My Way or the Skyway: Downtown Minneapolis

True, I spent much of my trip confined to soulless office buildings and impersonal hotel rooms, but I spent countless hours working, talking, and eating with Minnesotans. And that gave me what I like to think is a unique perspective on the citizens of this temperamental clime and the world they live in. So I offer you this, my outsider’s look at Minneapolis: land of lutefisk, city of snow, and to my surprise, an all around fun place to visit.

Quick Tips:

Check the weather before packing if you plan to visit in the spring. Weather conditions are variable, to put it mildly! I showed up for work in early April wearing a cashmere sweater set, and spent the rest of the day sweating miserably as the temperature soared to 96 degrees! The following week I packed only short sleeves and lightweight pants, and was forced out of desperation to find my way around the Skyway (see below), since I had no coat and it was snowing outside.

Best Way To Get Around:

But the Skyway is more than just a way to get from A to B - it is an architectural anomaly, a complex web of passageways that open up into corporate lobbies, or vast atriums, even malls (one day I took a wrong turn and found myself in the Marshall Fields’ Men’s Department!) What’s more, the Habitrail Habit becomes so ingrained that the passageways are full of people even on beautiful spring days. Maybe it’s because most stores, many restaurants, even dry cleaners and churches are located in the skyways - or perhaps they’d get lost if they went outside!

So unlike my colleagues who immediately settled into the Marriott because they always stay at Marriotts (and as a result, belong to the Super Elite Sparkly Diamond Marriott Guest Club), I tried a few hotels before settling on the Hilton Minneapolis, a hulking behemoth of a building on the funky end of downtown. I remained there because of their all around high quality, exemplified by the friendly, helpful staff, the fresh fruit salad served daily with breakfast, and the clean, attractive rooms.

The concierge deserve special mention for their excellent suggestions and personal attentions. My husband and I happened to be at the Hilton on our 10th anniversary, and our favorite concierge, Anna sent a bottle of champagne up to our room.

The gym was often busy in the morning, but never to the point of spoiling my workout. I noticed over time that the bulk of its visitors were female. Single guys, pay attention! One morning I spotted eight women in the gym and three in the pool – with no men in sight! Don't ask me why – it's as unfathomable a mystery as the Minnesotan obsession with rice krispie treats.

If you want to know where not to stay...
...I suggest avoiding the Embassy Suites. It's located on the outskirts of downtown on a sketchy-looking corner. It's easy to miss the entrance, which is practically unmarked, with a lobby nine flights up an elevator from an exceptionally seedy parking garage. The water pressure was abysmal, the showers smelled like mildew, and the entire place was decorated in a sort of Chuck E. Cheese goes to Key West style that left me depressed and anxious to check out.

The Marriott, for the record, has two advantages over the Hilton. It is centrally located, and you'll get to know the local drug dealers and their customers, who hang out by the bus stop next door at night. However you're practically in the Midwest, so the local "no good kids" are actually quite polite and friendly!

You will have to wait on line for brunch, but the line moves quickly thanks to the "wham bam thank you ma’am" style service. Be sure to order their famous cinnamon roll, an enormous puffy monstrosity glazed with sugar and served with a pouf of creamed butter on the plate. Don’t try to eat one alone!

Plate-sized pancakes are fantastic, filled with your choice of delicious fruits and nuts. The banana pecan combination with extra bananas on top as well as inside is my favorite. You can order one, two, or three giant cakes depending on your budget and appetite. Omelettes are also infinitely customizable. Hash browns are an unusual but inspired choice of filling. Slow cooked oatmeal and Italian sausage hash made from scratch are also standouts on the breakfast menu.

Keys serves lunch and dinner, too, of the same down-home casual ilk in attendance at brunch. One night, en route to pick up some Keys soup for dinner, I discovered that Keys Café serves breakfast all day long. This was announced to me by a man in black standing outside the café as I approached the restaurant’s entrance. He insisted that his job was to welcome me to Keys and open the door for me.

He looked and acted as if he might be the owner, but as I whisked past him I noticed a smell that could only mean one thing: he was drunk. Charming, yes, but unmistakably drunk. I ordered the vegetarian soup du jour to go and resisted buying a brick-sized rice krispie treat (baked fresh daily, oh yes!)

