Ponorka is a raucous old-school favourite of Olomouc pub-goers. It’s an honest, unpretentious, old-fashioned Moravian pub, and therein lis its charm.

Its real name is Hospoda U Musea (Pub by the Museums), but everybody knows it as Ponorka (submarine) because of the round porthole in the front door and the submarine propeller suspended beneath the ceiling. The floorboards are bare, the heavy timber benches and tables are left uncovered, and it’s all surrounded by half-paneled wooden walls painted billiard-table green.

Just inside the door is a big square table with enough space for about a dozen people, and right behind that is the bar. If you decide to sit down the back, you’ll pass between the two long narrow tables in the middle of the pub. To the right is the small stage, which is the setting for occasional performances of live music by a haphazard collection of bands. Usually there’s no cover charge, but for more popular bands or special events there might be a small entry fee. To the left is another room of smaller tables.

All of the tables are lined with long bench seats, which support the old customs of sliding along to let one more person in and squashing up amongst strangers. Being selfish about personal space in a pub is a foreign idea in places like this. Its loyal crowd of regulars, near-iconic status, and proximity to the university mean that you’re unlikely to ever find a table to yourself. Which is fine with most people, because if you wanted to be by yourself, Ponorka is about the last place you would come.

The barmen here give you the impression they’ve been bred specifically to be barmen. The pub is always busy and they pull one beer after another and then another. There might be two workers behind the bar, or one might be around the front of the bar ready to lope off towards the back with three brimming jugs in each hand. It’s good to watch them work, and even at the end of the night their grace under the influence of monstrous portions of alcohol is remarkable. On your drinks ticket the barman/waiter will write your name, and if he doesn’t know it, he’ll write what he wants to call you. It doesn’t matter where you’re from, if he hears you speaking English and thinks you’re from Utah, you’re from Utah until you’ve paid for your drinks at the end of the night. If you look kind of athletic but calm, you’ll be "tai chi"; if you remind him of someone he knows, you’ll be "little Venca;" and if you’re otherwise uninspiring, you’ll be "three boys" or "blue shirt."

Ponorka is open from 10am until midnight 6 days a week and from noon until midnight on Sunday. The beer is Staropramen and goes for 18.5Kc/500ml glass, regardless of whether you choose the light, half/half, or dark beer. I don’t think they have small glasses.