene. Mary and Joseph were lowered into the stadium. Shepherds brought out live flocks of sheep and goats (not just one or two animals, but flocks). The three kings came out on three camels during one Christmas carol. Angels hung from the ceiling as the group all sang together.

Overall, the show was a bit too corny for my taste. The competition went on too long. I had plenty of food, but would rather eat with a fork and spoon.

We received two complimentary tickets to this show by attending a timeshare presentation. (Discounted lodging and free show tickets from timeshare companies are readily available in Branson.) This show performs at the Starlite Theater which is fortunately located towards the west end of highway 76. Francis Street crosses over from Gretna Road, bringing us right on 76 just in front of the theater. We bypassed most of the traffic!

The 50’s theme prevails in the theater. I immediately noticed the two toned red on white ’55 Chevy Bel Air in the lobby. Excellent condition. Of course, a photographer offered to take a picture of us in the car, but the price was too high. A pizza and ice cream parlor filled a quarter of the lobby and a small gift shop sat over in the back corner. Walking over to the ticket counter, we obtained good seats for the Friday evening performance even though we did not cash in our voucher until late Friday afternoon.

The people seating next to us introduced themselves and asked about our families. They had pictures of their grandchildren and shared stories with us while waiting for the show to begin. Noticing our younger ages, they wondered what interested us in the 50’s era. They also stated that other people had recommended this "50’s" show over the other "50’s" show. People are very friendly in Branson!

The singers and dancers in the show performed over 70 songs during a two hour show. I lost count of the costume changes as they sang and danced to a wide variety of songs from artists such as Everly Brothers and Buddy Holly. Members from the five piece band joined in with some musical numbers such as the Stroll. The Master of Ceremonies impersonated George Burns, Ed Sullivan, Red Skelton and other great comedians as he presented the history of the music and artists. In this manner he introduced a soloist who performed the country and western music of the 50’s by singing two of Patsy Cline’s hits. He shared information on the gospel and soul music of the 50’s bringing out another soloist to perform.

As with many of the Branson shows, a member of the audience was brought up on stage for one of the songs. Then throughout the rest of the show, "Jerry of Kansas City" was an extended character and referenced in several dialogs and acts.

The funniest part of the program was Elvis. He was good in his imitation of the King, but the women in the audience were the best. These women were probably teenagers when Elvis first appeared on the Ed Sullivan show. They screamed and carried on with this actor just as though he was real. When he came off the stage into the audience, women were running down the aisle, hanging all over this singer. Some followed him back on the stage, continuing with their wailing and arm waving. I could barely hear this guy sing. It was a riot.

Silver Dollar City (SDC) differs from all other amusement parks by offering a family-oriented focus into America’s past. The park includes demonstrations of skills needed by pioneer families in order to survive. I’ve watched candle making, basket weaving, blacksmithing, glass blowing, leather working, and all kinds of cooking. I’ve gone through Marvel Cave several times and strongly suggest adding this to your SDC agenda. Additionally, SDC has thrilling rides, other attractions, and production shows for all ages. Rather than describe other details about SDC (which can be obtained from www.silverdollarcity.com), I’d like to share a story that illustrates the warm difference between SDC and other amusement parks.

We followed the crowd into the Saloon Show as people rushed for seats. When asked how many in our group, I stated "Four." The person pulled my wife, my early grade school age daughters and me out of the crowd and placed us at a table smack in the center. The person pulled up a chair and joined us. Dressed in full western costume, he asked our names, where we’re from, etc., and my little chatterboxes provided quick replies. After flattering the girls, he excused himself for the performance.

Later in the saloon show, this character was trying to talk his way out of a mess, and to no surprise, he called on his good friend Jeff to help him out. The girls squealed with delight when the spotlight hit me and I walked up on the stage. The character introduced me and asked the audience to say "Hiiiiii Jjjjeeeffff" exaggerating each word. I happily participated in the program, joking around with the characters and waving to my family. At the show’s conclusion, the actor asked me to stand again for thanks, and requested that people say "Hiiiiii Jjjjeeeffff" as they saw me in the city.

Audience participation is not unusual, but peoples’ reaction the rest of the day did surprise me. I was warmly greeted by numerous people as we walked around SDC. Other people would join in with "Hiiiiii Jjjjeeeffff" as we went from activity to activity. People working at concessions and rides would pick-up on the verbal cues and extend a greeting. The culture of friendliness prevailed with the encouragement of SDC. As other families we’d never met greeted me, it felt more like a community rather than a bunch of strangers vacationing at the same place. We in turn gave exaggerated "hellos" to other people as we heard their names called out.