The well-meaning drunk, who had been welcoming other customers outside and holding the door for them, came in to tell me that breakfast was served all day long at Keys, and would I like to sit down and have some French toast. I asked him if he was an employee and he changed the subject. He opened the door for me on my way out and half-heartedly tried to pick me up. His name was Joe, and he knew I could tell he was drunk. He admitted that he wasn’t an employee, and said he was just trying to help out because ‘he liked the place’. It was clear to me that whatever Joe’s sad story was, that the folks at Keys Café liked him too, and didn’t really mind that he was drunk, or that every once in a while he might scare off a customer. He didn’t scare me off – I’ll be back for more soup and a 25-cent leftover muffin.

Oh, and there was food, too, although it paled in comparison to the offbeat and most un-Midwestern atmosphere: hokey beaded curtains separating the main dining room from the entrance hall, Middle Eastern posters and memorabilia on the walls, dark velvet fabric draped from the ceiling (my husband surmised that it was covering up an aging dropped ceiling in dire need of replacement), and most anachronistically, a waitress with bleached blond dreadlocks wrapped in a sort of natural turban around a most un-Israeli face. Toto, we’re not in Kansas any more!

But back to the food ... much as I wanted it to be wonderful, it was just average. After three weeks of eating bland Midwestern fare, though, the vegetarian grape leaves and deep fried cauliflower appetizers tasted like dinner at Le Cirque to my spice-deprived taste buds. The Vegetarian Kibby Dinner was a well-meant and creative attempt to make a meat-based classic accessible to plant-eaters. And the home made hummus was really very good, and indicated that with enough digging through the menu, you might find more of the items that have helped Jerusalem win the "Best Place for a Vegetarian to eat with Carnivores" and "Best Middle Eastern Restaurant" awards from Mpls StPaul Magazine for most of the last decade.

Warning: do not turn tail and run when you see how depressing this place looks from the outside! My husband and I nearly turned around and walked away from this garishly painted cinder-block monstrosity situated in the middle of a neglected-looking vacant lot, but I’m glad we didn’t. You’ve got to steel up your nerves and go inside to really appreciate what makes Jerusalem’s unique in a world of walleye and cheese curds.

I had all of two days’ notice at work, so preparations for the trip were hurried. As a result, for the first time in my life, I boarded a plane not knowing exactly where I was going to land. References to shared borders with states I didn’t even know were near each other, like Iowa and Wisconsin, were worrisome. Where on earth was I going?

I was going just south of the Canadian border, to a state that still had significant snow on the ground in late April and an airport that sported that most stereotypical of Grain Belt attributes: a tornado shelter. I was going from "The Big Apple" to a city that is - and only a New Yorker can appreciate how depressing this is - known as "The Mini-Apple".

Making matters worse, my trip centered on the business district, an approximately eight square block region known as "Downtown" - and believe me, that got old quick. Most Minneapolis residents drive in to work there daily but yours truly was car-less and sentenced to live in an assortment of downtown hotels. Fortunately my trusty Skyway map, now in tatters from overuse, was a lifesaver and before long I had become an expert at finding my way around the turns and intersections.

One colleague quipped that Minnesota has only two seasons: winter, and road maintenance. This is more truth than humor; the city streets were buckled and cracked from winter frost heaves, and over the course of my stay, our office building became completely encircled by construction crews, until the only way in and out was through … you guessed it, the Skyway!

I did make a point of taking at least one trip out of town, though. How could I skip a visit to the granddaddy of all attractions and largest mall in the USA, the Mall of America? Built like a stack of rectangular donuts, the mall’s four levels of stores overlook an immense seven acre central atrium called "Camp Snoopy" in which roller coasters zoom by on overhead tracks, a tilt-a-whirl shakes and jiggles its cargo of screaming kids-of-all-ages, a fake log full of visitors whizzes around water-filled flumes, and hordes of families wander in and out of mini theme parks like the Lego Imagination Center (more lego bricks than you could buy in a lifetime!) and General Mills’ Cereal Adventure (make your own personalized cereal!).

There’s even a wedding chapel – and judging from the amount of girls walking around in bridesmaid’s dresses on the Saturday I visited, it’s a busy one. The top floor is for grownups, featuring a fourteen-plex movie theater, an arcade stuffed with virtual reality games, a comedy club, bowling alley, and adult-themed restaurants like the obligatory Hard Rock Café and Hooters.

The basement is devoted to as much underwater excitement as you can fit in 1.2 million gallons of water. A 300-foot long plastic tunnel takes visitors under and through this immense aquarium. Not for the claustrophobic!

On the main levels you’ll find the usual mall regulars, plus a few unexpected outlets like the Betty Crocker Bakery store, a Tropicana restaurant in the food court ("I’ll have the orange juice grinder?"), and stores dedicated to Minnesotabilia (wild rice soup mix, Twins caps, and a lifetime supply of Sven and Ole joke books).

She Can Still Turn the World On With Her Smile
There is no question that Minnesotans are still wild about Mary. Even today, the owners of the building where "Mary Richards" had her first apartment are often disrupted by cars driving by and honking their horns. But while the Mary Tyler Moore show was indeed set in downtown Minneapolis, only the opening sequence was shot there. After descending the escalator in the IDS Center and tossing her hat on Nicollet Mall, Mary and crew flew back to Hollywood, rarely to return until this spring, when a bronze statue by a local sculptor of a grimacing, somewhat pained-looking Mary was erected with great fanfare (and a short speech from Ms. Moore, who didn’t have much to say aside from ‘Thanks for the free trip to Minneapolis!') Most days, this not-quite-life-sized Mini-Mary has a horde of tourists around it posing for photographs. As for the IDS Center, it is thankfully still more famous for its role in TV history than for the gruesome suicide that took place there a year or two ago, when a man jumped to his death from his office on the 50th floor.

A Worn Flannel Coffee Shop in a Heavily Starched World
As for Caribou Coffee – it’s the local alternative to Starbucks, and so far, it seems to have the upper hand. Founded by a Minnesota couple inspired by the great open spaces (and large mammals) of Alaska, the Caribou chain serves the caffeinated fuel that flows through the veins of many a local wage slave. The décor, though inviting, conjures up the ambiance of a rainforest rather than words like Kodiak and Inuit, and does little to dress up the lackluster muffins and scones offered at breakfast. Lunch is another story, however, with delicious pasta salads (made by another local institution, D’Amico and Sons) and wraps available for take-out.

Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen means We’re Going to Vegas!
Then there’s those Minneapolis natives the Andreos Sisters, whose early failure to strike it rich had their father on the verge of sending them to secretarial college when they recorded their first hit, "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen" as the Andrews Sisters in 1938. They turned out to be just as fickle as MTM, though, abandoning their hometown for a lifetime on the road the minute they could afford to. How are you going to keep them down on the farm once they’ve seen Kansas City?

Then there are the Scandinavian pastries, with intriguing names like ‘snickerdoodle’, ‘munkki’, ‘kolache’, and ‘pulla’. Though I’ve not yet sampled them all, my pants are straining at the waist from my efforts after only a few weeks here. Each pastry is an interesting diversion from the tastes and spices I’m used to – especially the cardamon-speckled pulla roll with its slices of almond and sprinkling of rock sugar - but none can hold a candle to a good old-fashioned all-American chocolate chip cookie.

Those wishing to get in touch with their Norwegian heritage (or lose some weight) may want to learn more about lutefisk, a by-all-accounts unspeakable combination of codfish and lye. As Clay Shirky reported eloquently in a now-cult-classic Usenet post:

"The moment every traveler lives for is the native dinner where, throwing caution to the wind and plunging into a local delicacy which ought by rights to be disgusting, one discovers that it is not only delicious but that it also contradicts a previously held prejudice about food, that it expands ones culinary horizons to include surprising new smells, tastes, and textures.

Lutefisk is not such a dish.

Lutefisk is instead pretty much what you'd expect of jellied cod; it is a foul and odiferous goo, whose gelatinous texture and rancid oily taste are locked in spirited competition to see which can be the more responsible for rendering the whole completely inedible."

The real culinary finding - the thing you must try if you want to experience the real Minnesota, is Minnesota Wild Rice and Chicken soup. The wild rice is grown upstate (I bet the growing season must be about three weeks long) and it is on every menu I looked at. My colleague Chris got so addicted he had to have it every day.

Vegetarians will not fare as well in Minneapolis as their carnivorous companions, although I was surprised to find that many restaurants have a veggie burger on the menu. Most Minnesotans, however, can’t imagine why you don’t just order the walleye and stop drawing attention to yourself. Fellow plant-eaters, I suggest you learn this important phrase in the local language: "I’ll have the Caesar Salad, no anchovies please"!

D’Amico and Sons
555 Nicollet Mall
612-342-2700
The D’Amico brothers have a lock on fine Italian cuisine in the Minneapolis area with their upscale D’Amico Cucina restaurant. Those who can’t afford or don’t work near Cucina can dine on beautiful pizzas, exquisite sandwiches, or sumptuous pasta salads with gourmet details like strips of fresh basil and toasted pignolia nuts at cafeteria-style "D’Amico & Sons" in any of their 11 metro locations. I found one on Nicollet Mall and was delighted at the quality and quantity of food I could get for fewer than ten dollars. It’s fast, it’s air-conditioned (not that anyone cares in winter!), there are always tables free, and the food is truly a cut above.