My girls were young enough that they basked in this glory. At one heartfelt moment, I still remember the feel of my youngest daughter’s hand in mine. She was happily skipping along beside me when one group of people extended a loud greeting. Proudly she proclaimed, "Everybody knows MY daddy!"

Several years ago, my brother-in-law gave my wife an Andy Williams Christmas CD, recorded live from the Moon River Theater in Branson. He remembered his sisters singing along with Andy as their mother played his music on their stereo. My wife played this CD from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas Day. Unfortunately that same year, I bought my wife a lamp for her November birthday, and I discovered that gifts which plug in or require batteries are not usually the most personal gifts from a husband. Wanting to get my wife the perfect gift, I learned that Andy Williams performs his Christmas show from the beginning of November through mid-December each year at the Moon River Theater in Branson. I purchased two tickets, getting her the ideal present.

Show times are 2pm and 7pm. Most other evening shows begin at 8pm, so I’m glad we double-checked the tickets. During the week of Thanksgiving and the last week of scheduled performances, only one show is scheduled per day. Andy does not offer a Sunday show. Moon River Theater sits smack in the middle area of Highway 76, the busiest stretch of roads through Branson. Fortunately, the parking lot has a back entrance off Green Mountain Drive and the parking lot connects with the Radison parking lot, so we bypassed the parking lot of cars on 76 by using the alternative routes. Even then we sat in a virtual standstill for a stretch on the back roads as people tried to reach Highway 76.

The open and large lobby area of the theater included a gift shop (naturally!), a regular concession stand and a separate section for wine and beer purchases. Seating started at 6pm, but we waited in the lobby and visited with Santa Claus who later appeared in the show. The stadium-style seating allowed excellent viewing from just about anywhere in the theater. People with wheelchairs and walkers received ample assistance from the theater employees so everyone was seated when the show began.

Andy’s performance was nearly identical to his Christmas shows of the past. He can still sing wonderfully. His voice gained strength as the performance progressed and he sang the "chestnut songs," that is, the songs that have improved over the years. He tap danced with the penguins and hopped along with the reindeer. He brought up children from the audience and sang two songs with them, letting them sing into the microphone. He even rapped to "Coming Down the Chimney Down." I did notice that he did move slower than years past and sat through a portion of his show. He mesmerized my wife.

After the fabulous show, we walked out of the theater with throngs of people. One gentleman tapped my wife on the forearm and said, "Besides all the children here, you must be the youngest person." My wife replied, "I think I am too, but I really loved his performance."

Stone Hill Winery offers regular tours and wine tasting through the bottling facility in Branson. This location supports the Hermann Missouri winery by storing the barrels of aging Cream Brandy and bottling the sparkling Spumante wines.

This tour varied greatly from our other wine-tasting experiences. A group of thirty people gathered in the Stone Hill Winery gift shop and followed our designated guide to the back of the facility for the tour. We walked past a display of the various awards won by the Stone Hill wines over the last few years. I was pleasantly surprised at the awards from international and California competitions. Stone Hill wines did quite well. From the display area, we moved in to a small theater room and watched a brief film on the history of Stone Hill. I learned that Stone Hill was the third largest winery in the world and the second largest winery in the nation prior to Prohibition. The winery survived these years by growing mushrooms in the dark caves where the wine had been stored. In 1965, the Held family purchased the winery and once again began making wines.

After the conclusion of the video, we moved into the storage room which contained new and old (pre-Prohibition) equipment used for making wine. Our guide explained the purpose and history behind the equipment, responding to the questions from the group. We then walked into the next room to watch the bottling process. The Spumante wines are carbonated, and the guide bottling the wine shared quite a bit of information. We learned how to correctly chill carbonated wine (which includes champagne), how to correctly open a bottle of champagne and how to store the bottle once opened. He described the bottling and sealing techniques used by Stone Hill to ensure the quality of their wine.

Our guide gathered us back together and led us to a separate tasting room. The facility had at least 5 tasting rooms that I noticed, allowing Stone Hill to accommodate the vast number of tour groups. Our guide stated that over 500,000 people tour this facility annually. In our tasking room, we gathered on the outside of the large square counter, with the women in front and men behind. Our group barely fit around the perimeter. The tour guide was inside, ready to pour wine. We started with the red, dry wines, skipping the two wines that most people do not like. As we progressed to the white and sweeter wines, our guide demonstrated the correct way to open a bottle of wine, how to pour the different wines, shared which glass shape to use for various wines, and described the ideal storage and retention of wines. He listed the monthly specials for wine purchases and led us in a final toast as a group: to our health and happiness.

After dismissal, we wandered back into the gift shop to make our purchases. Wine carrying containers were available, allowing safe transportation of the wine back home.