Chipotle
Various Locations
The problem with Chipotle is it’s too popular. The line starts forming around 11:15am and by the time you are actually in the mood for a massive overstuffed burrito around noon or so, the line has snaked throughout the restaurant, out the door, through the outdoor seating, and is impeding pedestrian traffic on Nicollet Mall. Dinner is another story – you will have no more than a few minutes to contemplate the relative merits of hot tomatillo red chili salsa versus the medium roasted chili-corn salsa before you have to decide what to put in your custom-made 20oz burrito. Top it off with an ice-cold Corona for a low-cost spicy feast! At lunch or at dinner, Chipotle offers reasonably priced semi-authentic Mexican staples to a spice-deprived population. It’s no wonder their 19 locations are jam-packed at lunch. Vegetarians should be sure to ask for the vegetarian black beans – the pinto beans are made with meat. (all entrees are under $6 and some under $5)

D. Brians
Various Locations
D.Brians is a self-proclaimed "remarkable" deli. After three weeks of regularly lunching there I am still not sure just exactly what they think is so remarkable, except perhaps the exorbitant prices they charge for a tasty but tiny Styrofoam cup of soup that dares to declare itself "large'. Think of them as an upscale cafeteria. They have a respectable variety of foods, and their downtown locations are conveniently located on the skyway level of several office buildings. Vegetarians won't starve here, because several of their soups are not meat-based, including a very tasty vegetarian vegetable with beans, which is also low fat and low sodium (not that you’d notice). They also have delicious oversized cookies. Another plus is their ever-present Rice Krispie treats (Minnesotans are obsessed with these) which are made fresh every morning. But the real reason to lunch at D. Brian’s is that you are almost guaranteed a place to sit. Even groups of 4-5 can find a table without much hassle.

McCormick and Schmicks
800 Nicollet Mall
612-338-3300
A client tricked me into taking him to lunch at McCormick & Schmicks by scheduling a noon meeting, then declaring how hungry he was when I arrived. I’m glad he did, because it’s a great place to hold a business lunch. In the summertime, diners at the outdoor tables are often serenaded by street musicians equipped with steel drums or a saxophone. But I prefer to sit inside, where a long row of comfortable booths can be closed off with thick green velvet curtains for maximum privacy. Only the waiter may interrupt, bearing tall glasses of iced tea, or a basket filled with warm sourdough bread. The menu is printed daily on oversized paper and lists more daily fresh seafood options than I could count, originating from locations from Long Island to Hawaii. At lunch, salads were crisp and generous, sandwiches were piled high, and all was right with the world.

I thought I had a real find on my hands and mentioned that I might bring the whole team there for a dinner. My client warned me that dinner wasn’t as good as lunch. I couldn’t imagine why - the ambiance was charming, wait staff even more so, and the food was great! So I ignored his warning and brought everyone back for dinner. Big mistake! The once-warm bread was cold, the busboys seemed to be gone for the night, and the food was more tired than our waitress, whose only reliable trait was her uncanny ability to forget what we had ordered. My co-workers are still haunted by the oyster stew (all of three oysters sitting in an undrinkable mixture of salt water and milk), a Hawaiian spearfish in a vile coconut curry sauce, and a dubious paella.

The only one at the table smiling was the boss, a seasoned traveler who never orders fish when in a land-locked state. He ordered and devoured a budget-busting 14oz steak. Me, I tried to order the same meal I’d had at lunch, a fantastic Caesar salad with grilled artichokes, but the grilled artichokes were not an option at dinner, so I had to settle for a soggy version of "the usual".

Now my boss might not have been aware that Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes, but his advice still holds. I checked the menu - none of the fishes on the "fresh list" actually hailed from Lake Superior on the day we dined there. And when I submitted my expense receipts the following week, I noticed that no one had ordered fish at our delicious lunch. A fish joint that serves lousy fish? Don’t ask me, I’m a vegetarian!

Dunn Bros. Coffee Shop and Scandinavian Bakery
Nicollet Mall
I passed by Dunn Bros. a few times on my morning walk to work, intrigued by the sign outside reading ‘Scandinavian Bakery’ but entirely too frightened by what that might mean to go in. Finally I gave it a try, and then another, and then another! I didn’t feel right about moving on until I had tried each and every oddly-named and shaped pastry in the display case. Puffy Kolache, for example, comes in flavors like prune and poppy. Pulla rolls are like a sweet roll that’s been punched in the stomach. The resulting indentation is full of rock sugar and sliced almonds, while the dough is spiced with specks of cardamom. I’d never seen cardamon used outside of an Indian restaurant before. Cinnamon knots vied for shelf space with Munkkis, giant turnovers full of apple or cherry filling. Even traditional muffins are given an unusual spin – the little signs next to them read "Pina Colada" and "Monkey Bites".

Dunn Brothers is also one of the few places on Nicollet Mall where you can have lunch outdoors on a weekday without spending a fortune or an hour on line. They serve tasty but rich "calzones" with unusual fillings like salmon or roasted vegetables. The last time we visited, a free slice of raspberry torte was being given away with every entrée ordered. (Apparently a bakery customer hadn’t picked up his order). At lunch you can sample Scandinavian cookies as well, like the rich, delicious almond kringler – kind of like a Scandinavian biscotti sent from hell to destroy your diet.

8th Street Grill and Peter’s Grill
Peters: 114 S. 8th Street – 612-333-1981
8th Street: 800 Marquette Avenue – 612-349-5717
If you’re looking for an un-fussy dinner without a wait for a table, either of these grills will do. Both stay open later than most restaurants on Nicollet Mall – a plus when you’re working late and have to grab a quick bite before heading back to the office. Both look vaguely seedy from the outside, and both offer numerous well-placed television sets and absolutely typical cuisine. Peter’s has a certain unpretentious nostalgic charm; wisecracking, gum-cracking waitresses, 50’s-style diner food, and a respectable assortment of fried bar snacks to eat while you watch the game. But though 8th Street is completely lacking in charm of any kind, it became a home away from home for a while, thanks mostly to an excellent Minnesota Wild Rice and chicken soup, and a wonderful waitress who treated us like family. On our second visit, she not only remembered what we’d ordered for dinner the week before, but also what time we had arrived and what kind of beer we drank. On our third visit, she asked us why we kept coming back. We explained that nothing else was open at 8:45pm and she proceeded to write us a list of ten restaurants in downtown that are better than 8th Street Grill. Now that’s service.

The Newsroom
990 Nicollet Mall
612-343-0073
Trust me, you’ll enjoy the newspaper-inspired décor a lot more than the food at The Newsroom. I still don’t understand why my colleague ordered something called ‘paella pasta’ but I assure you it was as bad as it sounded. Pastas are unexceptional here, but it’s worth stopping by for a drink or appetizer just to check out the news headline themed t-shirts worn by the staff (such as, Front: "Bush Daughter arrested for underage drinking" Back: "And you thought YOU were having a bad day!"). During the day you can get lunch next door at "The Typo Deli" where the menu is filled with intentional typos.

Zelo
831 Nicollet Mall
612-333-7000
This is where Minnesotans take New Yorkers to impress them, and where locals on an expense account take clients to dinner. Zelo offers an eclectic Italian menu, not particularly authentic in homage to its Minnesota location. Walleye turns up in a panini, for example, though you’d never find one swimming in the Mediterranean. Décor is tastefully dark and subdued. The wait staff is gloriously attentive, though slightly rough around the edges. Apparently local celebrities like to hang out at Zelo. I didn’t recognize any, but needless to say I’m not sure what constitutes a local celebrity unless Mary Tyler Moore is in town. Dinner started out well with glorious salads and excellent bread, but the rest of the meal was uneven. My pasta disappointed – the sauce was spiked with large bitter chunks of undercooked garlic. A carpaccio appetizer and a New York strip steak were big hits with our group. The wine list was appropriately sophisticated, but I was annoyed when we ordered a 1997 Antinori Chianti (not cheap at $47!) and were served a 1998, an inferior year. A lame excuse was offered ("oh, we ran out of the ’97") and no change was made to the price. My rating? Not worth the price of admission.

The Warehouse District
Once upon a time, Minneapolis’s warehouse district was a booming center of industry, where sturdy turn-of-the-century brick buildings were constantly being filled and emptied of all manner of goods. Then things changed, and like so many warehouse districts, it fell into disrepair. Now this fourteen-block area, conveniently close to Downtown, has been revitalized through some canny renovations and the insertion of a few carefully chosen art galleries, boutiques, and nightclubs. Here’s the sad part - unfortunately the revitalization committee didn’t take a close look at who was buying their restaurant leases, and the area is now littered with dime-a-dozen upscale chain restaurants like Chevys (Mexico in a box), Copeland’s (New Orleans in a box) and a planned Olive Garden (Italian in ... you know the rest). So if you’re going to visit, go AFTER dinner!